Tuesday, July 29, 2008

What would Thomas Edison do?

What a day...I'm just full of piss and vinegar now, so be warned - I feel a rant coming on! Also...this post has some mild f-bombs, but if you just came out of an FLDS compound, you might go to Hell for reading this contemptible and foul language. Just so ya know. You've been warned - risk your eternal salvation at your own peril. This might be the catalyst that leads to you wearing jeans and makeup. I'm just sayin'.

Had an argument with the power company, my 8000th discussion with the phone company and watched my son get severely disappointed on 2 different occasions today, partly because of a choice I made on his behalf. Ready for more? Let's roll!

The Power Company (Arizona Public Service), in it's infinite wisdom and heartfelt showing of compassion, has just slapped us with a $360 required deposit in order to continue our service with them. Here's how this came about: I mentioned my husband's work situation, we are struggling a bit right now after using most of our savings to get through the last few months. I have paid our power bill late the last 2 months because our income is sporadic right now. Keep in mind, I haven't skipped an entire month or anything like that. I paid the bill like 8-10 days late. So I call them today to let them know I will make my payment by Friday and then ask about this $360 charge on my bill and they explain that because I am a risk now, they are going to require a deposit.

So let me get this straight. I call you to tell you that we are having income issues and that although we are struggling, I will be paying my bill at the end of the week and your response is to charge me even MORE money? Did I not just say we currently have no money or jobs? If I can't pay my bill now, what in the name of Cheese makes you think I can pay a $360 DEPOSIT!?? If I had $360 laying around, I would probably have paid my bill with it last week, when it was due!! What kind of moronic logic tells someone that making a person who is struggling financially pay a deposit, IN ADDITION to their bill, is a good idea!?! DAMN!! I am so mad!

The lady on the other end of the phone graciously offered to extend the time for me to pay the deposit until September 1st. Wow...compassion at it's finest. What happens if I just pay my bill and don't pay the deposit? They disconnect my power, then charge me the $360 deposit, PLUS a $225 reconnection fee. Who is running this company? Don Corleone? What if I refuse to pay? Are they gonna send Rocko and Guido, the power goons, to rough me a bit? Leave a lizard head in my bed? Hey, APS...ask yourselves - "Is this what Thomas Edison would do?" I think not. And they wonder why people go postal.

Next - the evil phone companies. Yes, I said companies, as in more than one. Because there is more than one evil phone company. I have Qwest Phone Service. My neighbors have Cox Phone Service. I can't get calls from my neighbors or anyone who has Cox phone service. They get a recording that says my phone is disconnected, which it clearly is not. I can get calls from Qwest customers. Qwest says it's a Cox problem. Cox says it's a Qwest problem. Qwest has spent the last 4 months trying to solve a problem that doesn't seem to be coming from their end. Cox won't even try to help me because I am not their customer. Which, actually, in my few moments of clarity, I can kind of see their point. "I'm helping you why?" They aren't making money from me, so why would they want to help me? Because it's the RIGHT thing to do, DAMMIT!!! Qwest cannot call Cox and request help from them. How freakin' ridiculous is this situation? So after a year of not getting full phone service and 4 months of Qwest trying to fix the problem, I finally got smart and called a neighbor to bitch. She suggested I get a new number. That's why I call her. She's a teacher. She's smart.

Monday I will have a new phone number and hopefully my neighbors can call me. I will be writing Cox a great big old nasty letter for not even looking into the possibility that this could be their problem. I will also be writing Qwest a big ole long letter about how sad it is that they can't deal with Cox on behalf of one of their own clients. GIANT LESSON HERE ABOUT CUSTOMER SERVICE - people remember when you treat them like crap!! The minute I find a phone service that works with us, I will be switching and neither Qwest or Cox will get my business!!! Unless Qwest offers me something really cool not to cancel. Then I might deal with the abuse a few months longer.

