Pages

Friday, April 17, 2009

I Know. I KNOW!! I Have Issues!

By now most of you know I have issues. I struggle with depression, organization, hormones, whatever. My issues revolve around handling life's challenges. So here's the thing. I'm having issues about having issues. I don't want to be a person who has major issues anymore. I don't want to be the person that everyone shakes their head about when I walk away, wondering if I'll ever get it together. I don't want to keep wondering if I'll ever get it together. I want to be free from issues. Issueless, if you will.

I realize that is a lofty goal, especially when I have kind of defined myself by my issues. So I am making a list of ways I might attack the problem of dealing with my issues. Some are practical, some are not. Let me know what you think.

Ways I might deal with my issues:
  • Be on the Dr. Phil Show - He's always good for a dose of reality and some free counseling.
  • Join an Issues Anonymous Program - 12 steps to an Issue-free life.
  • Ask Congress for a grant for the study of how to release my Issues.
  • Start blaming Blackie Chan the Ninja Cat for my Issues.
  • Pretend like my Issues don't exist and walk through life in denial while treating everyone around me like crap (yeah - we all know of few of these people, right?)
  • Buy one of the many miracle cures for Issues from a TV infomercial.
  • Watch a gazillion movies, one after another, about people whose lives seriously sucked so I can feel better about my own Issues.
  • Rat out a mob boss so I can be put into the Witness Protection Program and gain a new identity - preferably an identity with NO ISSUES!
  • Talk to Britney Spears about her Issues, thereby numbing my brain to my own set of ridiculous problems.
  • Eat a lot of stuff with Mercury and Aluminum in it so I will get Alzheimers and not remember I ever had Issues in the first place. (Not mocking Alzheimers - I know it is a horrible disease!)
  • Go on the Jerry Springer show and throw a chair at someone who I think may be the cause of some of my Issues, then call the audience names and walk off the set.
  • Become a politician - they seem to lose all grasp of reality when they get elected anyway, so maybe my Issues will disappear with my rationality and good sense once I hit Washington.
  • Become an actress - see explanation for politicians, but substitute Washington for Hollywood.
  • Just let them go. Look the Issues in the eye, acknowledge why they exist and then just let them go. Sounds too easy. But I'll keep it on the list.

3 Comments:

The family said...

NOW...I know why I love your blog so much. Birds of a feather flock together =0)

Melanie said...

You may have "issues", but you definitely do not lack a sense of humor! This post had me giggling!!

Rachael said...

These are all great ideas! I love it!

Post a Comment