My ManCub Isn't a Cub Anymore.

My kiddo isn't a kid any more! Twenty years ago he came into the world and I became a mother. He has blessed our lives with his happy and calm spirit every day since then.

He is hilarious, handsome, kind, intelligent and weirdly wise for a young man of his age. 

Tanner is an old soul.  His spirit sees and understands things far beyond his earthly years.

He's a deep thinker, this one. And those thoughts can lead to some pretty profound conclusions sometimes.

His capacity to love and forgive make me try harder to be a better person every day. Most days I feel like parenting through the lens of trauma that I still work through has wrecked my boys.

But then my oldest - my Golden Bear - he shows up with his kind and gentle ways and I get to see that, despite my messy guidance, he's growing up to be a really amazing person. 

And I feel some redemption. Happy Birthday, Tanner! Thanks for 20 years of unconditional love and joy! ❤

Parent Transitioning Is Hard

Sitting in church and watching the families around me interact. So many little boys hugging their mothers, playing with Mom's hair, laying their heads in Mom's lap, stroking her cheek with grubby, chubby, toddler hands. 

Looks of love and giggles shared between a mother and son, as all of them work to keep their little dudes busy, while also trying to gain some spiritual nourishment. That bond between mother and son is so strong!

And then, as I sit there feeling a twinge of sadness that I don't have those little moments with my little boys anymore, my 18 year old son puts his arm around my shoulder and my mama heart melts. The bond has grown even stronger. The moments of toddler adoration may be gone, but the love is still there and sometimes they remember to show it.  

 #boymoms #theysmellbetternow #hestillsplayswithmyhair #theirstronghugspopmybacksodoublebenefits

When One Door Closes...You Go Home and Cry and Then Watch Friends for 2 Days While You Reevaluate Your Life Choices

Do you remember that time when you thought your life was really starting to take a turn for the positive and then the world slammed that door shut right in your face? Yeah, me too.  Sigh.  Good times.  Gooood times.

Except you know what? I'm weirdly okay.  I mean, yeah, I did have a big cry session and got really depressed for few days. But overall, after the initial shock, I don't feel as horrible as I thought I would that I was laid off after 5 months. It's a start up company.  There are growing pains. Like budget cuts. And I was a casualty.  But I put everything I had into being successful there and I made really good friends. So, I really don't have anything to feel bad about with regard to my performance there, other than I should have stepped out of my comfort zone a little quicker to learn the job functions of other areas in the company so that I had more value. But honestly, as jobs go, I worked my butt off at this one. And it just didn't pay off this time.  What can you do?

But I wasn't prepared for the end, so I have found myself struggling to regroup in terms of next steps. Mostly because I'm not in the mood to go back to the traditional working mom role again. The one where I leave for 12 hours a day and give someone else everything I have to give so the company can make a lot of money and then come home exhausted, with nothing left to give to my family.  I don't like that kind of existence. I don't mind working.  I love using my time and talents to help a company grow! I'm just really ready to do something that's fulfilling with a company that really, truly recognizes that I can't leave every ounce of my being on the work table, because I have to have some left for my family. 

So, while I have spent the last month and a half looking for a job that's a really great fit, I am also trying really, really hard to enjoy the time I have to think about what will make me whole and happy.  I've also tried really hard to enjoy my boys and savor every unhurried moment I have with them, because they will be gone in a few short years and I won't get this time back. I'm trying to make sure we talk about exploring their options after high school and spend lots of time talking with them about dreams and ambitions.  That way when life gets hard for them after they leave home, I can recall with them our little day trips and conversations and remind them that they have a plan. I can bring back the memories we are making right now to encourage them to stay focused on goals, so they CAN create the kind of life they want. The kind of life that makes them feel whole and happy and fulfilled. The kind of life I have struggled to create for myself for the last 50 years.

And as I write this, it occurs to me that I think I have actually found a job that is the perfect fit for me right now. I get to be a tuned-in, focused mom again. Sometimes the door closes and things come to an end for a reason. Until this very second, I didn't grasp the fact that I'm where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to be doing at this moment.

