I Hope He Meets John Wayne

I went to Arizona over Thanksgiving to see my step-dad.  If you read my last post, you know he had bone cancer.  Yeah.  I said had.  He passed away the morning after I arrived in Arizona.  Unfortunately, I did not get to say goodbye, because I had stopped overnight in Phoenix and had not yet made the 3 hour trip to the mountain top where he and mom lived. 

When I received the call I was both grateful and devastated.  He was in so much pain, the life he was living as a cancer victim was horrible and hard and humiliating to him.  How could I not want him to be free from that situation?  At the same time, I was sad.  I didn't get to tell him how much I appreciated him.  Or how much I loved his ridiculously funny stories.  Or how grateful I was that he gave us a safe place to live and gave me employment when I needed it.  Or how his love of all things John Wayne has become my love of all things John Wayne.  There are all these unsaid things just hanging out there.  I hate leaving things unsaid.  

My step-father was a lover of really cool muscle cars.  I wish I would have shown more of an interest for them when he was collecting them and fixing them up.  At different times in his life he bought and restored a GTO, an old Chevy something that looked kind of like the original Batmobile that he called the Ghetto Sled (because of where he bought it), an old Buick Riviera with that weird back window, and several others that I don't recall the makes and models.  But they were all cool.  But part of the reason that they were cool was because he was cool.  He didn't have to try to be cool, he just was. Kind of like the cowboy version of The Fonz.

He was one of those guys that knew what the trends would be 6 months before anyone else did.  He came home with black Reeboks one day and we all laughed about how weird they were.  Six months later EVERYONE was wearing them!  

John was one of the original "preppers" and a MacGyver kind of guy that would make MacGyver jealous! He could figure out how to make just about anything out of stuff he found laying around.  

He loved food and music and guns, all equally.  He got me hooked on these:

And he taught me how to use these:

And he made me download hundreds of these to his Ipod:

 He was a master story teller who had many, many stories to tell about traveling with his dad, who rode and trained race horses.  He talked about the things he would do as an 8 year old kid wandering around the fair while his dad was busy. Watching the monkeys dressed like jockeys riding greyhounds was high on his list of favorites.  He talked about how his mom would take him to church and give him money for the bus ride home and he would wait for her to drive off, then go to the ice cream shop and buy a cone with the bus money and walk home.  His mom could never figure out why his suit was so dusty all of the time. His stories about fighting and drag racing and his overnight stint in jail when his dad got mad enough not to bail him out were hilarious and filled with real life details that no one could make up.  I'm sad that we didn't take the time to record him telling those stories. 

John had a wickedly, sarcastic sense of humor.  He was the kind of person who could totally slam you and it was so funny and accurate that event though the joke was on you?  You had to laugh!  When he was in a good mood, there was not a funnier, more fun guy to be around. His grin and his laugh were so indicative of who he really was when he was happy.  His laugh was not a laugh that fit a man of his character, reputation or build.  He was a big, tough guy.  His laugh was not at all tough.  When he really got going, his laugh got very high pitched and when you heard him laugh that hard, you had to laugh too!

He had nicknames for everyone.  Hammerhead, Numbnuts and Honyock were among his favorites.  My boys were never Tanner and Eli when they were with him.  The were Big One and Little One.  My sister was Bird when she was a kid, because she was all knees and elbows.  He called me Thumper for a while when I wore my Nike Canvas or Converse sneakers because he said my big feet looked like rabbit feet. They did look like rabbit feet when I wore the shoes with what is now called skinny jeans.  

John loved Old Westerns and John Wayne and Gene Autry.  He would watch reruns of Gunsmoke and Bonanza for hours.  I'm pretty sure he has watched every single John Wayne movie ever made.  Watch the movie "The Cowboys" sometime.  John Wayne in that movie?  That was my step-dad. His humor, his tough exterior, his truly soft heart, his work ethic, his intolerance of bullies...all my step-dad.  

