My Life Feels Like the Great Llama Escape

I watched this video today and laughed so hard I hurt myself!  The entire time I was watching, I was armchair quarterbacking and telling the people in the video who could not hear me how to catch the llamas. Honestly, it looked like a Keystone Cop movie for a while there! Having been raised with and among cowboys much of my life, I kept wondering where the ropers were!?!  It's Arizona, right?  No shortage of ranch hands and cattlemen and horse trainers there, so surely someone in the area had a rope and could use it!

(video courtesy Fox News 10)

Then, like magic, right at the end of the video the cowboy comes to the rescue!  He didn't ride up on a horse with a big ten gallon hat.  He actually arrived in the back of a work truck wearing a ball cap and a tee shirt. But you could tell by the way he swung his lariat that this wasn't his first rodeo. Just a few turns of the wrist, a quick flick of the rope and the loop landed right over the top of the llama's head.  Cue fist pumps from his buddies (and probably half of the citizenry of the Valley of the Sun) as Dude leaps out of the bed of the truck to hold the rope so the llama doesn't run off.  It was a triumphant, albeit humorous live TV moment that made me and the boys giggle and cheer!

After the boys went to bed tonight, I started to think about the chaotic, traffic stopping scene that had unfolded when the llamas escaped.  I feel like one of those llamas right now - actually, ever since we lost our home in Phoenix and ran helter skelter to a new home in Idaho. I thought it would be a good move for us. I pondered and prayed about the move for 6 months before we left and felt in my gut that this is where we needed to be.  So we took off down the highway like the streaking llamas and landed here in Boise. That was almost 4 years ago.  And I don't feel like we've actually ever settled down to live here since we arrived!

Instead, I feel like I'm the crazy llama in traffic, running full speed while dodging cars, spin moving past people who want to get to know me, and wildly darting from one street to the next, all while looking for a place to rest for a few minutes until I can figure out how to get home. Or at least get to a nice patch of grass where I can relax for a bit.

I don't want to be trapped by someone or something I don't know, but I don't want to run around in traffic any more either. This lost llama needs to find her her family's place in the world.  Running through the streets without a plan isn't fun and it isn't getting my family anywhere! And while it may look like an adventure for some, right now it feels like a freaking circus to me!  I need a good roper to ride up (or drive, or fly, or even appear out of thin air...I really don't care how they arrive or if they are human or angel or an inanimate object!)  and toss the lasso of stability and calm around my big, fat, mama llama waist so I can stand still long enough to figure out where home is and what the hell I'm supposed to be doing right now!  The grandiose escape isn't fun anymore!

I hope the llamas go home and laugh about their "Big Day in Town!"  I hope when they get back to their green field that they recognize the blessing of having a nice home where they can chill and eat grass and hang out with their llama buddies.  Because as this Mama Llama is finding out, while adventure and escape adds variety to life, there's a lot to be said for a tranquil life of peace and stability.
  

Livin' on Boise Time

Things are a little slower paced here in Idaho, which is what I thought I wanted.  Until I tried to get my high speed internet connection set up.  When they told me the earliest day they had was August 30th I started hyperventilating.   The CSR had no sympathy and thanked me for my patience, then hung up.

So this is what I'm reduced to...writing my blogpost from my cellphone because Qwest (now Centurylink) is so busy getting BSU students set up with high speed that I have to wait 10 days for them to get to me! I think there might be a clue in Qwest's new moniker (Centurylink) as to the length of time you might have to wait for service.

ANYWAY...I have so much to write about my recent relocation adventure, but my giant ham thumbs make writing a lengthy blogpost on a tiny cellphone keyboard a very exasperating experience. Not to worry though, I remember every single detail and will make sure to include each and every thought and feeling about my move to Idaho so you don't feel like you missed out. Because I know all of my readers are waiting with bated breath to hear about the journey. I SAID, I know you are all extremely excited to hear about my trip, right? **Crickets**

Gifts of Nature

The entire 4 years that I have lived in my house at the edge of the desert, I have watched all my neighbors' agave plants bloom and grow and put forth that giant stem thingy that shoots out of the middle of the plant right towards heaven.  Mine just kind of sat there not doing much.  I worked hard to care for my agave, pulling the weeds that kept trying to choke it out, making sure it got some water now and then, threatening the neighborhood boys with hours of chores if they didn't quit running over it with their bikes.  And still nothing.  I finally gave up believing that my agave would ever flower like everybody else's. 