And BTW, I know my cussing was mild compared to some other blogs I've read, but I like to keep it clean here. I save my cussing for my loved ones! Nothin' but the best for my guys! (Kidding! Okay, mostly kidding. )

I will save my poor Big Brother posts for tomorrow...I am too weepy tonight to repeat them, plus I think I just need to go lay by him and give him hugs all night for being such a brave boy. He is so tender-hearted and feels things at such a deep level and he deserves better than me and his dad.

That is all.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Shake Hands with the Unemployed!

The company my husband worked for was sold a while back and he was let go. Finding work has kind of sucked, but we are plugging away at it. Most of the guys who worked for this company are good friends and only a few still remain employed with the new owners. The new owners are quickly running what's left of the business into the ground as they were too stupid to keep the guys who actually know how to sell and build pools. Instead they brought in a few of their own guys with no pool experience, but who apparently know something about kissing hineys! The only people left who know how to do their jobs are 3 friends who each run a tiny office in other towns. of the friends, who actually knows what he is doing, is running a small office in Bullhead City, barely hanging on to his job. He called my husband last night to tell him of a recent conversation with the new owners. It went something like this:

Friend: Dude, you cannot believe what Don and Martin just did.

Hubby: What, did they let you go?

Friend: No, they called to let me know I needed to cut back.

Hubby: Cut back what? It's just you there, by yourself. Right? No sales guys, no receptionist?

Friend: That's what I said! 'Guys, it's me! I am the Bullhead office! There is no one to let go, there is no place to cut back! It's me!'

Hubby: What did they say?

Friend: was silent for like a minute. Then I told them I supposed I could fire the Fax Machine. I said he wasn't doin' much anyway, plus he was low on toner, so what the hell. I would let him know he was done at the end of the week.

Hubby: You said that? What did they do?

Friend: I thought they would laugh...they said they'd get back to me on where to make cuts. I figured I'd go for broke, I'm probably on my way out now anyway, so I told them the Fax Machine wanted to know if there would be a severance package. (Laughing his butt off!) I told them he would need that in advance so he could pick up some toner to fax them over a copy of the signed agreement. (Barely able to talk now, laughing so hard, can't breathe!)

Hubby: (Rolling on floor, laughing like a girl!) Dude! You are so fired! Call me when you find out when your last day is! (Hangs up, turns to me...) "you so have to put this on your blog thingy!"

Me: I guess this is how out-of-work pool guys bond.

UPDATE!!! - Wednesday 7/30: Mike got let go yesterday...they told him they didn't think he was taking them seriously! He told them it was hard to take them seriously when they were so oblivious to the fact that the company is in the crapper. When they finalized everything he asked what was gonna happen to the Fax Machine. They told him to get the hell out of their office. Mike is now going to start school to be a dentist.

Friday, July 25, 2008

I Will Never Complain About Cleaning Up PEE Again

This has to be one of the all-time funniest posts I have ever read. EVER!!!! I will post more later, but for now go read this. When you are done laughing hysterically, come back here and tell me how freakin' funny her blog is!

Monday, July 21, 2008

BORING Family Update...Back to School!!

School starts next Monday. I KNOW!!! It's so early! The charter school we attend works off of an "extended calendar." Kind of like a year-round thing. We take longer Fall and Spring Breaks (2 weeks) and 3 weeks at Christmas. This is our second year there, I think I really like the schedule, other than the fact that it is so damn hot right now that the kids don't get outside recess because of heat advisories. Makes it hard for the first 3 weeks of school! Little Man loses his mind when he can't get his body moving!

Went shopping for school clothes, my boys are growing too fast and I can't keep up with them! I tried to buy big so they can grow into stuff and maybe make it til Christmas. They liked the backpacks, 'cept Big Brother says light blue is a girl color. We were going to take it back but after he messed with it for awhile he decided that it was okay. Funny, cause he wears light blue all of the time!

The school does uniforms, which is okay, I don't really put a whole lot of energy into worrying about whether or not it stifles their personalities...I don't think they really care that much either, as long as the clothes are comfortable. I get Old Navy stuff, it's reasonably priced and holds up case you were dying to know! Bummer that O.N. did not pay me anything to say that, I could use the money after emptying their shelves!