There were downsides to living with John, to be sure.  He hated holidays.  He would get grumpy and hide in his room all day.  We kind of laughed this year during Thanksgiving dinner that his grumpiness had become part of the tradition.  Because of his upbringing, he didn't let a lot of people get close to him.  Not even us.  He put up a lot of walls and it's too bad that he waited so long to let the the walls start to come down.  He missed out on a lot of great relationships with his family and friends.  And we missed out too.

Last visit with Grandpa John in June 2013

I'm sad cancer took him just when he was figuring out that family was important and that he needed to spend more time getting to know his grand kids. He had a lot of hard-earned advice and wisdom to share with them.  He had so many stories to make them giggle and laugh.  He had so many skills that he could have passed on to them.  And they would have loved almost every minute of their time with him. 

There is so much more I could write, but it wouldn't sum up who he was.  And nothing I could write right now could ever convey my appreciation for him, as a step-father or as a person.  So I will just finish by saying this:  John, thanks for giving me a safe place to live, for teaching me how to change a tire and defend myself and for hiring me back every time you fired me for speaking my mind.  I hope where you are now that you get to meet and talk with John Wayne.  I bet you'll be good friends.

And this, which only a few of you will get:  That whole thing about you going to hell with a bad back?  We win.

My Achy Breaky Heart

I have a billion and one things to do today.  I have a review to write about chocolate.  I know.  I am so lucky to get to taste chocolate and then write what I think about it... and get paid to do it!  But there are no words in my brain about chocolate right now.  I need to write a post to promote our Holiday Craft Expo coming up in two weeks.  And promote it on Facebook and Twitter and every other social media platform that I can think of.  But I have no words for that either.  My heart is full.  Achy breaky full.  So much sadness seeping out of it that I cannot stop the flow.  And my brain is paralyzed.  Having to arrange words into anything that makes sense right now seems so impossible.  But I need to write.  It's the only way to wash away my hurt.

 

Someone will probably think this post is selfish.  That's okay...it is. I am acutely aware that I am not the only one hurting tonight.  My entire family hurts.  My mother hurts as she cares for her husband in what has become the most unimaginable circumstance.  He lays in his bed, dying of cancer.  My step-dad hurts.  He's the one who is dying.  To say I can't fathom what he must be feeling and thinking is an understatement..  A month or two ago he was diagnosed with bone cancer and told he had about 6 months to live.  It was shocking and sad and we were not prepared for the news.  I guess no one is ever prepared for that kind of news. But we thought we had more time to say our goodbyes and get our relationship affairs in order with him.  To say the things we needed to say to a man who welcomed us into his home, even though we were not his children.  To hug this John Wayne-esque, giant of a man who was never big on showing emotion or public displays of affection.  All of the sudden, his health deteriorated and now we are, along with him, staring his death in the face.

I am not ready for this.  I am not ready to lose another person with whom I did not get the chance to develop the kind of deep, meaningful relationship I wanted to have.  I am not ready for my boys to lose the only grandfather they have had who was willing to spend time with them, JUST when he decided to quit being a hermit and start paying attention to them!  They were just starting to get to know him!  They were just starting to hear his hilarious stories and see his face light up when he talked about all of his life adventures.  They were just starting to earn nicknames from him, because he rarely calls anyone by their real name...he has a nickname for everyone. 

My grief over his passing is way more profound than I feel like I can handle.  And I have had to stop and figure out why his passing is affecting me to the point that I want to shut down.  I can't shut down.  People are counting on me to take care of them and help them.  My mom doesn't have the luxury of just shutting down and she truly needs and deserves to shutdown over this.  Why am I not able to be stronger this time around?  It's not like my step-dad and I are super close.  I love him very much, but we haven't had a typical father-daughter relationship (more on that later).  So why do I feel like I am losing more than I can stand to lose?  That sounds bad.  Like I'm saying I shouldn't be AS SAD that he is passing away because he isn't my real dad and we weren't as close as we could have been.  That's not what I mean by saying I shouldn't be so very, very depressed about this. I'm saying that the level of sadness and grief I feel is debilitating and it feels like there is more to it than my step dad's untimely and pending death.

