It's Freedom, Baby!! This was the first day EVER that they got to ride their bikes to school without an adult. They were so excited they barely took time to give me a wave before they rolled down the driveway and wheeled off to their new school with the neighbor kid. It was a great moment for all of us. A real taste of independence for them and a realization for me that it was okay to let them have a longer leash. Not to mention the rush of gratitude I felt that we are blessed to have found a good, safe neighborhood so the boys can have these kinds of experiences!
I have to admit that the first morning was bittersweet. I had mixed emotions. My initial thought was that for the first time in 6 years, I wouldn't have to fight the traffic in the drop-off lane or worry about getting to the school early in the afternoon so I could find a parking space! Whoo-hoo! Then the emotions kicked in and started talking to me. And my Mommy Heart felt kind of sad and heavy for a few moments because it heard this:
"Your little boys are growing up - they aren't little boys anymore. You're should savor these moments because one day they're going to drive off and not come back for a long time. They'll be busy creating lives of their own and you'll be lucky to get a phone call once in awhile." Wow. Even typing the words out makes me want to start crying. I cannot begin to imagine a life without some kind of daily interaction with my boys.
I remember what my life was like before the boys came. And if I'm honest, there have been moments where I wistfully yearned for just a few of those "before the kids" days. The days when I was free to do whatever I wanted to do, how and when I wanted to do it. Usually those yearnings came after a week of cleaning up kid poo and vomit. Or maybe after the 15 hour drive that left us all wondering which genius thought a road trip would be "fun." But those wishes were fleeting thoughts that only lingered for a moment. A grubby little hug and a wet smack on the cheek chased those wishes away, making space for warm thoughts and smiles about the life I have now - "with the kids."
So while days like "the first day we rode our bikes to school" may evoke feelings of uncertainty about my future with them, I am trying to not dwell on what I will be missing and focus instead on what I have now - two really great boys who are enjoying their new home, happily pedaling through the neighborhood and looking for adventure. And who doesn't need a little adventure once in awhile?
I remember what my life was like before the boys came. And if I'm honest, there have been moments where I wistfully yearned for just a few of those "before the kids" days. The days when I was free to do whatever I wanted to do, how and when I wanted to do it. Usually those yearnings came after a week of cleaning up kid poo and vomit. Or maybe after the 15 hour drive that left us all wondering which genius thought a road trip would be "fun." But those wishes were fleeting thoughts that only lingered for a moment. A grubby little hug and a wet smack on the cheek chased those wishes away, making space for warm thoughts and smiles about the life I have now - "with the kids."
So while days like "the first day we rode our bikes to school" may evoke feelings of uncertainty about my future with them, I am trying to not dwell on what I will be missing and focus instead on what I have now - two really great boys who are enjoying their new home, happily pedaling through the neighborhood and looking for adventure. And who doesn't need a little adventure once in awhile?
1 Comments:
Although I'm at the stage where riding a bike alone is still far away, I know it's coming... and I'll probably be a sobbing mess. Or kicking my heels up. It's a 50-50 split.
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