My Work Computer

is AWESOME! The internet connection is wicked fast and I even have time to blog on occasion, which my boss doesn't mind! Woot! The best thing about the work computer? Is this:

Do you see that massive 27 inch flat screen monitor? I am soooo digging on it. I can see it from across the room. My boss is jealous. He has a new Macbook, which is also way cool, but it only has a tiny little 12 inch screen. Sure he has a fun little photo program that lets him make a pic of himself standing in Machu Piccu somewhere, even though he's really in the office. But I have a massive screen with a slideshow screensaver that makes me feel like I could really be there. My whole lifesize head could actually fit on my screen. Hey...I'm just sayin'. So while he is all hunched over and squinting, trying to read his email? I can dance across the office while reading mine and never miss a word.

Oh. And BONUS!? I can fit all of my Post-it reminders around the screen! All 18 of them.  Or 22...depends on the day.  Most cool. So...just want to thank my uber-cool boss and Joe the computer guy for hooking me up. Office life ain't so bad when you got a big screen to keep you busy.

Really HP?

Okay, not to get all "corporations are evil" on everyone, because I don't believe that all corporations are evil. But when one does decide to go bad and it directly affects me and my family (and MORE importantly, my ability to blog)? Ya gotta know I'm gonna open my big mouth and shout from the rooftops so that EVERYONE within hearing range will know that company does NOT stand behind its products nor does it value its loyal customers.

Who am I hatin' on? Hewlitt Packard. And just so ya know...I'm really sad that I am even having to say bad things about HP, becasue I have been a big fan of their products for a long, long time. I've owned 3 printers in the last 13 years. All HP. None of them quit, I just upgraded. I've owned 4 computers in the last 13 years. 2 were HP's. One was so out of date we donated it and the other is my current laptop. So you know, I've been throwin' some love and money at HP for a few years now, thinking we had a pretty good thing goin.' But this week, when I needed HP to step up? HP just dissed me, people. Left me hangin.' Not even a goodbye kiss.

Where did things go wrong? Here's the story: HP sells us a laptop for $900 a little over 2 years ago. It's an awesome laptop. We love it. We use it. It becomes part of the family. After a year and a few days, when it's warranty had expired, the motherboard fries because of a defective video card. I know this because of my extensive internet research and gazillion conversatins with HP Customer Service reps. Eventually they agree to fix it free of charge because it has come to HP's attention that they have purchased defective parts and so they repair my laptop under the recall issue.

YAY! We love HP! They are great! Whoo-hoo! We trust them! They value us as customers! The love fest continued and all was well with the laptop world. Until last week. When the computer died again, a little over a year after the first repair. Same problem. So apparently they installed ANOTHER faulty motherboard when they replaced the first one! And now, of course, they want me to pay for them to replace the 2nd defective part that they installed, knowing it had issues. And of course, HP is getting all snarky because I'm not very happy with the soultion they have offered. Apparently, there are several hundred, if not a few thousand other people like me around the world who are also not happy with HP, for the same reason. Go figure.

So now, because I am broke, angry and computerless and having to use THIS for a substitute until I figure out what to do,

I feel the need to call HP out on their bad behavior. Once they knew this was a problem, HP should have replaced the affected motherboards with a non-ddefective part or they should have completely traded out the laptops for another unaffected model. Instead, they chose to continue to sell these models even after they knew there were issues, and worse, they continued to use defective parts in the recall/repair efforts, knowing that the problem would likely occur again. Sad. And wrong. Bordering on evil.

The timing for us could not have been worse. No money to deal with the issue and we are both in the middle of a massive job search. So many places want online applications and resumes! It's fine, in the end, we found a way around it. Without HP's help. So the love affair is over. HP has lost my business and my confidence in their products or their company. I would rather use my Charlie Brown computer the rest of my life than give them another dime of my money or minute of my time. After this post, I mean. Because I want to make sure everyone knows how HP deals.

So what have I learned? Computer manufacturers are like conceited high school boys - good looking with lots of bells and whistles doesn't always equate to quality. Am I right?

BTW...some big box stores are having huge price cuts on the affected Pavilion laptops for Black Friday. Unless you want to buy another laptop within a year or so, BUYER BEWARE!! I believe they also make Compaq, which means I'll be looking at Toshiba or Dell I guess.

Some Serious Magic!

Sugar left a great comment on my last Disney post. I was intrigued by her name and bopped over to her blog, where I found this. Sugar and HP, along with 50 other top blogs are giving away an amazing prize package of over $6,000 in computer hardware. I KNOW! What an amazing gift! Sugar wants to know what the entrants are doing to make an impact on the lives of others and how we would use this hardware to better our own lives and the lives of those around us. I thought long and hard about my entry. What am I doing to make a difference in the world around me? How am I impacting others? So this is my entry, Sugar. I'm not sure it's what you are looking for, but it's the truth as I see it.

Some of you know me and some of you don't. Some of you have gotten to know a little about me through my blog. I started this blog because I wanted contact with the world outside of my front door, outside of my neighborhood, outside of my own depressing life. I wanted to connect with others in the world and share my thoughts and feelings with those who care to read about them. Little did I know how it would impact my own life, as well as that of my friends and family. I mean, it's just a blog. And not a very popular one...it's just a normal momblog. How could it have that big of an effect, right?