I have to believe that this is less about his rapidly approaching crossover to heaven, which is truly a blessing given the extreme amount of pain he is enduring, and more about my feeling that one more time I am being left alone to deal with life.  I feel like my whole life has revolved around people leaving me.  I won't go into details. But it's happened a lot. And the hurt has caused has started to become unbearable.  I thought my real dad dying tragically and unexpectedly was pretty painful to sort through.  But now I am losing my other dad - the only one I have left and have struggled to develop a relationship with - and it almost feels worse than the first loss.  

Clearly I need to get over my own abandonment issues and focus on the good times that I had with my step-father.  I have some good memories of him.  He is a good man who had issues of his own due to his upbringing.  His walls were so high.  It took him until just recently to finally decide to let them down and start to let us in a little more and now he's leaving us. It doesn't feel fair.  I know...we all have our issues.  I just wish my family's issues would have been less detrimental to our having a rich and full "normal" life. The whole thing just really, really sucks and I'm not ready to say goodbye to one more person who means something to me. Oh my gosh, I can't tell you how NOT ready for this I am. 

And yes...I feel like a self-absorbed, whiny ass, drama queen for posting this.  Because my dad's cancer and death should not be all about me.  But the truth is, it is about me.  And about him.  And about my mom and my sister and my aunt and my sons and whoever else is affected by his disease.  Every single one of our lives is changing because my step-dad has cancer and is dying. And it hurts.  So I sit and write to process and heal and then I have to choose whether or not to share what I feel with everyone else or hide it away somewhere.  Who will I hurt by posting this?  I don't know, but I'm pretty sure there will be someone. Who will feel like I am seeking out attention?  I don't know that either, but I know sometimes I have a problem with that.  Who will just read the post with an open heart and identify with it and walk away with a greater desire to spend more time with their kids and grand kids so they don't have to feel like they missed out on one of life's greatest joys?  I hope many.  

Will sharing this do any good?  I don't know.  I just know it helps me.  And I choose to think I am not the only one in the world who has these kinds of thoughts and struggles.  So I guess I hope that when I make my personal issues public, it helps someone, somewhere, deal with a difficult situation because they know they are not alone.  So for now, this post will go live.  Because it's what I need to do to cope and to find some peace in my out of control life.      

Disney on Ice presents Rockin’ Ever After in Boise - Giveaway

If your kids have never seen a Disney on Ice show, then it's definitely something to add to your "to do" list. And the good news is you won't have to wait very long to cross it off the bucket list.  Disney on Ice presents Rockin’ Ever After is making its way to Boise on October 17 – 20, 2013 at Taco Bell Arena!

The musical showcase, which features some of the hottest tunes and talent from across the Disney kingdom, will have you and your kids rocking out while a cast of world-class skaters bring favorite moments from Disney•Pixar’s BRAVE, Tangled, The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast to life!

• Jam to a Scottish jig as a group of royal contenders from the Academy Award-winning Disney•Pixar film, BRAVE, competes to win the heart of adventurous, sharp-shooting Merida, making her on-ice debut! 

• Experience a show-stopping performance as Sebastian breaks out of his shell for one night only to make waves with Ariel. 

• A chorus of harmless hooligans from Tangled unleashes musical mayhem when they get a visit from the sassy and spirited Rapunzel and her charming ally Flynn. 

• And, get your feet moving as the Beast and his castle’s enchanted entourage take center stage in a spectacular show for Belle. 

Sounds like a rockin' fun way to spend an evening together as a family!  Want the deets?  Here they are:

WHEN: October 17 – 20, 2013
Thursday, October 17th – 7:00 PM
Friday, October 18th – 7:00 PM
Saturday, October 19th – 10:30 AM & 2:00 PM
Sunday, October 20th – 1:00 PM & 5:00 PM


WHERE: Taco Bell Arena – 1910 University Drive, Boise, ID 83725


TICKETS: Ticket price levels are $20, $25, $45 (VIP) and $60 (Front Row)
Opening Night tickets discounted priced at only $12 (not valid on premium seating)
Tickets available for purchase online at TacoBellArena.com, charge by phone at 208-426-1766 or at the Taco Bell Arena Box Office.

