When One Door Closes...You Go Home and Cry and Then Watch Friends for 2 Days While You Reevaluate Your Life Choices

Do you remember that time when you thought your life was really starting to take a turn for the positive and then the world slammed that door shut right in your face? Yeah, me too.  Sigh.  Good times.  Gooood times.

Except you know what? I'm weirdly okay.  I mean, yeah, I did have a big cry session and got really depressed for few days. But overall, after the initial shock, I don't feel as horrible as I thought I would that I was laid off after 5 months. It's a start up company.  There are growing pains. Like budget cuts. And I was a casualty.  But I put everything I had into being successful there and I made really good friends. So, I really don't have anything to feel bad about with regard to my performance there, other than I should have stepped out of my comfort zone a little quicker to learn the job functions of other areas in the company so that I had more value. But honestly, as jobs go, I worked my butt off at this one. And it just didn't pay off this time.  What can you do?

But I wasn't prepared for the end, so I have found myself struggling to regroup in terms of next steps. Mostly because I'm not in the mood to go back to the traditional working mom role again. The one where I leave for 12 hours a day and give someone else everything I have to give so the company can make a lot of money and then come home exhausted, with nothing left to give to my family.  I don't like that kind of existence. I don't mind working.  I love using my time and talents to help a company grow! I'm just really ready to do something that's fulfilling with a company that really, truly recognizes that I can't leave every ounce of my being on the work table, because I have to have some left for my family. 

So, while I have spent the last month and a half looking for a job that's a really great fit, I am also trying really, really hard to enjoy the time I have to think about what will make me whole and happy.  I've also tried really hard to enjoy my boys and savor every unhurried moment I have with them, because they will be gone in a few short years and I won't get this time back. I'm trying to make sure we talk about exploring their options after high school and spend lots of time talking with them about dreams and ambitions.  That way when life gets hard for them after they leave home, I can recall with them our little day trips and conversations and remind them that they have a plan. I can bring back the memories we are making right now to encourage them to stay focused on goals, so they CAN create the kind of life they want. The kind of life that makes them feel whole and happy and fulfilled. The kind of life I have struggled to create for myself for the last 50 years.

And as I write this, it occurs to me that I think I have actually found a job that is the perfect fit for me right now. I get to be a tuned-in, focused mom again. Sometimes the door closes and things come to an end for a reason. Until this very second, I didn't grasp the fact that I'm where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to be doing at this moment.

Also, I have more time to binge watch FRIENDS. Because honestly...how can this not make you feel better?

via GIPHY

I Am Boymom...and Mrs. Fix-It

Being a Boymom means learning how to fix things.  Lots of things.  Like broken toys, broken bed frames, broken bikes and sometimes even broken hearts.  I'm super happy that I have to fix broken "things" a lot more often than broken "feelings."  Broken feelings are much harder to fix.  You can't use super glue and duct tape and staple guns to fix broken feelings and broken people.  I'm pretty handy with super glue and duct tape and staple guns and small power tools.  I'm not always as knowledgeable about how to mend feelings. 

But back to my awesome and amazing skills as a repair woman of appliances and toys and electronics!  I'm not bragging.  Okay, kind of I am bragging, because I'm on a high after fixing the baffle on my dryer.  You know, one of those fin things that flip the clothes around while the barrel spins?  Yeah.  That. The thing that no one realizes can come loose until it actually does.  Well, mine did.  And I fixed it.  And okay, it wasn't super hard, but it felt really good to know that I could take my own dryer apart and put it back together and have it work!

After the dryer, I sat down and started thinking about all the things I have fixed or replaced with zero assistance.  Among the numerous items I have repaired are BB Guns, Nerf Guns, Hexbugs, Blow Dryers, Matchbox Cars, Sneakers, RC Cars, Radios, a 42" Flat Screen HDTV, 2 different washers, a dryer, 3 broken bed frames, a broken sofa, a Lazy Boy recliner, a broken cable on an electric car window,  a VW carburetor, a toilet, a garbage disposal, bike tires, broken bike chains, a water heater...so many things!