Also, I have more time to binge watch FRIENDS. Because honestly...how can this not make you feel better?

via GIPHY

Back to School: the High School Years. Reality Hits You Hard, Bro.

First day of school is in the books.  Some mild complaining about schedules and how everyone in the entire world who is worth knowing is in the same fun class with the best teacher in the entire universe, who is actually a stand up comedian that just teaches because he/she got tired of being famous - EXCEPT for my kids, who of course ended up in classes taught by Satan's 8th grade math teacher in rooms where each seat taken by one of their nemesēs from the last 5 years and they have to sit next to the talkiest, lamest, smelliest one that they hate the most, but have to endure because mom taught them to be nice, even to people who make their heads want to explode. Ah, the cruelty of high school.

Apparently it was all too much as everyone was in bed before 10 pm tonight.  Last time this happened?  About 3 months ago.  Feels good to be back on schedule again, dealing with real world problems...like schedule changes and 8000 parent signatures and smelly gym clothes.

How Geri Got Her Gratitude Back

My heart is full tonight and I want to share. It will seem like a tiny event to most of you, but today something great happened to me and I just want to tell someone about it!

So my washer broke last week. What I found in my life about broken washers is this: they always break when they are full of water and wet clothes. And they never break when you have money or time to fix or replace them. A broken washer is a huge inconvenience. Huge. Huuuuuuuuuuuge (Say that in your best Donald Trump voice).

As per broken washer rules, mine broke true to form when I was awash in worry about hormonal imbalances that are wreaking havoc with my body, financial issues that make my head hurt, work schedules that do not accommodate my family needs and various other concerns that have me feeling overwhelmed and less than able to cope. So yeah...it picked the perfect time to break if its goal was to push me over the Cliffs of Insanity.

After a few moments of troubleshooting and a call to two different repair guys, the consensus was that I needed to get a new washer. Great. A $500 hit to our pretty much depleted budget. With that dose of reality came copious amounts of stress and worry, because that's how I roll. Soon I found myself near tears and on my knees, praying for help, relief, strength, anything as I searched for non-existent coping skills that would not kick in. Then we ran out of clean towels and underwear so I started looking at new washers.

There were lots of new, shiny washers to look at, so I should have been excited about finding something awesome that would make my clothes come out cleaned and neatly folded. But I didn't feel excited. I felt anxious and frustrated and out of sorts and worried about making the purchase. And always, every time I started to shop, I kept having this feeling that I should try to fix my old washer. To which I replied, "Ummm, NO! Too hard, too much time, too old (me and the washer), just no." To which the feeling replied, "It will be okay. You can do this. It will save you a lot of money. Seriously. You should just fix it." To which I replied, "But I don't want to fix it, that option seems really hard and time consuming. Plus, I slammed my thumb in the car door three days ago and it still hurts and the cuticle is all mangled and I don't want to hurt it more. So no" To which the feeling replied, "I think you should think about it. It's a good way to go."

So I thought about it for two more days. And while I was thinking another hard, stupid thing happened and the stress and worry about everything that had occurred over the last few weeks came crashing down. My co-workers were awesome and helped me keep it together when I was on the verge of tears at work, but when I got in the car to come home, I broke down and sobbed. I cried all the way home. And while I cried, I prayed. I prayed for peace, for money, for wisdom, for strength, for love, for hope, for insight and understanding, for someone else to cook dinner and for help with that stupid, stupid washing machine that I loved and needed so I could wash clothes. And after I prayed, the feeling said "You should fix it yourself." To which I replied, "You know what? Fine."

Now you probably know this, but something happens when you finally give in to a feeling or a thought that has been bugging you for awhile. Things just start to fall into place. I came home, googled the problem and darned if I didn't find a whole new forum that had every answer I needed to fix the washer. Why do you suppose that answer never came up the first 6 times I scoured the internet for answers? Then I tore into the washer, found a parts store today that had everything I needed and $100 later? My washer is fixed. I'm washing towels in it right now. Okay, so I forgot to check the belt and found out it has a big tear in it, so I will have to replace that tomorrow, but for now, the washer is working. And I am overjoyed! I am also pretty freaking awesome!

