What the Treadmill Did This Year

Remember the engineer from the toy company who contacted me regarding a toy that wasn't holding together for us? The Wicked Cool Engineer Dude? I thought about an email conversation I had with him when I heard the treadmill going the other day. The conversation revolved around the fact that our treadmill gets lots and LOTS of use, but rarely for exercise and even more rarely by me, for whom the treadmill was purchased in the first place!

I started thinking about all of the things the treadmill has been used for over the last year and was actually pretty amazed by how creative my guys can get when they are bored. So, for your perusal and amusement, I present:

101 Things Boys Can Do With a Treadmill

• Line coins up vertically at the end of the treadmill. Turn it on to a very slow speed and watch coins fall off of the end of the treadmill and land on top of each other in a neat little stack on the floor (I was very, very impressed by this one!)
• Place robotic/electronic hamster in hamster ball. Place on treadmill. Start treadmill at slow speed to see if hamster can maintain rolling on treadmill. Suddenly shoot speed to high and watch hamster ball go flying across the room.
• Do same thing as above with Little Brother or annoying neighbor kid. Get grounded for the rest of the afternoon.
• Use as a fort to maintain possession of the living room. Cover with blankets to avoid detection and scream loudly at anyone who dares to remove the blanket to see what's going on in said fort.
• Use to burn off excess energy before bed or to avoid a shower. Take turns with brother running slow, then fast, then slow while running backwards and pretend not to hear mother yelling something about bathing.
• Turn treadmill on slow speed while cat is sleeping on it and watch how long it takes him to realize he is moving while sleeping. Laugh when he lands in a sleepy pile at the end of the treadmill (note: no cats were hurt in this experiment. He was disgruntled, but not hurt.)
• Place drowsy, frustrated cat on treadmill again, turn on medium speed and watch him trot to stay on treadmill. Then watch cat quit running and again land on the floor in a heap before he shoots boys a disgusted look and walks away to his food bowl.
• Plead with mom 6000 times to use the cat as an experiment on the treadmill again and walk away dejected after hearing 6000 "no's."
• Try to make a sculpture out of a styrofoam block by turning treadmill on high and rubbing off corners and sides to create "masterpiece." Throw crappy sculpture on the floor and leave little pieces of white styrofoam all over living room. Run to friend's house. Come home and ask what happened to the living room!
• Sit at top of treadmill with legs crossed. Have brother turn treadmill to highest speed. Shoot off end of treadmill and land on butt on the floor. Laugh hysterically.
• Turn treadmill on high. Drop various articles on treadmill mat to see how far they will launch across the room. Suggestions: Legos, Action Figures, Army Guys, Shoes, Mom's hair clips, Super Balls, oranges...whatever else looks intriguing.
• Have one kid hold loose end of toilet paper roll at top of treadmill. Place toilet paper roll on treadmill surface and turn treadmill on at medium to high speed. Watch toilet paper unroll and try to keep roll on treadmill without breaking paper. Try to put paper back on roll and replace in bathroom before mom sees. Sit silently for a few minutes before admitting toilet paper experiment to mom when she asks who unrolled the paper and then tried to roll it back up and hide it.
• Line up green army guys with precision into perfect little platoons on treadmill surface. Turn on treadmill and wipe out entire army, then declare victory.
• Use at high speed to rub helmets (and subsequently part of their heads) and weapons off of plastic army guys in order to disarm them (note: said rubbing leaves tiny little pieces of shredded green plastic stuck to your carpet. Not to worry, they vacuum up relatively quickly).

I know...I'm not at 101 uses yet. I need to start taking pictures, because some of them are really hilarious. I'm guessing I should have a pretty complete list by this time next summer. The treadmill list should probably include me getting on it at some point, yes?