Here The Boys are with new hair cuts, done by mom at home. Little Man has great hair and is really into his hair looking "cool!" Big Brother likes low maintenance. His hair is really thick and when I cut it, it stands straight up! It has to be really, really long to lay down. He doesn't like it really, really long. So we have to goop it up and paste it to his head for him to get the look he wants, kind of a military "high and tight" look. So we end up having to put a lot of effort into it for it to look the way he wants. I ask is this low maintenance?

Anywhoo...I have to say, it was a pretty boring summer for us, so I am glad the kids are going back to school and I think they actually are too. We meet the teachers on Friday, hopefully we'll get some great ones and this year will be a happy year. Last year was a happy year that way - with teachers, I mean. Just a struggle because one of my kiddies has "focus" issues. It's maddening! It invades every part of our lives! It makes school in general a struggle. Hopefully his teacher this year will work with him like his last teacher. Otherwise the "homeschooling" question may rear its ugly head again and I'm just not sure I'm ready to take that on. Not 'cause I don't think it's great, I really do see some fantastic benefits with homeschooling. But because (and yes I know this is selfish) I'm seriously suffering from parent (or is it life?) burnout right now and the thought of taking on one more thing is just more than I can handle. So...if the need arises, I guess we'll think about it. Until then though, I am just praying for two fantabulistic rockin' teachers who really dig my kids. can happen! They are actually pretty diggable!

Friday, July 18, 2008

Wrap Me Up in This!

I just came across this site, Old Red Barn Co., as I was bloghopping. Besides being a cool blog, Dana is giving away this amazing quilt! I "heart" this quilt and would so love to see it on my bed, or draped over the cradle my dad made for his first grandchild. Absolutely gorgeous! So trot on over to Old Red Barn and enter for yourself if you like...I know that just diluted my chances of winning, but hey...I feelin' the love, so why not pass it on!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Little Man's Playdate

The Little Man was talking to us yesterday about God.

Well, first he was talking about how awesome he himself (Little Man) is and how he can do lots of things, to which Big Daddy and I agreed. Then he started talking about how God can do lots of things. We agreed on that point also. "God can do backflips." He just said it. Very matter-of-factly. Like he knows. Like he's actually stood there with God and said, "God, can you do a backflip?" And then God did one, just to show him. Grinning from ear to ear, Little Man responded..."Cool. Wanna see mine?" To which God replied, smiling, "Sure dude, knock one out for me." Then, after Little Man's gymnastic capers are finished, God nods, "Awesome, Little Man. That Rocked! You are such fun to hang out with. Wanna race?" Instantly, Little Man peeled out and left God standing there, laughing. That's how I imagined the whole scenario playing out.

My husband, Big Daddy, had another version:
Little Man asks God to do a backflip. God takes the position, pushes as much of his robe out of the way as he can, then flips himself over quickly, landing perfectly on his feet. After a short pause, he stands up straight and flings his arms open..."Tah-dah! How'dya like them apples?" Then he flips his long hair back, strokes his lengthy beard with one hand and says, quite coolly, "There is no charge for awesomeness...or attractiveness." Nice. God steals lines from Kung Fu Panda. Or maybe it was God's line first and Jack Black stole it from Him.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Deep Thoughts by Blogthings

IMPORTANT: Read this post preface:I don't want anyone to feel like they have to comment after reading my less than confident posts to reassure me that I am great and that I measure up. I appreciate those who truly desire to offer a kind word, cause it seriously does help. But if my whining bugs you, just know I understand. I'm still gonna write what I write though, because it's how I process my life struggles. We all struggle with life. Some of us do it better than others. I'm not a quiet struggler. I like to talk while I struggle and live. Hence, the blog. So just know that I know that I don't always put the most positive image of myself out there and I am not sharing so that I can get 10 people to tell me how great I am. I am sharing because 1) I need to write and 2) I hope it helps someone else feel a little less weird or alone to see that others struggle too. Life is what it is and I writes it as I lives and sees it. Okay? Moving on...

Who Am I?

