We've had a week full of snow and both boys loved it at first. Big Brother has decided that it looks nicer than it actually is, while Little Man is frustrated that we can't take full advantage of the white stuff by driving to cool places where he can slide down hills and run through huge, open fields where no man has sullied the huge, frozen canvas with footprints or tire tracks. He doesn't get that the car is not geared for driving on the roads that don't see too many plows. They say they don't get large amount of snow very often around here. Which is good because my Arizona tires just slide around and spin and make everyone else on the roads around me frustrated while they watch and wait for me to get some traction so I can get OUT OF THEIR WAY! But Little Man's a kid. Why would he worry about driving in the snow? His job is to play in the snow, my job is the driving part.
As much as Little Man loves the snow, he has some learning to do regarding the navigation and effects of the white stuff. When I picked him up from school on Tuesday, he walked slowly to the car minus his usual vim and vigor, looking pretty close to tears. When I asked him what was wrong, he muttered something about being cold and tired. He hardly ever uses those words. The kid's a walking furnace. He puts off enough body heat to roast a chicken. And tired? This is the child who wakes up at 6 a.m. on weekends so he has more time to play.
When we got home he walked straight into the house, got into his flannel pajamas and crawled under a fleece blanket on the sofa. And then he looked up with the most pitiful face I have ever seen and said, "Mom, today was the worst day EVER."
Okay. Here we go with the drama. I love my Little Man, but he tends toward the dramatic when his day doesn't go as he planned. So...I took the bait: "Why was today the worst day EVER, bud?"
"Because I thought it was going to be fun and it ended up NOT being fun. Well it was fun at first. But then all this bad stuff happened."
By now, I'm starting to wonder just what happened? Did he get hit? Was someone picking on him? What? So I ask, "What do you mean bad stuff, Little Man?"
"Well, at recess we decided to slide down the hill on our stomachs. But only two of us had slippery coats, so we let other people sit on our backs while we slid them down the hill on our stomachs. My last slide, my coat got pulled up and snow went in the top of my pants. It was cold and it made me feel like I had to pee, so I started running to the bathroom."
I kind of wanted to laugh at this point. Only a kid would think it fun to let someone sit on you while you slid down a hill in the snow on your stomach. To me, that just sounds awkward and painful. But so far I wasn't hearing anything too disasterous. Although having to pee when it's cold can be pretty worrisome. Peeling down pants made wet and cold from snow and exposing your already freezing nether regions to cold air and toilet seats is just not fun. But certainly this was not the whole reason to label this the "worst day EVER."
"Okay, so did something else happen or was that it?"
"Mom. I'm trying to tell you, if you will quit interrupting me. It got WAY worse."
"My bad, son. Please continue." (Man he's testy after the worst day EVER!)
"Mom. I slipped running down the hill and did a face plant and hit my nose and forehead on the ground really hard. Really hard, Mom. Then I flipped over like a somersault, but I didn't roll, I just flipped and landed on my back. And it hurt, Mom. It hurt my back and my face. When I got up, my nose was bleeding, so I ran to the bathroom."
Well, I can see where that would constitute a rough day or even a bad day, but worst day EVER? I let him keep going to see if there was really any truth to the "worst day" thing.
"I was trying to hold my nose so the blood wouldn't get everywhere, so I went in the stall to get some toilet paper. Somehow my gloves fell in the toilet. In the toilet, Mom! Gross! I shoved some toilet paper in my nose so I could try to get my gloves out of the toilet.
"Ewwww. How did you get them out of the toilet?"
"With my hands, Mom. There wasn't anything else to use! It was so gross and I was so mad. I put them in the sink and washed them, but the water was really cold and my hands were freezing and plus I was trying to make my nose stop bleeding. After I was done washing the gloves and cleaning my bloody nose, I remembered I had to pee. So I went back in the stall and when I went to unzip my pants they were all wet."
"Oh buddy, that must have looked bad."
"YEAH, MOM!! IT DID!! The snow melted and made it look like I peed the front of my pants!"
"How come you didn't go to the nurse and call me, Dude? I would have picked you up and brought you home."
"I don't know, Mom. The bell rang, so I was just trying to get to class so I wouldn't be late and try to fix my coat so kids couldn't see my pants and laugh at me. And my nose and back hurt from when I fell. And my feet were wet and cold and I guess I couldn't think. Worst day ever."
Wow. I have to agree. That was a pretty tough day. Toilet gloves, bloody nose and wet pants. Not sure it will be his worst day ever, as he has lots more days to live, but as bad days go, this one was is definitely up there. Welcome to winter weather, son.
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