While I was watching my handiwork on action, I finally stepped down from my fix-it high for a moment and realized something. That feeling that I had been fighting all week? Was the help I had been asking for. And in my typical child-like fashion, I was too busy having a meltdown to stop and think about where the thoughts and feelings were coming from long enough to calm down and accept the help that was being offered.  Because that's how I roll. I'm all about the brick wall experience.

Maybe this doesn't seem like a big deal to people. That's okay.  I get it.  Lots of drama over nothing.  But to me?  It's HUUUUUUUUGE (Trump it up)!  Having this one thing off of my plate took just enough weight off of my shoulders that I can think and breathe again. I sooooo needed this break.

So tonight, I sit here at my computer filled to the core with gratitude for the answer to my prayers. Some of you may call what happened intuition or coincidence or something completely different and that's fine with me. I call it divine help from a loving Heavenly Father who heard His daughter's plea for relief. For the first time in weeks, my soul feels peace. How can I not love a Father who extended His hand to lift me up and help me in a way that not only shows me his kindness and concern, but also gives me confidence in my ability to solve problems and overcome challenges? I feel so blessed to be the Child of God. He took this:

 (No idea who this poor little "Snot Baby" is, but I was so feelin' it!)

And turned me into this: 

YESSSSSSSS! 

My October Dream: 2015 Beaches Social Media on the Sand Conference

I have been blogging since 2008.  When I look back at the difference between my posts when I first started and my posts now, it's obvious that life has certainly changed!  And I am sad to say that some of those life changes have taken me away from things I truly love!  

Writing has always been an outlet for me and blogging came along at a time when I felt lost and confused about my role in my family and my role in the world.  Blogging provided a venue for me to vent, to laugh, to share and to meet other people in the world at a time when I really needed to feel connected. Blogging became a lifeline that gave me hope and that helped me learn more about my strengths and talents.  Blogging gave me a network that allowed me to tap into an amazing and supportive group of women from all walks of life and from all over the globe. I have internet friends that feel like family because of blogging and social media!

Since the day I started blogging, it has been my greatest desire to attend a blog conference. I've had a few opportunities, but have never been able to take advantage of them due to bad timing or bad finances.  It occurred to me a few weeks ago, that had I worked harder to make one of them in particular happen, I think my life would be very different today.  I think the networking, the learning and the friendships I would have made there would have helped me have more confidence in my ability to earn a living pursuing my passion.  I would have had a bigger group of friends and associates to lean on when I was feeling overwhelmed and in need of support. I would have been surrounded by like minded women who find ways to overcome obstacles and make what they love become what they do. I would get to sit at the feet of Social Media Mavens like Maria Bailey to better learn the craft. It makes me sad to think about how much time I have wasted trying to convince myself that what I love has value and worth because circumstances in my tiny world try to make me believe otherwise. 

I know, sitting around and feeling bad does nothing to change my circumstance.  Which is why this year, I am committed to attending at least one conference!  Last year I was invited to attend the
Beaches Social Media on the Sand Conference.  I had to turn it down because it was financially impossible at the time. I regretted not trying harder to find a way to make it happen.  My family was sorely in need of some bonding time and I was sorely in need of being with a group of people who get why blogging is "my thing."  I applied again this year and nothing would make me happier than to have the opportunity to attend the 2015 Beaches Social Media on the Sand Conference!  I heard and read nothing but amazing things about it! From the phenomenal accommodations and staff to the engaging and relevant content, everyone who attended raved about the conference. 

I want to rave about it too!  So I hope I make the list this year.  I pray that the blogging gods will smile kindly upon me and give me and my family a chance to experience the beautiful Turks and Caicos Island together while I learn more about how to be a better blogger. My kids and husband need to see how happy mom is when she's in her element and I need to help them see the world can be so much more than struggling to pay bills in tiny Idaho. 