As I began to write, I found myself reflecting on who I was, who I am, who I want to be. And what I found is that I am not even close to the person I ever thought I would be. And so began the journey. I would write about my Dad, who passed away and realize that his impact on me was greater than I ever realized. I would write about my kids and all of their great qualities and find a new love and respect for how they make me want to be a better person. In sharing my family's everday life, I began to find that I was missing out on so much of the joy that comes from not only being a mom, but being a wife, a sister, a daughter, a person! Why was I missing out? Because I was so busy worrying about not living up to the expectations I had set for myself that I was miserable and...NOT living up to the expectations I had set for myself! Consequently, I was constantly mad at my husband and kids for not being better family members. I was mad at my mom and dad for not doing a better job in raising me. I was mad at life. I was mad. All of the time. And depressed.

So I wrote. And the writing brought some joy. And with the joy came awareness. And with awareness came openess. Next came honesty, then acceptance. Now I have hope. Hope that I will be able to let go of everything in my past that has caused me such deep pain and kept me from living a full and happy life. Hope that the multi-generational dysfunction that has held my family hostage is finally going to be cast aside. Hope that I can use the inspiration I have gained through writing to be the mom, the wife, the friend, the daughter, the sister that is needed.

So how has this impacted others? I think it has opened up a whole new level of communication among my family. We talk now. We didn't grow up talking about much at all. We just fought. We say I love you to each other now. Another thing we never did. After 35 years I was finally able to tell my mom I had been sexually abused without worrying about her reaction. And she was able to offer a heartfelt response. So we talk. Sometimes we cry, but we talk. And talking has been good for my family.

I think my blog writing has made me try harder to not take my boys for granted. It's made me realize that my time with them is short and that I need to be engaged with them everyday! That one realization changed how we interact. We are more patient with one another. My boys are starting to feel more secure about sharing their feelings with me. We play! We talk. We laugh! We sing (not very well, but we sing). We still have our bad days, but not as many as we used to have. I hope that my growing up emotionally has impacted them in such a way that they will be able to have much more loving, functional relationships with the people around them. I hope they will feel prepared and ready to go out and make their way in the world, without crippling emotional issues, because their mom took the time to pull her head out and start living without baggage. Have I had that kind of positive impact on them? Only time will tell.

I think I have impacted my marriage and my husband through my writing. How? Because when I write about him, I think about him. I analyze what is right and what is working and what is wrong and not working. There is a lot that isn't working right now. For awhile it really got me down. Then I realized I have some culpability here and that if I wanted to see change, I would need to bring change to the table myself. So I'm working on that. And in making changes in my own life, I can see my husband trying to step up and make changes too. It's painfully slow and I tend to think that I make way more effort that he does. But it's not a contest, right? No winners, but there could be some losers if we don't figure it out. How have my actions impacted him? Not very well sometimes. How has my writing impacted him? I have loved him more often, forgiven him more often, supported him more often. And now I am feeling more able to help him let go of his past so he too can move on. Everybody needs a support system, yes? And if he can move on and I can continue to move on, then my family wins and we can share our success with others who struggle.

So who have I impacted the most through my efforts? Well, I certainly haven't changed THE world, but I am changing MY world, which is changing my family's world, which is breaking a cycle of multi-generational dysfunction and that will have a very positive affect on my grandchildren. Maybe they will actually have a shot in hell of having a great, guilt-free, positive, happy life. And I hope that my efforts to change our family dynamic will create an environement that allows them to go out and give all they have to make the world a better place.

As to what impact those computers will have? I am going back to school to take some graphics classes to reinvigorate my latent graphics and writing career, which has been in storage for 15 years. Starting a blog inspired me to get off my butt and start using the talent God gave me to benefit myself, my family, my friends. I donate my lame graphics and writing talents whenever friends and family call...because I know that a little flyer will make a big difference for someone's fund-raiser. It would be nice to have the new hardware to go along with the newly honed skills and latest software.

Another area of impact the HP hardware will have? Writing a blog inpsired communication, which has forced us to sit down and talk about our future. We didn't like what we saw! So we are making plans for a better life. My 42 year old husband, who has no degree and can no longer do the physical labor he has always done is working on going back to school to get a degree in Water Treatment. He's not good with school. Most of his courses are online. It would be nice for him to be able to take the classes with a new computer so we don't have to fight our 10 year old ancient Dell that functions at the speed of nothing. It will be a great experience to see him succeed with school. I hope that by going back to the university, my boys will see that their parents value education and will be inspired to work hard and be successful in their educational careers.

The other computers? We would donate them to the boys' school or to the Phoenix Children's Hospital for the kids and their families to communicate with others outside of the hospital. Or maybe to a retirement home so the seniors can email their families and have some communications with loved ones who live far away. Maybe they can tell their adult kids how much they love them and help heal old wounds and diminish dysfunction so other families can come together like ours has started to come together. There's nothing more magical than that. (cue music - "All you need is Love, All you need is love.")