Monday, June 22, 2009

I'm Back

It's amazing what a couple of days away from the computer can do to improve a person's psyche! I'm ready to start blogging again, but I have come to the conclusion that I need to make some changes to the blog. Which I already knew, I guess, because I have been talking about it for awhile now.

When I started the blog, I started it as a way to chronical my family's life and as a place where I could write. Because I love to write. Somewhere I kind of got lost. I was asked to review a few things, then a few more things and pretty soon I felt like my blog was becoming a review blog and not a ME blog! So...because I love doing both, I will continue to do both, but I will keep them very separate. From now on, I will only do reviews and giveaways on my review page. So if you wanna win stuff, you HAVE to visit the review page. I will have a little spot in one of the columns listing the giveaways to remind you to stop by the review page and enter the contests. How's that sound?

I haven't posted in a while about life in general because life in general has been throwing me lots of curves lately. Some good, some not so good. And I turned 45 last week. I am on my way to being middle aged. This is a weird place to be. I thought I would be farther along in my accomplishments by now. I don't feel like I have been very successful in a lot of areas. And I'm starting to get wrinkles. Along with the fact that I am still really overweight and struggling to get in shape, which I have struggled with since I was like 10 years old. So turning 45 was kind of hard. I'm not where I want to be in my life. Physically, mentally or temporally.

But some good things have come from my thinking about my age. I realized that I am not yet too old to change some of my issues. I still have time to lose weight and get healthy. I can still accomplish some of my goals, if I'll actually get my butt in gear and quit moping around the house. The wrinkle issue is a bit harder, but cosmetics have come a long, long way and there is LOTS of wrinkle filling collagen stuff out there that I can use to feel a bit younger. Or I can stay fat, that's been a pretty good wrinkle filler so far!

Really, the best thing that has come out of my turning 45 is that the big event really pushed me to sit down and think about what I want the next phase of my life to be like. Taking inventory isn't always fun and I can tell you my inventory came with a lot of personal revelations about my weaknesses and issues, but it helped me recognize where I tend to get stuck. I came out of the last few weeks with a renewed sense of purpose. I feel more comfortable in my own skin...except for the flabby, saggy skin that is appearing from my attempts to lose weight. I am SOOOO not comfortable with that skin.

But I am comfortable with a lot more of myself than I used to be. I am comfortable with the fact that I still have a lot of living to do. I am comfortable with the fact that I don't have to let the past define who I am. I am comfortable with the fact that who I am may change a little once in awhile as I grow and progress and become a wiser individual. I am amazingly comfortable with my belief system and my morals and values. I know who I am in those areas. I don't have to stop and think anymore about those things.

And I know now that I can be happy if I choose to be. I am comfortable knowing that I can leave my unhappiness behind now. It has served whatever purpose it was here to serve and I am free to let it go and move on with my life. I am comfortable seeking joy. I'm not sure how good I'll be at seeking joy and leaving unhappiness behind, but I'm gonna give it a try.

Hope you'll stick around while I work out the details. You guys give me strength to get through it all.


Carissa said...

I am so happy to read this post. One, I have missed them, and two, your growth gives me hope for my own. Change, although often extremely difficult for me, is one of my very favorite things. I am very excited for you!

In case you haven't found a good book to read, (although I think both of our reading lists is quite long), your post reminded me of one of my favorites. Its called Hinds Feet in High Places. Both my mom and I love it, but she claims you have to be in the "right place" to read it and have it sink in. Its totally worth a try though, and if now doesn't work, set it on the shelf for later :)

Miss Hope said...

Enjoyed this post. I know how you feel and am working on my own self over here on the East Coast. We're gonna muddle through just fine and be the better for it!

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