So I'm just putting this out there for the Universe to hear and see!  I'm ready for some Social Media on the Sand this year! I'm making my plans for October and trusting that you are hearing this, Universe! My family needs to spend some time together this year looking at this:

(photo courtesy of Beaches Resort)

I'm doin' my part, I'm putting out positive thoughts and working hard to make sure we can make it happen on our end, so don't let me down, Universe! You and me, Uni. Working together.  We got this!

I Am Boymom...and Mrs. Fix-It

Being a Boymom means learning how to fix things.  Lots of things.  Like broken toys, broken bed frames, broken bikes and sometimes even broken hearts.  I'm super happy that I have to fix broken "things" a lot more often than broken "feelings."  Broken feelings are much harder to fix.  You can't use super glue and duct tape and staple guns to fix broken feelings and broken people.  I'm pretty handy with super glue and duct tape and staple guns and small power tools.  I'm not always as knowledgeable about how to mend feelings. 

But back to my awesome and amazing skills as a repair woman of appliances and toys and electronics!  I'm not bragging.  Okay, kind of I am bragging, because I'm on a high after fixing the baffle on my dryer.  You know, one of those fin things that flip the clothes around while the barrel spins?  Yeah.  That. The thing that no one realizes can come loose until it actually does.  Well, mine did.  And I fixed it.  And okay, it wasn't super hard, but it felt really good to know that I could take my own dryer apart and put it back together and have it work!

After the dryer, I sat down and started thinking about all the things I have fixed or replaced with zero assistance.  Among the numerous items I have repaired are BB Guns, Nerf Guns, Hexbugs, Blow Dryers, Matchbox Cars, Sneakers, RC Cars, Radios, a 42" Flat Screen HDTV, 2 different washers, a dryer, 3 broken bed frames, a broken sofa, a Lazy Boy recliner, a broken cable on an electric car window,  a VW carburetor, a toilet, a garbage disposal, bike tires, broken bike chains, a water heater...so many things!

What is the point of all this?  I don't know. It just hit me that I have fixed a lot of things. And that maybe I should take the time to appreciate my ability to dive in and repair something that is not working. It's not a bad skill to have. It certainly comes in handy in a house full of boys. Maybe the Universe is trying to tell me that I need to open a repair shop.

Boymom Parenting Confession: I'm Not Ready for Teenagers

I have major writer's block.  I have had if for like 3 years now.  I keep trying to compose witty or compelling blog content, but nothing coming from my keyboard seems very readable these days. Okay, the truth is, there are lots of things I want to say, but I am kind of self-censoring because I want to make sure I say what I have to say the right way.  It's pretty raw right now.  So I will wait until I can share it in an impactful way.

  

Until then, I will proudly post this photo of my growing boys and share the fact that along with the brain fog that keeps me from being able to create a decent blog post?  I am also kind of having parental paralysis.  I have a teenager and a pre-teen, y'all!  Parenting at this stage is so different than it was when they were little!  I think I was a much better little kid mom than I am a teenager mom.  I am having a hard time engaging with them as they get older and that worries me.  I know these are critical years and I know how important positive parental interaction is for teenagers.  Being a teenager is tough!  And I don't want to be the person making it harder for them than it needs to be.  

I am so lucky that I have good boys.  But I know how quickly things can change.  One wrong choice, whether it be choosing the wrong friend or experimenting with drugs, can have such a negative impact on a kid's life.  So I need to step up and make sure that I am as equipped as I can possibly be to deal with life as a mom of teenagers.  I hear many of you laughing right now.  Not giggling...loud guffaws and head shaking coming from the internets.  And I know why. Because I think the answer to that is that there is no way to be fully prepared and equipped for what's coming. Because it's different for everyone and it changes daily.  And I must be insane if I think I can adequately prepare for what's coming.  Am I right?  I'm pretty sure I am right.  And to your laughing?  I respond with this:  "I know. Shut up."

 

So this is a shout for help to all my mom friends who have teenagers.  How do you make the transition from being a kid parent to a teenager parent?  How have you improved your relationship with your teenage boys?  How do you engage with them in positive ways when their hormones are raging and yours are changing and you both want to scream at the top of your lungs and cry instead of having a calm conversation? What if you have nothing in common with your son anymore?  What tips do you have for a struggling Boymom of teens to help her create a loving, safe environment for her sons?

