Saturday, November 5, 2011

Independence Day

Ya know what this is?

It's Freedom, Baby!!  This was the first day EVER that they got to ride their bikes to school without an adult.  They were so excited they barely took time to give me a wave before they rolled down the driveway and wheeled off to their new school with the neighbor kid.  It was a great moment for all of us.  A real taste of independence for them and a realization for me that it was okay to let them have a longer leash.  Not to mention the rush of gratitude I felt that we are blessed to have found a good, safe neighborhood so the boys can have these kinds of experiences! 

I have to admit that the first morning was bittersweet.  I had mixed emotions.  My initial thought was that for the first time in 6 years, I wouldn't have to fight the traffic in the drop-off lane or worry about getting to the school early in the afternoon so I could find a parking space!  Whoo-hoo!  Then the emotions kicked in and started talking to me.  And my Mommy Heart felt kind of sad and heavy for a few moments because it heard this:

"Your little boys are growing up - they aren't little boys anymore. You're should savor these moments because one day they're going to drive off and not come back for a long time.  They'll be busy creating lives of their own and you'll be lucky to get a phone call once in awhile."  Wow.  Even typing the words out makes me want to start crying.  I cannot begin to imagine a life without some kind of daily interaction with my boys.

I remember what my life was like before the boys came.  And if I'm honest, there have been moments where I wistfully yearned for just a few of those "before the kids" days.  The days when I was free to do whatever I wanted to do, how and when I wanted to do it.  Usually those yearnings came after a week of cleaning up kid poo and vomit.  Or maybe after the 15 hour drive that left us all wondering which genius thought a road trip would be "fun."  But those wishes were fleeting thoughts that only lingered for a moment.  A grubby little hug and a wet smack on the cheek chased those wishes away, making space for warm thoughts and smiles about the life I have now -  "with the kids."

So while days like "the first day we rode our bikes to school" may evoke feelings of uncertainty about my future with them, I am trying to not dwell on what I will be missing and focus instead on what I have now - two really great boys who are enjoying their new home, happily pedaling through the neighborhood and looking for adventure.  And who doesn't need a little adventure once in awhile?


Hedgetoad said...

Although I'm at the stage where riding a bike alone is still far away, I know it's coming... and I'll probably be a sobbing mess. Or kicking my heels up. It's a 50-50 split.

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