Thursday, February 26, 2009

A Poot by Any Other Name...Still Stinks

I know...a post about flatulence. It's probably been done 9 million times by now, but I have to tell MY flatulence story.

I used to think flatulence was funny. I even did a comedy routine once about "Blue Darts." Most women don't know what these are. Ask your husband/boyfriend/male buddy. Many, if not all of them, will know about Blue Darts. You will absolutely die when you find out what a Blue Dart is. I cannot even begin to comprehend how the concept was developed, but I do know it was definitely thought up by a very bored man. So NOT a girl thing!

Anyway...back to the flatulence. It is a CONSTANT issue in my house now! I have 3 males (and now my dang cat!) who just let 'em fly whenever they want, with no regard for who may be near or how offensive the odor may be! Seriously...somedays I feel lightheaded from the lack of fresh air. And don't even THINK about lifting the covers off of them in the morning! Best to wake them up and head for the door before the blankets start to move.

By the way, we don't call them "farts" in our home, I think that sounds so crude. My sister's old boss used to call her and her husband at their ranch at 5 am and tell them to get their cracks out of the fart sack. I know! It's it's funny, right!? But somehow, hearing a 7 year old say it just sounds bad to me. I don't know how it is any more crude than when I say crap, it just is. Something about the word fart just rubs me the wrong way. "We weren't born in a barn, boys. We don't have to speak like we're uneducated, for crap's sake!"

So we call them Windies. My husband thought it was kind of girly at first, but now he sees the wisdom in having his boys sound a little less crass. They do pretty good most of the time, until they think they sound uncool around their friends. I guess I get it. Calling flatulence a windy is probably akin to wearing a pink shirt in the world of males. Only a very few strong, confident men can actually pull it off:

"Dude. Did you just windy?"

"Yes, Carl, please excuse me. By the way...nice pink shirt, man. Not everyone can pull that off."
I decided to compromise the other day when I heard one of my kids use a different phrase. The only reason I compromised is because the phrase made me laugh so hard I almost tinkled (much better choice than the pee word, but one I rarely use, because pee and crap kind of go hand in hand and I am still trying to overcome my lack of William F. Buckley genes).

Ahem...Boymom? Can we focus please?

Oh...where was I? New I smell something nasty on the way home from school and promptly roll down the window and ask who windied. Big Brother laughs and says "I just busted a grumpy, Mom." A WHAT?!

For some reason it continues to make me laugh. It's a very descriptive how gas might feel as he's trying to escape, ya know?


Patricia said...

you crack me up!
this post is awsome!
by the way, I have two girls who bust grumpies just as loud and stinky as any truck driver you might know.

Miss Hope said...

We call it "poot" in our house. It's so hard for me NOT to laugh when my 4 year old (who sounds like a college frat guy) breaks one and grins and says "Cuse me. I POOTED!" It's always a grand announcement with that kid. My 10 year old GIRL is in direct competition with him.

The family said...

SOOOO funny! I love it! Its good to know other families have these issues.

Trisha said...

When the boys were little we used to say who rooty toot tooted. Well now that they are 9 they say things like who let one fly or something along those lines. I LOVE busted a grumpy. I'll have to share that with them! They'll think it's hilarious! I love your blog!! Thanks for sharing your life as a BOYMOM!!

Love your white butt...

Unhappy yet Hopeful said...

That is too funny! Matthew is the number one tooter in our house, lol! He thinks it is so hilarious, and says "excuse me I fahted" like he's from New Yawk or sumthin! It's amazing how little boys just know about these things and find them humerous!

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