It is a question I have been asking myself for a few months now. I think I am in the middle of a mid-life crisis. Strike that - I KNOW I am in the middle of a mid-life crisis. So I have been asking a lot of questions. The 20 year post thing I just did brought to mind some things I need to address, reminded me of where I've been and got me thinking even more about where I want to go. But it still doesn't answer the nagging question, "Who Am I?"

Just to clarify, the question is not as in "How did I get on earth, why am I here?" I have a pretty good handle on that. More like "How do I become the person I want to be?" kind of thing.

So I've spent the last few months (realistically, more like the last year, but it's really come to a head this last few months) pondering, looking, worrying, being depressed, struggling, searching for an answer. Then I find this: What Kind of Coffee Girl Are You?

You Are a Plain Ole Cup of Joe

But don't think plain - instead think, uncomplicated

You're a low maintenance kind of girl... who can hang with the guys

Down to earth, easy going, and fun! Yup, that's you: the friend everyone invites.

And your dependable too. Both for a laugh and a sympathetic ear.

I can't help but think that I could have saved myself a lot of grief if I would've found this coffee girl quiz 6 months ago. Wow! This internet thing really is miraculous! All the answers to life's deepest questions right at your fingertips...Yeah, right!

Seriously though, this is a pretty accurate description of who I used to be. I asked my husband what he thought of this description. He said it was "very accurate awhile back, before you got all depressed and hormonal." Nice. He doesn't beat around the bush. But it's true. And really - it's who I want to be again, with the dependable part really worked out.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

I got TAGGED!!

So here it is...

20 years ago I was:
1. Just finished with graphics school and working for a typesetter for very little money.
2. Trying to break into the corporate world.
3. Wearing the finest in '80's apparel and sporting big hair.

10 years ago I was:
1. Still a newlywed - 7 months of wedded bliss.
2. Starting my own business - corproate concierge service.
3. Taking a trip to Spain with my Husband.

5 years ago I was:
1. Losing my own business.
2. Staying at home to take care of my 2 and 4 yr old boys.
3. Helping my husband start a new career.

1 year ago I was:
1. Moving into a new house.
2. Helping my brother-in-law through a horrible divorce.
3. Taking a family vacation to San Diego.

This year so far I have:
1. Cried alot.
2. Started a blog and started writing again.
3. Watched my youngest graduate from Kindergarten.

Today I will:
1. Buy some groceries (I know, boring).
2. Watch my kids' basketball games.
3. Help my husband find a job.

Tomorrow I will:
1. Put up a cieling fan.
2. Write a post for my blog.
3. Jump on the trampoline with my kids.

In the next year I will:
1. Learn to let go of the past and be happy.
2. Submit something I've written to be published.
3. Help my kids be happier people.

There ya go. I tag anyone on my blogrolls who hasn't already done this!! GO!!!

Friday, July 11, 2008

I Am A Winner!

Yes, I am a Winner! Of course in the whole personal well-being sense, this is a good thing to say and believe. Positive thinking and all, yes?

But seriously...I'm a Winner!! I won this game in a blog giveaway at Reviewsings. Jo-Lynne (Musings of a Housewife) also has a Review site where she reviews great products and sometimes has giveaways. I entered her giveaway for a game and won! Yay!! Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!!

Here's the game I won:

Here's their website! I'll send pics when we get it so you can see how much fun it is!! Thanks so much to Jo-lynne, game creator Steve Velte and RSV Productions for sharing this with my family!!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

5 Things

Five (5) things I cannot do with an injured big toe:

1. Run up and down the stairs as fast as I can, 2 times.

2. Wear cock roach kicker pointy toed boots.

3. Play folded up paper football with my big toe as the kicker.

4. Scratch my leg or other foot with my injured toe foot.

5. Help my husband move a heavy object while wearing sandals.

Five (5) things I cannot do WITHOUT an injured big toe:

1. Run up and down the stairs as fast as I can, 2 times.

Okay, I could, but I would be incredibly oxygen deprived afterward, and not that I don't need to, but I don't want to. Also, if you read my Stair post you would know what I think about Evil Stairs.