What is the point of all this?  I don't know. It just hit me that I have fixed a lot of things. And that maybe I should take the time to appreciate my ability to dive in and repair something that is not working. It's not a bad skill to have. It certainly comes in handy in a house full of boys. Maybe the Universe is trying to tell me that I need to open a repair shop.

MIsadventures of a Parenting Yogi - Book Review

I appreciate people who can talk honestly about life, especially when it comes to subjects like childbirth and parenting.  I also appreciate funny people.  I really adore people who can talk honestly about life and make me laugh while they do it, which is why I am happy to share a book I just read!  The book is titled Misadventures of a Parenting Yogi.  The title had me at “Misadventures”.  Any book with a title containing that word has got to be filled with some hilarious stuff, right?  Add to that the words parent and Yogi?  Yeah…I’m in.

Misadventures of a Parenting Yogi is all that it purports to be.  It is, just like I surmised, a candid and humorous look at parenting from the viewpoint of Brian Leaf, a yoga instructor (one of his many titles) from Massachusetts.   Brian has managed to create a memoir/parenting book combo that is neither preachy or self-indulgent.  The glimpses into his family life and his attempts at conscious parenting are both funny and poignant and although I did not agree with all of Brian's parenting choices, I could totally relate to his struggle to find his "happy spot" as a dad.  I love that rather than offering advice, he simply shares his experiences and the lessons he has learned while raising his own children.

Here is an excerpt from one of my favorite chapters: 

It’s 5:00 AM. I have to pee very badly. 

And I’d like to go meditate.

Someone else would simply get out of bed, pee, and blithely head off to their cushion.Not me.

To do this, I must pull off a CIA operation.

I must remove the covers, inch by inch — in the dead of night our comforter sounds like a crinkly bag of potato chips. I must crawl to the edge of the bed (our bed is pinned against the wall to make room for Benji’s changing table). I must step off, and in the pitch-black, follow the border of the bed frame.

I must round the corner of the bed, where someone who designed our bed has very cruelly placed a jutting protuberance at exactly shin height. At five in the morning I forget this every time. I must stifle my cries. Power through the pain. Eyes tearing, I round the corner and toe the balance-beam width between Benji’s changing table and our bed, ever careful, ninja-like, to step lightly.

I am almost out. But now I face my greatest challenge. The small distance between me and the door, maybe five feet, is a minefield of creaky floorboards. Gwen has them memorized. For some reason I do not. At first I pause to consider my options, and then I panic, sprinting the short distance to the door.

My feet land extra heavy, and the floorboards creak like mad...yet no one awakens. Hashtag grateful.On the way out, I shut the door in one motion, careful that it does not squeak, promising to myself that today is the day I will remember to oil the hinges.

Failure in this operation is not an option. Benji is not sleeping more than two hours at a stretch. Neither, therefore, is Gwen. She is grumpy. I must not wake her or Benji.

So totally relatable, right?  Every parent can picture themselves in this exact same predicament!  And here's one of the answers I liked best from his Q and A session:

Q and A with author Brian Leaf

The subtitle of your book is Cloth Diapers, Cosleeping, and My (Sometimes Successful) Quest for Conscious Parenting. What do you mean by Conscious Parenting?

Conscious Parenting is really no different from conscious anything else. It could be conscious Monopoly playing, conscious eating, conscious hiking, or conscious Texas Hold’em. It simply means being aware of whatever is happening – the challenges, the joys, the anxieties, as well as our reactions to all of this. When we are aware of something we are separate from it. So, instead of acting from frustration, elation, or fear, we act from our deeper selves. We see more clearly and are more free to behave as we choose.

And finally, a glimpse of the author in action:

YesWhat he said! You can find Brian's books on sale at both Amazon and on his website. Perfect Father's Day gift!!

