Friday, January 30, 2009

Field Trip Chaperone

How many times do I have to repeat this ritual before I realize that being a field trip chaperone always seems like more fun that it really is? While I love, love love being with my kids while watching monkeys throw poo or watching their eyes glaze over as a desert botanical museum guide talks about the 8000 different varieties of cactus in Arizona, I don't always love the rest of the kids in the group. We always start out trying to get all of my kids friends in one group but teachers are smart and they like to give the tough kids to the chaperones so the teacher can have a break for the day.

Inevitably, and I'm sure you can all back me up on this, we end up with a group of 4 or 5 really decent kids and 2 or 3 that make you wonder how their parents are even still mildly sane.

I had 2 of THOSE kids today...a bossy, loud young lady who monopolized all of the interactive exhibits and argued LOUDLY and aggressively with anyone who asked for a turn, who ended up thinking she was my best friend by the end of the trip and "whiny boy" who would not stay with the group and stole everyone's food at lunch. Seriously. He would wait til kids weren't looking then grab one of their chips or cookies and shove it in his mouth.

At least I was smart enough to remember the hellish bus ride from the last field trip and made the decision to drive my own car to the Science Center. Which was an awesome decision, cause after loading everyone on the bus to go back to school, I got to drive home in silence. The silence was a godsend because I had a raging headache from sitting in the front row of the IMAX movie where my group insisted on sitting! Have you made that mistake at IMAX? It's too much! I can barely watch one of those movies from the back row.

Anyway, nothing makes you appreciate silence more than spending 4 hours in an enclosed building with 5 schools worth of students all having the time of their lives at the top of their lungs!

I hope I learned my lesson this time. I hope when my 1st grader comes home in a few weeks telling me about their upcoming field trip that this one is still fresh on my mind. But not so fresh that it compels me to run to a corner and assume the fetal postion while rocking back and forth muttering "Can't go with the bad kids. Evil fieldtrips. Please no more. Teacher gives me bad kids."

Monday, January 26, 2009

I copied this from Bandana Mom's Blog - because I am behind on my posting and don't have time to be creative or funny or even depressed or bored. So here is a list of 100 things - the things I've done are in Blue.

1. Started my own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than I can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sung a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught myself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown my own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught myself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had my portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar or escargot
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had my picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Been to a foreign country

I will answer all your questions in my next post!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

My Blog Needs More Cowbell

I know I have been postless for a week or so. Sorry. Life just got overwhelming and the blog had to suffer. But I am back, and I am a little less depressed and I appreciate all of the kind words and support you, my bloggy friends, have offered. It helped. Seriously. Someday I will share more. Just know for now that it helped.

On another note...did you ever see the SNL skit with Christopher Walken (he is the WEIRDEST, funniest dude!) about Cowbell? Watch it here before you read any further.

SNL Cowbell - The most popular videos are here

Now look to your right at the top of the middle cloumn here on my blog. See that button? My blog needs more Cowbell. So does my life. So that's what I will be working on in the next few months. More Cowbell.

I know. It's weird that I'm taking advice from Christopher Walken and Will Ferrill. It's deep. Take the rest of the afternoon and let it sink in...that's what I'm gonna do, while I try not to think about Will's muffin top hanging out of his shirt in that video.
More. Cowbell.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

The Reasons I Keep Trying

I sat and wrote a really LOOOONG post today, regarding my depression. I am still trying to decide if I need to post it or keep it private. Maybe it's just for me. I don't know yet.

In the meantime, we went to the park Tuesday to enjoy the afternoon sun. The warm sun and my kids helped me feel a few moments of joy.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Help! I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up!!

It's the New Year and I wanted to write this really great, funny, uplifting post today, but I'm afraid it's just not in me. I am struggling. It may have something to do with the fact that I have had the flu/cold twice now in a month. All I know is it's January 4th and I still don't have a clear direction for my family this year. We spent the entire year of 2008 struggling just to survive and I didn't want to start another year without some goals and direction. I shouldn't say we have no direction, we have some general ideas, but nothing concrete.

If you've been reading my blog for the last 6 months or if you happen to know me, you know that I am one of those people who is incomprehensively emotional. I attribute it to my wierd childhood and all of my "issues." Maybe that's an excuse. Maybe I would have been like this regardless of how I grew up. All I know is right now I feel retarded. I feel incapable. I feel like I have lost my ability to rise above the - whatever it is you are supposed to rise above - and move forward. We are stuck. My husband is stuck, I am stuck, we are stuck. Has anyone ever been in this place before? How did you get past it? 'Cause truthfully? I feel like if I don't find something soon, my head is going to explode!

Being here, stuck in this unproductive place, is causing me physical pain. It's like all of the sudden I am 8 years old again and I am being thrust into an adult world and being told to figure it out. Why aren't my coping skills kicking in? Why isn't my sense of logic and my desire to succeed pushing me past my fear and worry? Why can't I put together some kind of plan to help me and my family out of the mess we are in? Where has my confidence gone? WHERE IS THE ADULT ME WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE STEPPING IN TO RESCUE THE KID ME RIGHT NOW?!?!?!

My husband, who is a good man but who is lost himself, is no help. If I have a carload of baggage, this man has a trainload. Not a full boxcar, an entire TRAIN. FULL. So yeah...unless some kind of miracle happens, which it could, I'm pretty much on my own here.

In fact, the whole reason we are here is because his issues attacked him and he shut down, which led mine to attack me and it's all I can do not to shut down and so we sit and pretend to have a conversation and try to make a plan, but neither one of us can actually shake loose long enough to put anything of real value into action. We just kind of go through the motions. Mostly I go through the motions. He is just kind of existing right now. I feel bad, I have nothing left to offer him. I can't help him...I can barely help myself and keep things going for the kids.

Wow! What a bummer of a post this is! Hey Internets, if you have nothing to feel bad about going into the new year, be sure and stop by Boymom's Blog. She'll complain at you until you feel just as depressed as she feels! Sorry. I am not trying to be Debbie Downer. I always said I would write what I feel on my blog though, so I will let the post stand for now, as this is my reality today.

So...I guess I'm asking for advice. Praying is always part of my process. So far, I am not hearing much back in that department, at least that I am recognizing. I feel completely paralyzed and lost. I know some of you won't get that. My mom is one of those people who never lets life get the best of her. I wish I could be more like that. She's able to keep her emotions from overcoming her to the point that she can't function. I don't know why I struggle with that. Mine seem to consume me. And now I am being drowned by them.

I would love to hear from any and all of you how you get through very difficult, uncertain circumstances without being so overwhelmed that you shut down. Seriously. Give me your secrets, your thoughts, your jokes, your pep talks, your butt chewings - whatever ya got. I'll read them all and be thankful for the efforts you make to share. Then I'll pull myself up by the bootstraps (Now I remembered that one, why can't I remember the rise above it thing?), even though I own no boots, and try to post something more positive this week!

Thanks for listening bloggy friends.