I'm reachin' out, Boymoms!  Don't leave me hangin.'  Drop some knowledge on me.  I am open and willing to listen. But you should hurry, because the hormones are all over the place and my window of openness might shut without warning tomorrow!  

Celebrate Mother's Day with a Mom's Night Out

Sometimes as moms we get so busy and wrapped up in the care of our family that we forget to take care of ourselves.  And when we start to feel tired and burned out, maybe we start feeling guilty about wanting a little down time.  What helps me when I get to that place?  Is being reminded that I am not alone in the struggle to keep from feeling that I'm not doing a good enough job of raising my kids.

So when something comes along that lifts me up and helps me soldier on in the parenting department and maybe even makes me laugh about it? I wanna share!

Mother's Day is just a month away and this year Moms can celebrate the ups and downs of motherhood by seeing Mom's Night Out, a movie by Provident Films.  It opens in theaters on Friday May 9th, making it the perfect way to take the night off with a group of mom friends for a night of fun!!

The movie stars favorite TV mom Patricia Heaton, beautiful Sarah Drew, Sean Aston and Trace Adkins.  I was privileged to see a special screening of the movie a few months ago and I found it both hilarious and heartwarming.  But more importantly?  The movie reminded me that the most important work I will ever do is within the walls of my own home and that I need to not judge myself so harshly when I feel like the job is hard and frustrating and overwhelming.  Because sometimes it is all those things.  Seriously.  Go see the movie.  You will leave the theater feeling so much better about the work you do in your home.

.

Wordless Wednesday - Well, Just a Few Words, Cuz I Can't Not Talk

My Christmas Poinsettia: Haggard and worn, but not giving up. Hmmm...Life Metaphor?

Monster Jam Comes Back to Nampa, Idaho - March 14th, 2014

Guess what time it is?  Guess. What. Time. It. Is?!  It's Monster Jam time in Idaho, people!!  Time to get out and be amongst your fellow Monster Truck fans for a heart thumpin', fist bumpin' night of Monster Truck action! 

Monster Jam will be returning to the Idaho Center in Nampa on March 14th and 15th, 2014 for 3 shows. There will be an evening show on Friday, March 14th and both a Matinee and evening show on Saturday, March 15th.  And don't forget to go to the Pit Party before the Saturday Matinee!  Kids can get autographes from the drivers and see the Monster Trucks up close!  Pit passes go fast, so you'll want to make sure to get those tickets early!

My boys love the Monster Jam.  It's so fun to see the trucks, support the local racers and be a part of a great crowd! It's one night the boys really get to let loose and get loud and scream at the top of their lungs as they cheer for their favorite truck.  They like to check the Monster Jam website throughout the year to see how their trucks are doing and enter some of the contests.   Little ones will love the activities and coloring pages you can find here! 

This year's Monster Jam features 8 high flying, car crushing trucks, with old favorites like Grave Digger and Captain USA returning to the Idaho Center, while Max-D, Monster Energy, and Destroyer make their Nampa debut!

Photos by Eric Stern - Monster Jam Website

Monster JamTickets are on sale now with Kids tickets starting as low at $10!  You can get your tickets by clicking this link. I Am Boymom readers can use code MOM for a $4 off discount (see discount  

• Valid on Friday 7:30pm and Saturday 2pm only
• No double discounts
• Valid on $22 & $25 tickets only
• Offer expires March 13, 2014  

 Hope to see you there!  Look for us, we will be the crazy ones waving our hands and cheering like mad!

Disclosure:   I am a Feld Family Ambassador, and in exchange for my time and efforts in attending shows and reporting my opinion within this blog, as well as keeping you advised of the latest discount offers, Feld Entertainment has provided me with complimentary tickets to Feld shows and opportunities to attend private Feld pre-Show events.  Even though these benefits were received, ALL thoughts and opinions are my own.  No other compensation was provided.