Things I Heard While Waiting for my Kids at School

Conversation #1

Girl: Justin Bieber sucks. 

Girl's friend who apparently loves Justin Bieber: No, you suck.

Different kid:  Seriously?  Justin Bieber totally sucks!  He's lame! He looks like a girl!

Bieber Fan Girl (almost crying):  You guys are lame.  Justin Bieber is so awesome.

Random Mom standing next to me:  Justin Bieber does suck.  I hate that kid.

Me (Laughing):  Yep.  Glad I have boys so I don't have to listen to him. 

Random Mom:  Lucky. 

Conversation #2

Kid:  Dude!  Your legs are really hairy!

Other Kid:  Dude, I know!  It's weird.  They just started getting that way during the summer. 

Kid:  Dude!  You gotta shave that!  It's nasty!

Other Kid:  Dude!  Guys don't shave their legs, what's wrong witchu?  

Kid:  Dude...you look like a gorilla.  

Other Kid:  Man, shut up! You're just jealous that you ain't a man yet, like me.   

Kid:  Dude.  You're 12.  You ain't no man yet either.  

Other kid:  Whatever dude.

3rd Kid:  I'm the only man around here.  I got a 'stache.  Now what? 

Kid:  Dude...that's just some peach fuzz.  That ain't no mustache.

Me:  Dude.  Quit hatin'. He's 12 and he's already got dark, manly facial hair.  That's pretty impressive. 

Conversation #3

Girl, halfway to car:  Mom, I gotta go to the bathroom.

Mom:  Honey!  Why didn't go before we got to the car?  

Girl:  I didn't have to go then!

Mom:  You didn't have to go 2 minutes ago, but you have to go now?

Girl:  Yeah.  Bad.  I have to go bad.

Mom:  Fine.  Hurry up!  (Heads back to sidewalk then looks at me as daughter runs to the bathroom)  She does this every day!  You'd think I'd figure out to ask her before we head to the car!  

Me:  I know. Mine does the same thing.  See ya later!  (heads to car with my kids who just walked up)

My Son, halfway to car:  Mom, I gotta go pee.  

Me:  Seriously?  How come you didn't go before you met me at the gate?

My Son:  I forgot.  I gotta go, Mom.  Really Bad. 

Me:  Fine.  Hurry UP!!  (looks at 1st Mom as we walk back to the sidewalk)...so what were we talking about? 

Things I Heard This Week That I Wish I Hadn't

It's been a long week.  Here are some snippets of conversations in which I took part or overheard during the last few days that made me want to either punch someone in the face or just crawl back in bed:

• You have to come in 4 hours early all week for cross-training.
• Mrs. Boymom, Little Man has mono. 
• Mom!  The cat pooped in the tub.
• Overtime has been cancelled until further notice.
• I need to buy ammo for my Firearms class this weekend.  Which bank account has any money left in it?
• Ask your husband if you can go out to dinner with me Saturday night.
• Honey, I came home and the water was turned off.  Did we pay the bill?
• Your deductible is $500. 
• We're out of toilet paper (screamed from the upstairs bathroom)!
• Mom!  Little Man is throwing up again! 
• I don't want to go back to school!  I hate it and you can't make me!
• Why is there no food in the house after you just went shopping?
• The reality is that the hard workers rarely get noticed.  People get noticed when they screw up or kiss the boss' butt.  So you need to decide whether you are going to screw up, kiss up or just work hard with no acknowledgement. 
• Quit bugging me or I will hit your spleen and make you go to the hospital (related to the mono symptoms, but I'm going to save this one for my own verbal threat arsenal.  It would really throw someone off, wouldn't it?).  

There were more things said that made me want to scream, but honestly, I'm too tired to try and remember them all.  Feel free to share some of your irritating conversations in the comments.  I could use a few laughs.