I'm HOME again!! For a few weeks anyway...

I made it!  My Census job is done and while I am sad at how the whole "ending" thing went down, I can honestly say that I am completely relieved to be done with the drive and the 2nd shift schedule.  Sometime I will go into detail about the pros and cons of working at the Census.  Right now, none of that matters.  What matters is that I am back home and have had 3 glorious days of time with my family.  Kind of.  Actually, my husband has been working the entire weekend, so I haven't seen him much, but the work is good, because it is the first real job his demolition business has had since he started it a few months ago.  YAY!!!  Whoo-hoo!! 

And the weekend hasn't necessarily been glorious.  It has been...well...it's life.  Injured kids, housework, bills.  All that stuff that makes work seem like a good place to be some days.  So maybe glorious is the wrong word. I'm not sure I have the right word to explain how I have felt the last few days, as I fold clothes and load the dishwasher.  I just know I'm home. You know that feeling?  The one that makes you feel like you are right where you should be, even if your circumstances are chaotic and stressful?  That's what my weekend felt like. 

I have to be truthful though...it took me a few hours to get to the point where I was glad to be home.  When I woke up Friday morning it was the most awesome feeling in the world...no work today!  Then I opened my eyes.  The house looks like a bomb hit it.  There are dishes and clothes everywhere.  I don't have a clue what's dirty and clean with the clothes, so I'm spending hours rewashing and folding and putting things away.  The bathrooms are seriously in need of a major hosing down.  Like with a fire hose. 

But inspite of all the extra housework I have to do, along with finding a new job?  It feels so nice to be here and to be needed.  My house needs my attention.  My kids need my attention.  My husband needs my attention.  I feel like I have worth and value as a wife and stay-at-home mom that I never felt before.  My people actually appreciate me!  My kids hug me...like all day long.  For no reason.  They just walk up and hug me and tell me they love me.  My husband thanks me for trying so hard to get the house back into shape.  (Funny, it was never in that great of shape to begin with, but it really looks bad now!)  Everyone is so excited that I went grocery shopping and that there is actually food in the house again!   

Now I'm not stupid.  I know the appreciation won't last.  My being home all day again is still new.  In about a week (maybe two if I work really hard to stretch it out) I will no longer be a novelty in our house and things will go back to the normal lack of attention and proper appreciation.  But a woman can hope, can't she?  And in the meantime, I am going to suck up all of the praise and glory I can from my male family members and remind them constantly about how lucky they are that I have a few weeks off between jobs to nag and complain at them and make them do chores care for them and nurture them and teach them. 

So...I'm back home.  For a few weeks.  And the house is a wreck and my kids need haircuts and my husband is working 2 jobs and life is...normal again.  I'm kinda diggin' on that.   

SAHM No More?

Well, I'm kind of a working girl as of yesterday.  The regular kind of working girl, not the Pretty Woman kind of working girl.  I started a temporary job that is easy on the mind, but kind of tough on the 'ole sleep meter.  I am working second shift and not getting home 'til almost 2 a.m.  It will take some getting used to, but the work is easy enough that as long as I don't fall asleep on the hour-long drive home, I think I can do this! And it pays well enough that it's worth the sacrifice for awhile.  (Do you see what I just did there?  Do you see how I am trying really hard to be positive?  Glass half full, right?)

My boys are not so sure they can handle it though.  This is only the second time I have worked out of my house and been away from them for the bulk of the day.  The difference is that last time I did it, they were younger and their dad was home with them during the day, so they felt okay.  And then I was back home by 2 p.m. to sepend the rest of the day with them.

This time they may have to stay with a sitter a few days a week after school until their dad can get them after school at 9 :30 p.m.  And I don't get to see them in the evenings.  None of us are thrilled about the situation and I am struggling with the fact that I only see the boys for an hour in the mornings while we are getting ready for school.  I have to be at work before they get out of school and I don't get home until long after they are in bed.  

This is hard for me. I hate not meeting them after school and talking to them about their day.  I hate not knowing how things are going with their homework.  I hate not being there at dinner to make sure they are fed well and not being able to get them to Scouts.  I hate that I may have to pay somebody else to do the job I should be doing.  Did I mention I am really struggling with this work situation?  But the job came and we need the money to pay the mortgage, so what d'ya do?  You go where the money is, right? 

I am sincerely amazed by lovig, caring, single parents who have to make these kinds of tough decisions every day about how to best care for their kids and still find a way to make ends meet financially!  I can't imagine the emotional struggles they have to face.  Lord love'em for their strength!

So, as I get ready for night two on the job, I am really trying hard to be strong.  I really missed their hugs last night (I know, it's only been one night...I told you!  I'm having a hard time with this!)  It's such a great way to end our day.   All the drama and hurt feelings and stresses of the day just melt away while I embrace my boys and they squeeze me tightly in return.  Even when we are grumpy and tired and mad.  Their hearts soften and they remember that their mom really does love them, and I breathe in their clean smelling, freshly washed hair and soft skin as we hug and rock and talk and pray during the last few minutes of the day. 

It's our time.  And , despite the fact that just a few hours before I was threatening to send them to live with the mean lady down the street, I count on that time at night to help me stay in touch with my boys.  It's my last chance at the end of each day to remember and give thanks for the two sweet spirits that bring so much joy to my life.

So yeah...We're all kind of struggling with this.