Thursday, February 26, 2009

A Poot by Any Other Name...Still Stinks

I know...a post about flatulence. It's probably been done 9 million times by now, but I have to tell MY flatulence story.

I used to think flatulence was funny. I even did a comedy routine once about "Blue Darts." Most women don't know what these are. Ask your husband/boyfriend/male buddy. Many, if not all of them, will know about Blue Darts. You will absolutely die when you find out what a Blue Dart is. I cannot even begin to comprehend how the concept was developed, but I do know it was definitely thought up by a very bored man. So NOT a girl thing!

Anyway...back to the flatulence. It is a CONSTANT issue in my house now! I have 3 males (and now my dang cat!) who just let 'em fly whenever they want, with no regard for who may be near or how offensive the odor may be! Seriously...somedays I feel lightheaded from the lack of fresh air. And don't even THINK about lifting the covers off of them in the morning! Best to wake them up and head for the door before the blankets start to move.

By the way, we don't call them "farts" in our home, I think that sounds so crude. My sister's old boss used to call her and her husband at their ranch at 5 am and tell them to get their cracks out of the fart sack. I know! It's it's funny, right!? But somehow, hearing a 7 year old say it just sounds bad to me. I don't know how it is any more crude than when I say crap, it just is. Something about the word fart just rubs me the wrong way. "We weren't born in a barn, boys. We don't have to speak like we're uneducated, for crap's sake!"

So we call them Windies. My husband thought it was kind of girly at first, but now he sees the wisdom in having his boys sound a little less crass. They do pretty good most of the time, until they think they sound uncool around their friends. I guess I get it. Calling flatulence a windy is probably akin to wearing a pink shirt in the world of males. Only a very few strong, confident men can actually pull it off:

"Dude. Did you just windy?"

"Yes, Carl, please excuse me. By the way...nice pink shirt, man. Not everyone can pull that off."
I decided to compromise the other day when I heard one of my kids use a different phrase. The only reason I compromised is because the phrase made me laugh so hard I almost tinkled (much better choice than the pee word, but one I rarely use, because pee and crap kind of go hand in hand and I am still trying to overcome my lack of William F. Buckley genes).

Ahem...Boymom? Can we focus please?

Oh...where was I? New I smell something nasty on the way home from school and promptly roll down the window and ask who windied. Big Brother laughs and says "I just busted a grumpy, Mom." A WHAT?!

For some reason it continues to make me laugh. It's a very descriptive how gas might feel as he's trying to escape, ya know?

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Headed to the High Country!

  • Tank full of gas: $40.00

  • Slim Jims, Pork Rinds, Bug Juice and Soda for the drive: $16.00

  • Batteries for Camera: $4.00

  • 2 hours in the car listening to 2 boys argue and complain, convincing oldest that it will be fun playing in the snow and that he would not die if he falls, then playing in snow for just under an hour before everyone was too cold to have fun anymore because no one would wear their thermals or boots...


We do not do spontaneous well.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Check Out the New Blog!!

Okay -
I Am ReviewMom is up and running! It's just in the beginning stages, but stop by and check it out, especially if you live in the Phoenix Area!! Disney will be in the Valley! Check out the Review Blog to learn more details!

On a personal note, this is what we have been dealing with for the last week and a half. (Can't see it really well in the pictures - Fifth Disease Rash!!) Gotta love the childhood diseases!!

Disney and Childhood illness in the same post...this is my life people. Fun and games one day, rashes and fevers the next.

Monday, February 9, 2009

To Review or Not to Review...THAT is the question.

I am starting a review blog! I have been asked to do a couple of reviews and always feel some trepidation about putting a bunch of them on my personal blog. I don't mind doing a few, but I didn't want the reviews to overtake my life blog. I AM BOYMOM is supposed to be about my life as a Boymom. review blog is going to be called I Am Reviewmom for now, until I come up with something more hip and cool. I'll let you know when it's up and running!

Friday, February 6, 2009

It's a Small World

I either love it or you hate it. I fall somewhere in between, depending on how many repetitions of the song I am subjected to. But I am excited to hear that Disney is changing their Small World exhibit and getting ready to re-open it. And because they made our first trip EVER to Disneyland so great a few months ago, I am happy to post this little re-mix clip. Sing KNOW you want to.

I like the guy with the guitar the best, although the rapper ain't bad.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

I Feel Like A Woman...

I have neglected my blog friends lately and just want you to know that I am aware that I am behind on reading your blogs and acknowledging the comments you have left on mine! I am working fast to catch up! Thanks for taking the time to stop by every once in awhile to check in, even when I don't stop by to say "Hi" as often as I should.

No excuses, just dealing with life issues. One of those issues is hormones. I am experiencing the precursor to "the Change of Life" and I have to say, if this is any indication of what the full blown change is like, I'm hatin' the whole womanhood thing!

I received an email the other day that pretty much sums it up:

Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGH- OUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS HOUSE!

I'm sorry.... What was the question?

If anyone out there has any experience with this, PLEASE SHARE! I need some input. At least let me know I'm not the only one going through it!