2. Wear cock roach kicker pointy toed boots.

Did you see the pic of my toe? Then you saw my fat feet. Wide and fat don't work well with skinny and pointy. No Cockroach Kickers in Size "El Grande Triple F Width".

3. Play folded up paper football with my big toe as the kicker.

My husband has those really coordinated toes that can pick things up and move things around. Mine are not coordinated and cannot pick things up or kick paper footballs. Alas, I will always be a spectator in the Big Toe Paper Football Arena.

4. Scratch my back with my injured toe foot.

I will probably be able to scratch my other leg or foot once my nail heals. However, as flexible as I am, my foot cannot reach my back. I tried.

5. Help my husband move a heavy object wearing sandals.

I think the toe picture said it all. I may be slow folks, but I ain't stupid. Next time I embark on any heavy lifting where my spouse is involved, I will be wearing some kind of industrial they make steel toed sandals?

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Wordless Wednesday

Picture taken by Big Brother, who I am thinking was playing the "Agitator" role in this scenario.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

I'm on my Way from Misery to Happiness Today

Not in a good place this week and don't want to complain out loud to everyone, so thanks for checking in, will try to post something really positive and upbeat in the next day or two. I am working up to achieving a good frame of mind with a target date of sometime on Wednesday. How's that for goal oriented?

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Happy Independence Day!

I hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July celebration, this is one of my favorite holidays. There's so much to celebrate about living in America and I could get all fru-fru and emo right now, but I won't. I will simply say that I feel blessed and incredibly thankful for the freedoms we enjoy as citizens of this great country.

I am not ashamed to be an American. I am proud of my country and most of my countrymen. I love our unique culture and have no desire to become more like other countries. Our uniqueness is what makes us so great! How can people not see that? I do not think we do everything perfect, but we must be doing something right, because despite all of the negativity about the U.S. out there in the world, there are still millions of of people who are risking life and limb to come live here.

I am not naive about our country's problems. I stay informed and as politically active as I am able. I just don't think that the way to fix our country's problems is to become anti-American.

I want to thank all of the men and women who have fought and who continue to serve and fight to defend us and our way of life. You all have my family's heartfelt gratitude for your sacrifices and willingness to serve your country.

Now, everybody sing! "This land is your land, this land is my land, from California, to the New York Island..."

God Bless the USA!!

Thursday, July 3, 2008

The Mominator Fights Back

I'm learning about new backgrounds and templates...experimenting. Trying to personalize my space. I am having so much fun learning about all of this, but it is soooo time consuming! I either have to watch my poor kids bounce off the wall all day while I am attached to the computer or stay up after everyone goes to bed, which leaves me a little less than pleasant the next morning. It's not so bad when all of the neighborhood kids are home, they all get together and play and everybody is occupied. Then I can do my "thang" and pretend that I am actually accomplishing something by piddledinking with my blog for 4 hours.

The only problem is that then the housework stares back at me. Sometimes I use my super powers and stare back, then it slinks away. But I think it's gaining strength of it's own, because I swear I heard the laundry pile whispering yesterday. When I walked up to it, it got all silent, like I didn't know it was talking about me to the vacuum. And I'm not sure, but I think the office paperwork has been rearranging itself into different piles than the piles I made, because I can never find anything. I'm pretty good about remembering which pile I put stuff in, so I'm 99% certain the office is trying to make me think I'm crazy. It's also making me fight with my husband (nice strategy...divide and conquer). I tell him which pile something is in, he goes to that pile and it's gone. I get mad, storm into the office, walk right to the pile I put it on's gone! I just laid it down 2 minutes ago! The next day it will appear, in the same pile, but 2 or 3 pages down. Or I'll find it in the shred pile, when I KNOW I did not put it in the shred pile. Great! Now the shredder is in on the whole thing! And here I thought Shredder was one of the good guys!

I have to get a handle on this housework uprising before it gets strong enough to take over the world. (Where I made my Mominator)

The good news is, Ive been watching Justice League with my boys, so I know how evil things plot. I've picked up some pretty good moves from Wonder Woman and Hawk Girl and the African American Chick who kind of likes the Green Lantern. I think I can take the housework, as long as I don't let the Flash distract me.

