I Yam Who I Yam

THANK YOU! Finally a magazine got it right!

Have you seen this?

Am I alone in finding this a refreshing departure from the picture perfect bodies I see all day long in advertisement after advertisement in print and on TV?

In all honesty, I cannot name one person among my friends who has six pack abs. I cannot name one of them who doesn't have some kind of issue with her body. So why does the media portray the SuperModel body as the norm for our society?!

I know, I know. This issue has been hashed to death and we have all have an opinion about women and our body images and how those images create issues and how those issues mess or don't mess with our ability to be at peace with who we are.

My opinion on the issue? Well, I'm fat. And I have issues. I'm fat cause I have issues stemming from abuse and they mess with me everyday in some form or another and my body takes the brunt of my emotional issues. One of these days I may get it all figured out and actually end up being a fit, healthy middle aged woman. But it's a struggle. So, yeah...I guess my body image affects my ability to be at peace with who I am, along with all of my other "issues." And I hate having to feel worse about myself than I already do because society says my body doesn't fit the "norm." So please, media...remind me everyday by shoving perfection in my face, okay? I'm pretty sure that will help get me motivated!

You know what actually DID get me motivated today? Lizzie Miller and her picture. You know why? Because this beautiful woman, with her full thighs and flabby belly and stretch marks, looks very comfortable in her own skin. (She's a plus size model at size 12? Gimme a freaking break!) And I for one am glad that she was comfortable enough to let someone take a picture of her in all her glory. Why? Because as fat as I am, seeing this picture made me remember that my body image shouldn't define who I am as a person. Fat, not fat, flabby or toned, I am who I am because of what's on the inside (just like we tell our kids, right?).

Maybe the media is finally getting it. Yes, it's nice to see beautiful, healthy women with six pack abs and a perfectly toned butt in nice clothes and pretend that's how we might look in those clothes. But it's just as nice to see beautiful, healthy women who have left over baby houses on their tummies in nice clothes (or in this case in no clothes). Why? Because it's reality. It's who we are. Yeah, the clothes may not lay as nicely or fit as snugly without bumps, but Lizzie represents the other 95% of us who weren't born with skinny genes and who aren't great about working out 4 hours a day or who have other issues that keep us from becoming a hard body mom. She shows us how clothes will really look - on a normal person. She reminds us that we are great women and mothers and wives and sisters and friends, regardless of the body we come in.

Thanks to Glamour and Lizzie for showing us the true "Normal."

What the Treadmill Did This Year

Remember the engineer from the toy company who contacted me regarding a toy that wasn't holding together for us? The Wicked Cool Engineer Dude? I thought about an email conversation I had with him when I heard the treadmill going the other day. The conversation revolved around the fact that our treadmill gets lots and LOTS of use, but rarely for exercise and even more rarely by me, for whom the treadmill was purchased in the first place!

I started thinking about all of the things the treadmill has been used for over the last year and was actually pretty amazed by how creative my guys can get when they are bored. So, for your perusal and amusement, I present:

101 Things Boys Can Do With a Treadmill

• Line coins up vertically at the end of the treadmill. Turn it on to a very slow speed and watch coins fall off of the end of the treadmill and land on top of each other in a neat little stack on the floor (I was very, very impressed by this one!)
• Place robotic/electronic hamster in hamster ball. Place on treadmill. Start treadmill at slow speed to see if hamster can maintain rolling on treadmill. Suddenly shoot speed to high and watch hamster ball go flying across the room.
• Do same thing as above with Little Brother or annoying neighbor kid. Get grounded for the rest of the afternoon.
• Use as a fort to maintain possession of the living room. Cover with blankets to avoid detection and scream loudly at anyone who dares to remove the blanket to see what's going on in said fort.
• Use to burn off excess energy before bed or to avoid a shower. Take turns with brother running slow, then fast, then slow while running backwards and pretend not to hear mother yelling something about bathing.
• Turn treadmill on slow speed while cat is sleeping on it and watch how long it takes him to realize he is moving while sleeping. Laugh when he lands in a sleepy pile at the end of the treadmill (note: no cats were hurt in this experiment. He was disgruntled, but not hurt.)
• Place drowsy, frustrated cat on treadmill again, turn on medium speed and watch him trot to stay on treadmill. Then watch cat quit running and again land on the floor in a heap before he shoots boys a disgusted look and walks away to his food bowl.
• Plead with mom 6000 times to use the cat as an experiment on the treadmill again and walk away dejected after hearing 6000 "no's."
• Try to make a sculpture out of a styrofoam block by turning treadmill on high and rubbing off corners and sides to create "masterpiece." Throw crappy sculpture on the floor and leave little pieces of white styrofoam all over living room. Run to friend's house. Come home and ask what happened to the living room!
• Sit at top of treadmill with legs crossed. Have brother turn treadmill to highest speed. Shoot off end of treadmill and land on butt on the floor. Laugh hysterically.
• Turn treadmill on high. Drop various articles on treadmill mat to see how far they will launch across the room. Suggestions: Legos, Action Figures, Army Guys, Shoes, Mom's hair clips, Super Balls, oranges...whatever else looks intriguing.
• Have one kid hold loose end of toilet paper roll at top of treadmill. Place toilet paper roll on treadmill surface and turn treadmill on at medium to high speed. Watch toilet paper unroll and try to keep roll on treadmill without breaking paper. Try to put paper back on roll and replace in bathroom before mom sees. Sit silently for a few minutes before admitting toilet paper experiment to mom when she asks who unrolled the paper and then tried to roll it back up and hide it.
• Line up green army guys with precision into perfect little platoons on treadmill surface. Turn on treadmill and wipe out entire army, then declare victory.
• Use at high speed to rub helmets (and subsequently part of their heads) and weapons off of plastic army guys in order to disarm them (note: said rubbing leaves tiny little pieces of shredded green plastic stuck to your carpet. Not to worry, they vacuum up relatively quickly).

