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Wednesday, June 28, 2017

My Week of Sciatic Nerve Pain - In GIFs

I have been trying to cope with sciatic pain for about 8 days now. Have you had sciatic nerve pain?  It's like Satan has reached up from Hell with his fiery hot fingers and is gouging you over and over with his stupid ass long, melted iron-red poker nails all up and down your butt cheek and leg. And it makes me mean. Here's a representation of what I have looked like over the last 5-7 days (Its actually a tiny bit better today, so I'm not so nasty this afternoon.

The Bargaining Phase:

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The "It's Never Going Away" Phase:
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The "Thanks for the suggestions that don't work" Phase
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The "I hate everyone" Phase
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The"I guess this is my life now" Phase
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I'm typically not a yoga person, but there was a lot of good info about yoga poses to help alleviate sciatic nerve pain. Okay, I'm a big fat woman, but what the hell. I'll give it a shot. Which looked like this:
 
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And this:

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And this:

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And it felt a lot like this:

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So after a few days of mental and physcial torture, I got desperate and tried anything and everything I could think of to get the pain to go away. Nothing was off limits.

Son, come try this to help me fixed my pinch nerve.

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Oh, that looks like it might work.

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Nope, not helping. Maybe this one:

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Okay, I'm getting desperate now. Where's that crazy thing I saw on the internet?

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Still no relief.  I was resigning myself to the fact that this wasn't going to go away any time soon.
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And that I was going to have to spend money I don't have to get medical attention.

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Just at that moment, a friend shares an idea:

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Fine. I'll try one more thing. But only because you're my friend. And I'm desperate. And Unemployed. And Uninsured. So I try this "Miracle Cure" of which she speaks:

Seems a little wierd, but it was starting to work:

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And suddenly, for the first time in the longest freaking week that I can remember, I had relief!

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Oh my gosh, it WORKED!!!!!
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Who are you, really, Miracle Friend??
 
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Thursday, June 15, 2017

When One Door Closes...You Go Home and Cry and Then Watch Friends for 2 Days While You Reevaluate Your Life Choices

Do you remember that time when you thought your life was really starting to take a turn for the positive and then the world slammed that door shut right in your face? Yeah, me too.  Sigh.  Good times.  Gooood times.

Except you know what? I'm weirdly okay.  I mean, yeah, I did have a big cry session and got really depressed for few days. But overall, after the initial shock, I don't feel as horrible as I thought I would that I was laid off after 5 months. It's a start up company.  There are growing pains. Like budget cuts. And I was a casualty.  But I put everything I had into being successful there and I made really good friends. So, I really don't have anything to feel bad about with regard to my performance there, other than I should have stepped out of my comfort zone a little quicker to learn the job functions of other areas in the company so that I had more value. But honestly, as jobs go, I worked my butt off at this one. And it just didn't pay off this time.  What can you do?

But I wasn't prepared for the end, so I have found myself struggling to regroup in terms of next steps. Mostly because I'm not in the mood to go back to the traditional working mom role again. The one where I leave for 12 hours a day and give someone else everything I have to give so the company can make a lot of money and then come home exhausted, with nothing left to give to my family.  I don't like that kind of existence. I don't mind working.  I love using my time and talents to help a company grow! I'm just really ready to do something that's fulfilling with a company that really, truly recognizes that I can't leave every ounce of my being on the work table, because I have to have some left for my family. 

So, while I have spent the last month and a half looking for a job that's a really great fit, I am also trying really, really hard to enjoy the time I have to think about what will make me whole and happy.  I've also tried really hard to enjoy my boys and savor every unhurried moment I have with them, because they will be gone in a few short years and I won't get this time back. I'm trying to make sure we talk about exploring their options after high school and spend lots of time talking with them about dreams and ambitions.  That way when life gets hard for them after they leave home, I can recall with them our little day trips and conversations and remind them that they have a plan. I can bring back the memories we are making right now to encourage them to stay focused on goals, so they CAN create the kind of life they want. The kind of life that makes them feel whole and happy and fulfilled. The kind of life I have struggled to create for myself for the last 50 years.

And as I write this, it occurs to me that I think I have actually found a job that is the perfect fit for me right now. I get to be a tuned-in, focused mom again. Sometimes the door closes and things come to an end for a reason. Until this very second, I didn't grasp the fact that I'm where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to be doing at this moment.

Also, I have more time to binge watch FRIENDS. Because honestly...how can this not make you feel better?