A few weeks ago, as we started packing to move, the agave plant must have sensed that change is on the horizon.  Imagine my delight when I walked out one day to find this:

This thing appeared overnight!!  Out of nowhere!  And it grows like an inch a week, I swear!   I don't think I'll be here long enough to see it actually flower on top, but that's okay.  I'm good with the efforts my little plant put forth. 

Thank you, Little Agave Plant, for the wonderful going away present. 

Transitions - Part 1

Along with other life transitions, I am working on a new look for the blog.  It might get kind of crazy around here 'til I figure out which direction I want to take it, so try to hang on while I get it figured out! 

As far as life outside of my blog?

It seems like my life has been in transition for a long, long time now.  I keep trying to evolve to fit my current set of circumstances, but none of the changes I make seem to take hold on a permanent basis.  As I write this, I realize that just being human makes life transitory by nature.  We are always learning and growing and adapting.  But right now?  I'd like to just chill until I can see a clear path. 

This really all relates to stability.  Emotional stability, financial stability, domestic stability...it seems like when I get one of those elements lined out, another one spins out of control.  Some of my instability is due to choices I have made in my life, and some of it has had to do with circumstances and choices that others made on my behalf.  I get that I can't go back and change that.  Finally, I get that.  At this moment I want to create a more stable life going forward, not just for me, but for my kids!  Stability is all I want right now.

So...here I sit, on the precipice of several HUGE life choices.  All of them will directly affect my life and the lives of my children, especially when it comes to our ability to feel safe and comfortable.  For me, it's really hard when financial instability becomes the driving force behind our decision making process because then the process feels frenzied and chaotic and desperate.  It's hard to stay calm when you're backed up against the wall.  Having said that, had we had a Plan B on file in the first place, we probably would have made better choices at the beginning of this trial and could have avoided some of the last minute misery and debate we are dealing with now.  Hindsight, right? 

Now we are facing the inevitable...Do we move to another state and try to start over in a new environment or do we stay put and try to slug it out in a place where both of us have spent what seems like an eternity trying to carve out a niche for ourselves?  My vote?  Stay here.  Which is weird, because we've always talked about the day we can finally move out of Arizona!  But now that I face that possibility, I'm not ready to go.  I'm still trying to decide if my lack of enthusiasm has more to do with the location my husband is leaning toward or having to pack the house up all over again.  Either way, I'm not ready to deal with this change.  I know the demons I face here!  I know the economy (or lack therof), the streets, the politics, the weather, the people...all of the things which I gripe about on a daily basis!   Isn't it ironic how familiarity can sometimes ease the lack of stability of our lives, but that same familiarity also leads us to feel contempt and boredom for our same old surroundings?  We are weird, complex creatures sometimes, that is certain.

All of this comes down to what?  Me being too afraid and tired to try something new.  Before I had kids I probably would have jumped at the chance to see another part of the country.  Now I just want to get where we need to be and stay there.  I want to put down roots and become part of the community and live my life there and know that at last, I am home and I never have to leave.  If I thought for one second that the place my husband wants to move was that place?  I'd be all over it.  But I don't feel that way about his choice.  In fact I work hard everyday to try to imagine life there and I can't. 

So why is it even a consideration?  If I'm not gonna be happy there, why would we even consider it?  Because Big Man has a brother there whom he adores and who brings out all the good and wonderful qualities in the man I married.  Their love for each other is deep and strong and without judgement.  My husband doesn't have kind of relationship with most of his other siblings.  Big Man feels like maybe with his brother's help and support, he can get back on his feet and create a new career path.   More importantly, he feels like he will finally be away from the many people he has grown up with here who seem to always see him as a failure.  His road here has been a tough one, not filled with very many positive experiences.  

So maybe a change is warranted.  Sometimes all one needs to shake old habits and demons is a change of scenery.  Some place to start over again, with a new outlook and new perspective.  Some place where you get to be who you really are, where no one has preconcieved ideas about you based on who you used to be. 

I just wish that place wasn't Florida.