Wednesday, February 17, 2010

SAHM No More?

Well, I'm kind of a working girl as of yesterday.  The regular kind of working girl, not the Pretty Woman kind of working girl.  I started a temporary job that is easy on the mind, but kind of tough on the 'ole sleep meter.  I am working second shift and not getting home 'til almost 2 a.m.  It will take some getting used to, but the work is easy enough that as long as I don't fall asleep on the hour-long drive home, I think I can do this! And it pays well enough that it's worth the sacrifice for awhile.  (Do you see what I just did there?  Do you see how I am trying really hard to be positive?  Glass half full, right?)

My boys are not so sure they can handle it though.  This is only the second time I have worked out of my house and been away from them for the bulk of the day.  The difference is that last time I did it, they were younger and their dad was home with them during the day, so they felt okay.  And then I was back home by 2 p.m. to sepend the rest of the day with them.

This time they may have to stay with a sitter a few days a week after school until their dad can get them after school at 9 :30 p.m.  And I don't get to see them in the evenings.  None of us are thrilled about the situation and I am struggling with the fact that I only see the boys for an hour in the mornings while we are getting ready for school.  I have to be at work before they get out of school and I don't get home until long after they are in bed.  

This is hard for me. I hate not meeting them after school and talking to them about their day.  I hate not knowing how things are going with their homework.  I hate not being there at dinner to make sure they are fed well and not being able to get them to Scouts.  I hate that I may have to pay somebody else to do the job I should be doing.  Did I mention I am really struggling with this work situation?  But the job came and we need the money to pay the mortgage, so what d'ya do?  You go where the money is, right? 

I am sincerely amazed by lovig, caring, single parents who have to make these kinds of tough decisions every day about how to best care for their kids and still find a way to make ends meet financially!  I can't imagine the emotional struggles they have to face.  Lord love'em for their strength!

So, as I get ready for night two on the job, I am really trying hard to be strong.  I really missed their hugs last night (I know, it's only been one night...I told you!  I'm having a hard time with this!)  It's such a great way to end our day.   All the drama and hurt feelings and stresses of the day just melt away while I embrace my boys and they squeeze me tightly in return.  Even when we are grumpy and tired and mad.  Their hearts soften and they remember that their mom really does love them, and I breathe in their clean smelling, freshly washed hair and soft skin as we hug and rock and talk and pray during the last few minutes of the day. 

It's our time.  And , despite the fact that just a few hours before I was threatening to send them to live with the mean lady down the street, I count on that time at night to help me stay in touch with my boys.  It's my last chance at the end of each day to remember and give thanks for the two sweet spirits that bring so much joy to my life.

So yeah...We're all kind of struggling with this.       


Queen of Chaos said...

I'm now in tears. Thanks!

I feel your pain and I know how you feel. My heart aches with yours and I hope your time away is shorter then later.

Miss Hope said...

Awe, G. My mother's heart aches with and for you on this. Hang in there and hopefully this won't be for long. Maybe get a big post-it notepad and start leaving love notes in random places? Shoes, backpacks, underwear drawer? Tell them handsome boys of yours you need some love, too! Maybe the challenge of finding random places will make them feel better because they're boys and boys like a challenge? I'm sorry...I'm just trying to help.


Sandra said...

Oh man, that is rough, I'm sorry.

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