Disclosure: I received a copy of Brian's book from publisher New World Library to help facilitate this review, but was not compensated in any way.  All opinions are my own!

Boymom Parenting Confession: I'm Not Ready for Teenagers

I have major writer's block.  I have had if for like 3 years now.  I keep trying to compose witty or compelling blog content, but nothing coming from my keyboard seems very readable these days. Okay, the truth is, there are lots of things I want to say, but I am kind of self-censoring because I want to make sure I say what I have to say the right way.  It's pretty raw right now.  So I will wait until I can share it in an impactful way.

  

Until then, I will proudly post this photo of my growing boys and share the fact that along with the brain fog that keeps me from being able to create a decent blog post?  I am also kind of having parental paralysis.  I have a teenager and a pre-teen, y'all!  Parenting at this stage is so different than it was when they were little!  I think I was a much better little kid mom than I am a teenager mom.  I am having a hard time engaging with them as they get older and that worries me.  I know these are critical years and I know how important positive parental interaction is for teenagers.  Being a teenager is tough!  And I don't want to be the person making it harder for them than it needs to be.  

I am so lucky that I have good boys.  But I know how quickly things can change.  One wrong choice, whether it be choosing the wrong friend or experimenting with drugs, can have such a negative impact on a kid's life.  So I need to step up and make sure that I am as equipped as I can possibly be to deal with life as a mom of teenagers.  I hear many of you laughing right now.  Not giggling...loud guffaws and head shaking coming from the internets.  And I know why. Because I think the answer to that is that there is no way to be fully prepared and equipped for what's coming. Because it's different for everyone and it changes daily.  And I must be insane if I think I can adequately prepare for what's coming.  Am I right?  I'm pretty sure I am right.  And to your laughing?  I respond with this:  "I know. Shut up."

 

So this is a shout for help to all my mom friends who have teenagers.  How do you make the transition from being a kid parent to a teenager parent?  How have you improved your relationship with your teenage boys?  How do you engage with them in positive ways when their hormones are raging and yours are changing and you both want to scream at the top of your lungs and cry instead of having a calm conversation? What if you have nothing in common with your son anymore?  What tips do you have for a struggling Boymom of teens to help her create a loving, safe environment for her sons?

I'm reachin' out, Boymoms!  Don't leave me hangin.'  Drop some knowledge on me.  I am open and willing to listen. But you should hurry, because the hormones are all over the place and my window of openness might shut without warning tomorrow!  

My Kid Entrepreneur

Little Man needs a new nickname.  Because he isn't so little anymore.  He's a pre-teen.  A very busy, driven pre-teen who is already thinking about college and careers and how to build a business empire that can support his future family and his mom and dad when we get old.  Yeah.  He talks about that kind of stuff.  And it makes me cry sometimes to think that this amazing kid is mine.

The crying isn't just because I am so touched by his generous and thoughtful spirit. It's because this kid, in his 12 years of living, has figured out important life lessons that his parents are just now getting at age almost 50! He thinks about his future!  He will sit and map out his time and create his own schedule so that he can feel functional and organized and ready for what lies ahead.

The sad thing is? He didn't learn this from me or from his dad.  We tend to be less strategic in our approach to life.  I kind of struggle with structure in our home life.  Business and work is all business and work and I can get things done on that front.  But something happens when I try to apply those same skills to our home life.  And I hate that I have a hard time transferring my work skill set to my family life sometimes.

But back to my son. The one who came to me with this innate, already developed ability to line himself out and get a direction without a lot of help...

He's started a t-shirt business to raise money for two upcoming camps that he wants to attend at the end of the school year.  One of the camps is Scout Camp, the other is a 3 day adventure/environmental field trip that the 6th grade at his school does every year.  He needs to earn $150 for each camp.  In the past he has sold, lemonade, raked leaves and mowed lawns when he needs extra money, but he decided he wants to "branch out".  His words, not mine.  (I know, right?  Who is this kid?!?)  So he came up with two different designs (more are on the way) for t-shirts and we are using TeeSpring to sell them.  His customers do not have to pay for a shirt until his sales goal is met.  You simply place your order and once the target number is hit, the shirts will print and ship.  If the goal is not met, your card will not be charged.