And as a bonus, I Am Boymom readers can get a $5 Off discount by using the code: MOM.  (The discount applies to $20 & $25 sections only and there are no double discounts.  Valid on select performances - Friday 7 p.m.; Saturday 2 p.m. and Sunday 5 p.m.).

GIVEAWAY!!!  

Feld Entertainment is graciously giving one I Am Boymom reader the chance to win a Family 4 Pack to attend the Opening Night performance of Disney on Ice presents Rockin' Ever After!  Wanna win?  Just follow the steps on Rafflecopter below to enter!  Terms and conditions of giveaway listed on Rafflecopter. Good Luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Disclosure:  I am a Feld Family Ambassador, and in exchange for my time and efforts in attending shows and reporting my opinion within this blog, as well as keeping you advised of the latest discount offers, Feld Entertainment sometimes  provides me with complimentary tickets to Feld shows and opportunities to attend private Feld pre-Show events. Even though I receive these benefits, I always give an opinion that is 100% mine.

First School Dance and Funny Dance Moments in Movies

My son hit a major life crossroad this weekend.  He went to his first dance.  I had posted about it on Facebook, because I was a little worried about this pivotal teenage moment that he didn't seem to be taking very seriously.  Dude!  This is your first dance!  This will set the tone for all future dance experiences!  You need to be ready!  But he thought my concern was unfounded.  He refused to listen.  He actually told me I was making too big a deal of the whole thing.  Obviously he has no clue about the ramifications of a bad dance on his social life.  Whatevs, son.  He wouldn't practice his dance moves with me or dress up in something other than his "good shorts" and a clean t-shirt. Even his little brother told him he at least needed to wear a button up shirt.  See!?  Not just me!!  

Anyway...I drove him to the dance and I watched him get out of the car and walk toward the gym, knowing full well that I would get a call a few minutes later telling me to come get him because he was under dressed and didn't know how to dance.

But that didn't happen.  There was no worried call, there was no text saying "this dance sucks."  There was nothing.  And then 2 hours later, there was my son., getting in the car.

Me: "How was it?"
Son: "Fine."
Me: "Did you dance?"
Son: "Yeah, a few times."
Me: "Did you ask them or did they ask you?"
Son: "They asked me."
Me: "Slow or fast?"
Son: "One slow, one I don't know what it was. everybody just kind of danced together."
Me: "Cool.  Did you have a good time?"
Son: "Yeah."

That was it!  All that worry and stress and that was it! Shorts were fine, dance was fine, friends and girls he danced with?  All fine.  Ok, then.  Guess we're good to go on the dance thing.

To honor this rite of passage in my son's life, here are a few of my favorite funny dance scenes:
 

In Remembrance on 9-11

May we never forget the Fallen and the Heroes of 9-11-01. 

Riding in Cars with Boys

I know.  I KNOW!  It's been forever since I wrote a post that wasn't a product review.  But I'm gonna make it up to y'all and get back on the family life blogging horse.  I'll explain later why I haven't been big on writing about everyday stuff.  It's a lnog story and maybe not as fun as the one I'm gonna tell you about now.  So we'll save that one for another day.  In the meantime, just know I am recommitting myself to making I Am Boymom a more upbeat place to hang out.  So on that note...

I did something this summer that taught me a lot about teenage boys.  I took a road trip with my two sons and my nephew.  It was...interesting.  And stinky.  And LOOOOOOONG.

We traveled over 2500 miles in 10 days in a rented Chevy Impala. Which by the way, was an amazing car! Like I would totally take one and drive it everywhere while loudly and proudly singing its praises if Chevy were to see this post and ask me to be their brand ambassador.  Yeah...it's that awesome.  We were 350 miles into the trip before one of the boys pointed out that we had a sun roof (how did we not see that earlier!?).  Then he asked if he could stand up with his head sticking out of it while we were going 85 mph through Nevada.  If I am honest, I actually had to think about it a minute before I said no.  The possibility of having a giant bug splat across my kid's forehead and seeing his subsequent reaction was really, really hard to pass up, but in the end, my mommy sense took over and my child remained belted into his seat.  I have to admit though, we were all momentarily disappointed.

Chevy Stock Photo - forgot to take pics of my rented Impala!

