Monday, April 21, 2014

Boymom Parenting Confession: I'm Not Ready for Teenagers

I have major writer's block.  I have had if for like 3 years now.  I keep trying to compose witty or compelling blog content, but nothing coming from my keyboard seems very readable these days. Okay, the truth is, there are lots of things I want to say, but I am kind of self-censoring because I want to make sure I say what I have to say the right way.  It's pretty raw right now.  So I will wait until I can share it in an impactful way.

Until then, I will proudly post this photo of my growing boys and share the fact that along with the brain fog that keeps me from being able to create a decent blog post?  I am also kind of having parental paralysis.  I have a teenager and a pre-teen, y'all!  Parenting at this stage is so different than it was when they were little!  I think I was a much better little kid mom than I am a teenager mom.  I am having a hard time engaging with them as they get older and that worries me.  I know these are critical years and I know how important positive parental interaction is for teenagers.  Being a teenager is tough!  And I don't want to be the person making it harder for them than it needs to be.  

I am so lucky that I have good boys.  But I know how quickly things can change.  One wrong choice, whether it be choosing the wrong friend or experimenting with drugs, can have such a negative impact on a kid's life.  So I need to step up and make sure that I am as equipped as I can possibly be to deal with life as a mom of teenagers.  I hear many of you laughing right now.  Not giggling...loud guffaws and head shaking coming from the internets.  And I know why. Because I think the answer to that is that there is no way to be fully prepared and equipped for what's coming. Because it's different for everyone and it changes daily.  And I must be insane if I think I can adequately prepare for what's coming.  Am I right?  I'm pretty sure I am right.  And to your laughing?  I respond with this:  "I know. Shut up."
So this is a shout for help to all my mom friends who have teenagers.  How do you make the transition from being a kid parent to a teenager parent?  How have you improved your relationship with your teenage boys?  How do you engage with them in positive ways when their hormones are raging and yours are changing and you both want to scream at the top of your lungs and cry instead of having a calm conversation? What if you have nothing in common with your son anymore?  What tips do you have for a struggling Boymom of teens to help her create a loving, safe environment for her sons?

I'm reachin' out, Boymoms!  Don't leave me hangin.'  Drop some knowledge on me.  I am open and willing to listen. But you should hurry, because the hormones are all over the place and my window of openness might shut without warning tomorrow!  


Cynthia said...

Parenting teens (girls OR boys) is tricky! I think I felt like a better "little kid mom" too. I knew how to make playdough and costumes and do puzzles. I found out that you can still be the same mom -- board games, sitting in the bleachers at their sports/music whatever events they get involved in, find some new activities that you might both enjoy - fishing, camping, daytrips, It's fun to discover how smart, funny and amazing teenagers are. I'm surprised how much I am enjoying my adult and young adult kids now (and being a parent of adults has it's own weirdly hard challenges too!). Take a deep breath and hold on for a bumpy, but amazing, ride.

I Am Boymom said...

Thanks for the input, Cindy! I think the key issue that everyone is telling me is that I have to realize that they are no longer little kids and start viewing them through different eyes. It's good for me to be reminded from those of you who have been through it that everyone survives these years, parents and kids alike!

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