Here are his current designs.  Just click on the photo and you will be taken to the TeeSpring order page, where you can place your order to help Eli meet his goal!

So there it is...his first public campaign!  He has done all of it himself, except for the marketing and PR, which he has hired me to do.  And since I am good at this part (and I am his mother), I took the job.

Thanks for helping a kid who has his priorities straight get a leg up on his goals!  Your support means a lot to him.  And to his mother, who is so grateful to have a wonderful son to emulate and learn from.  I am absolutely certain that I learn more from my children than they will ever learn from me.  

Suburban Haiku: Boys to Men Review and Giveaway

Winner Update:  I decided to give BOTH of the contest entrants a copy of Peyton's Suburban Haiku: Boys to Men!  Congrats to Miss Jenno and NoraRuth!!  Thanks for sharing your boymom haikus with me and my readers and thanks to Peyton Price for inspiring me to live a more full life!



About a week and a half before Mother's Day, mother, haiku writer and humorist Peyton Price ran across my blog and asked if I would be interested in talking about her newest book, Suburban Haiku: Boys to Men.  After reading the title, it was completely obvious that both Peyton and the book are perfect compliments to the I Am Boymom blog, so how could I say no!?  Three haikus in I was hooked.

I'm not gonna give too much away about the book, other than to say it is an insightful, touching and truly hilarious view of raising boys from a mom's perspective, written in 3 line, 17 syllable haikus.  From the first haiku to the last, Peyton draws us in to her parenting world, using humor and the familiar 5-7-5 rhythm to chronicle the lives of her family.  The end result is a surprisingly funny and tender account of a mom watching her boys grow into men.

So two things happened to me after I read Suburban Haikus: Boys to Men.  First, I remembered what I already knew but tend to forget in the flurry of daily family life:   I'm not the only mom who doesn't have perfect kids.  Knowing that there are other moms out there struggling to teach their kids how to be happy, successful adults helps me not beat myself up on the days when pre-teen emotions and hormones are raging and I can't seem to get things under control.

The second thing that happened is that I recognized something has been missing in my life.  When I started this blog, it was because I needed a way to process my thoughts and feelings about being a mom to two boys who challenge me on a daily basis to be a better person. We have been in survival mode for so long now that I lost sight of my purpose for recording our journey.  I remembered, after reading Peyton's haikus, that I can create memories with my words and that by doing so, I can help my boys find meaning in their own lives when they read about themselves through their mother's eyes.  

I am in awe of women like Peyton Price, who find ways to use their talents to bring joy and happiness to their own lives while bettering the lives of their families.  Suburban Haiku: Boys to Men is a wonderful reminder that simple observations can become poignant memories that bind our children to us forever.

I so cannot wait to read some of Peyton's other haiku books!  Are you feeling the same way?  Wanna win a copy of Suburban Haiku: Boys to Men for yourself?  Peyton Price has generously offered to give an ebook version of the book to one of my readers!!  You can get either the Nook or Kindle version, all you have to do is share a quick parenting haiku in the comments.  I'll leave the first haiku comment to get you all started.  Easy peasy, right?  Then for extra entries you can do one of the following:

• Follow my blog if you are a new reader
• Like Suburban Haiku on Facebook
• Follow Suburban Haiku on Twitter
• Follow I Am Boymom on Twitter
• Check out Suburban Haiku website and tell me what other Peyton Price book you might like

The Deets:  Contest will end on May 31, 2012  @ 12 PM MST.  Winner will be chosen in random drawing or by Random.org the following week and winner will be notified by email.  Good luck and thanks for stopping by!  vvvvvv Now on to the haikus! vvvvvvv