So here's the trip in a nutshell: 

We bought fireworks.  The boys farted.  We got pulled over for speeding.  The boys farted.  We sang Thrift Shop, Can't Hold Us, Radioactive, Cruise, Brave, Locked Out of Heaven, We Own the Night. Love Somebody and lots of other current hits.  And the boys farted.  I went old school and sang ABBA, B52's, Aretha Franklin and ZZ Top.  The boys freaked out and begged me to switch back to their new music.  Then they farted.  We drove, we stopped for gas and food, we took road trip pictures, we hunted for garnets and we talked more than any of us have talked since they were all born.  We talked about Idaho, we talked about Arizona.  The boys talked about all the things they wanted to say, but didn't, to the cop when he gave me the speeding ticket.  We talked about school, we talked about politics, we talked about the civil war and we talked about...farts.  We laughed at a thousand different comedians (praise be to Sirius XM Radio for providing me with some fantastic entertainment options!  Best car radio experience EVER!) while the boys memorized every single G-rated stand-up routine I let them listen to, then repeated them over and over and over again.  We visited friends and went swimming, we visited grandparents and did some target practice and celebrated birthdays and lost new shoes.  And then?  They farted.  OH. MY. HECK. How they farted!  And just when I thought their tanks were on empty and I might have a reprieve from the poot wars?  The shoes started to come off.  FREAK how do feet get that stinky!?  Had we not had the sun roof to keep the air circulation at maximum capacity?  I might have died, people.  Okay.  Maybe not died, but I could have passed out.  Okay, fine.  Maybe not passed out, but I might have gagged once or twice.  And who wants to gag while they are driving?  I mean seriously, how is that even fun?

Looking for Garnets in Ely, Nevada

Stretching the legs in AZ 

Hangin' out with Grandpa John

So am I exaggerating about the smell and the volume of odor that was emitted from three teenage boys?  Maybe just a tiny bit about the volume.  But the smell?  Nope.  No way.  Nuh-uh.  Not even.  It was foul, my friends.  I'm sorry, Budget car guy, if the cloth seats absorbed that stench.  I hope you weren't hit in the face by a wall of stink when you opened the door to start cleaning after the Impala sat in the sun for a few hours.  

Despite all the miles, the flatulence and the toe cheese, we had a great trip.  I got to know my boys and my nephew on a whole different level.  I got to hear them sing at the top of their lungs and laugh hysterically at ridiculous things. I watched them bond over shared interests and ideas.  I listened to their plans for the future as they talked to each other about school and sports and Scout Camp.  And I finally started to see them, all of them, as capable people who have aspirations and hopes and dreams of their own instead of little boys who need to be watched over and cared for every single minute of the day.  It was a pretty revealing look at who my sons and my nephew have become over the last 11-14 years.  And can I just say how happy I am with what I saw? I have been blessed with such good boys.  And it only took me 2500 miles and some singed nose hairs to remember that.

Zact Mobile Lets Parents Set the Rules on Smartphone Usage

Disclosure:  I participated in a campaign for Mom Central Consulting on behalf of Zact. I received a promotional item as a thank you for participating.

I recently had a discussion with my neighbor about kids and smartphones.  She has three teenagers who all have smartphones.  I haven't pulled the trigger on the smartphone thing yet, but both my kids have basic cellphones.  

One of the reasons I hesitate to jump into the smartphone arena with my kids is that I am concerned about how much time my boys will spend on the devices and what they will be looking at.  Turns out there are lots of parents with the same concerns that I have.  The team at Zact, a family friendly mobile provider, conducted a survey and found that 73% of U.S. parents are concerned about the lack of parental control of a child’s activities on mobile devices.

 

 So what are your biggest concerns when it comes to kids and smartphones? I'm not afraid to talk to my kids about the concerns I have when it comes to their safety and the expectations I have for them to make good choices when I'm not around.  But I would love to know how others have approached the smartphone subject so that when it's time for me to have that talk, I'll be prepared!  How do you talk to your kids about smartphone safety and responsibility?   

 For more information on how Zact can help keep your kids safe and save your family money on your cellphone plan, click here.