I know...I'm not at 101 uses yet. I need to start taking pictures, because some of them are really hilarious. I'm guessing I should have a pretty complete list by this time next summer. The treadmill list should probably include me getting on it at some point, yes?

Break Pal Giveaway!!

So somehow this guy Phil, who created Break Pal with Liz, telepathically connected with my thought patterns about a week ago and caught me on a day when I was freaking out about my my general state of unhealthiness. Phil was smart, because he waited to pounce until the exact moment when I made one of those stupid promises to myself that I would work hard at changing my lifestyle. Then he emails me asking if I want to check out Break Pal and review it. Well, of course I said yes, because I was still in my stupor of thought over my state of physical well being and glowing in the aftermath of my hastily made promise to shape up! Nice work, Phil. Catch a girl when she's delirious with thoughts of a healthier lifestyle. Never mind the fact that I still have to ACT on those thoughts!

Well...it turns out that Break Pal is actually a really good way for me to break into this whole exercise and healthy lifestyle thing. Because Break Pal was designed for busy people who work from their desks and offices and all of the exercises are designed to be executed in small spaces. So I can actually exercise while I blog! I KNOW! What a concept! Okay, I can't actually type while I exercise, but I can take 5 minutes out of my blogging time and do some quick exercises in between posts and emails and such, without even leaving my chair if I don't want to. I try to rotate and do both standing and sitting exercises throughout the day, which has been really good for my circulation, by the way.

The exercises vary and are challenging, but very doable for a fatty like me. Even if you're a fitness guru and work out every day, these are great desk exercises to help you stretch your muscles and stay sharp/focused during the day. There are several types of exercises including punches, blocks, twists, breathing, yoga stretches, standing, walking and even cardio Karaticise. Here's a quick video to get an idea of what Break Pal is all about!



Each video is about 2-5 minutes in length and has step-by-step instructions to help you quickly learn the routine. I have used Break Pal on and off for a week now and am really enjoying the benefits of a clearer mind and better circulation while I sit at the computer. My posture is starting to improve too...less aching lower back! It's gonna take WAY longer than a week for my poor body to see the toning effects that can result from some of these exercises, but I can definitely say that I have found a tool that I can stick with to help me down the path to a healthier lifestyle.

Wanna try it out? You can click here to go to the site and set up a free trial membership. Make sure you download the widget for your desktop, it will remind you every so often to take a break and do some quick exercises. I found it to be very helpful. After the trial is over, Break Pal is only $9.95/month! The site also serves as a useful social networking site where you can make friends with people on the site to compete against and motivate each other as you earn points for the exercises you do.

Thinking it sounds pretty cool? Wanna win a lifetime membership? 3 lucky readers can do just that by leaving a comment on this post! Let me know what you think and I'll add your name to the drawing, which will end on May 8th at 12 midnight MST.

I'll give extra entries to anyone who fans Break Pal's Facebook page! Be sure to let me know so I can keep track of extra entries.

Want even more chances?

• Subcribe to my blog in a reader or by email
• Twitter this contest
• Become a Boymom follower

Leave a separate comment for every extra entry, please!

Good luck to everyone! I gotta go...the Break Pal widget calls! Should I do Ram's Head Punches or Standing Chi Kung? Wow...did I just sound all health-oriented and stuff when I said that?