I like the Flash. He's funny. Have you seen him run? That dude is fast! Wait! What was that?! I gotta go! The Toilets are attacking. I finally realized that The Toilets are the Supreme Evil Beings who really run the show. You know how I know? Cause every time I start to get a handle on things and get into a really good cleaning groove, the Diabolical Doo-Doo Catchers work their mojo and I end up with a...well, let's just say an urge, that forces me to stop what I am doing and run to one of them. Inevitably, while I am in the bathroom, I will notice that my boys were also recently in the bathroom. This leads me to look for the Clorox Wipes, so that I can clean up the evidence. While I am being held prisoner by the Throne, the housework reorganizes and doubles it's efforts to beat me. By the time I get free, everything I've done is undone again. Dang!

Yep...Toilet Terrorists are the Supreme Bad Guys of Housework. They are my Kryptonite. I can see I'm gonna have to call in reinforcements. "Um, Hello...American Maid? Yeah, this is Boymom. Ummm, can I ask for a favor? Yeah, I know it's the third time this month, but I can't seem to get a handle on this housecleaning's the Toilets. What? NO! I was NOT hanging out with The Flash again! I told you, it's The Toilets - they're kicking my butt. Okay, well, Flash did stop by for a minute...he's so hilarious! Have you seen him run?"

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

This Little Piggy Went...Nowhere, Which Created a Problem.

WARNING!! The following picture is graphic in nature. It may make some people queasy. It made me queasy and it also made me cry. Because it HURT! Like Hades!! It made me cuss in front of God and my kids. Wanna see it? I don't know, it's pretty bad.'s nasty. I just want to prepare ya'll.

Maybe this is bad blog protocol. Do people post pics of their injuries? Well, in the interest of completely candid and honest blogging, I will test the waters with my photo. Then you can all blast me and I will know not to ever do it again. That's me, always pushing the envelope...then cutting my tongue on it.

First, let me explain how it came to be that I no longer have a toenail on my big toe. It's my husband's fault. Seriously. I remind him of that several times a day when I wince with pain every time someone comes near my foot.

Okay, really it was my fault. I have this issue with shoes. I don't like them. So I wear sandals. All of the time. Everywhere. I own tennis shoes, I just don't wear them often. By the way, they are the slide on type too - mules. I also live in the desert, so sandals work, like 360 days out of the year.

What do shoes and my toe have to do with each other? I'm getting to that in a really round-about way.

My husband asked me to help him move this really heavy fiberglass tub thing. It was hot and we were grumpy and not working together in sync. And I was wearing sandals. He said Go! and pushed before I was ready and the tub caught my sloth-like foot, specifically my big toe. And ripped the toenail right off. Can you say $%#@%*+! and *^@#$%$!#@ ? That's what I said. Then I cried. Then I did that pain dance thing that everybody does when they kill their toe. Then I got myself under control.

Then my husband turned the hose on it and I said something like "OOWWWWW! Turn that @$#%@ thing off! Owwweee!" Not only was my toe bleeding and raw, the water was boiling lava hot! Hello, Lab Partner!!! It's like 115 degrees such thing as cool water here! Then I cried again for a minute and finally sat down to look at it.

Not as bad as I thought. At least it was a clean sweep, only one little place where the skin was ripped. No stitches, I didn't go the ER, just slathered it up with Neosporin and a Bandaid. It hurts, but not as bad as I thought it would. So, I did get to take a break the rest of the day. I sat with my foot up and played UNO with the kids. It was actually kind of nice. I think if I paint the rest of my nails red no one will even notice.

By the way, I know what some of you are thinking. Her foot looks kind of fat. It is. It's also swollen from retaining water, which I do every summer, but it's a fat foot. Because I'm fat. That's kind of how it works. I think my feet will look fat even when I'm thin (no specific date on when that will take place...I'll get back to you on that). I don't have sexy feet. I have big, fat, sturdy, pioneer stock feet that will offer me great strength and balance if I ever have to pull a handcart. Not sexy, but very practical. And now mangled.