Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms Review and Giveaway

About a month ago I was honored to be chosen as a "Don't Sweat" Mom.  The title doesn't come with a cool tiara or a guest spot on Ellen or anything like that.  What it does come with is an opportunity to share some insights and support with lots of other moms out there, many of whom have held me up during more than one difficult parenting situation. It also comes with an awesome new book called Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms, by Kristine Carlson.

Kristine Carlson is a mother and grandmother and the wife of the late Dr. Richard Carlson who authored the highly successful "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" series.  Kristine created her own very successful Don't Sweat series by writing 3 bestsellers of her own, including Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in Love and Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Women.  

In her latest book, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms, Kristine talks to moms about finding joy in everyday parenting and reveals how to:                                                          

• be a mom (not a friend)
• balance being a woman and a mom
• pursue your passion (but not at the expense of your children)
• and reclaim your family time.                                                                                   

Personally, as a mother, I tend to be a "sweater."  I DO sweat the small stuff.  Everyday.  All of the time.  I know why I'm that way.  I have this overexaggerated need to make sure that my kids have a home life that is very different from the kind of home life (or lack thereof) that I experienced.  Many times though, that drive creates the opposite effect and my micromanaging makes things very unenjoyable at home, for ALL OF US!  So it's been good for me to step back and get some input from other women who have figured it out, ya know? 

Kristine's book lays out some good advice, in short concise chapters, that helps busy and stressed out moms gain some perspective as they navigate the daily challenges that sometimes prevent us from enjoying our families more. One of the most helpful chapters for me as a mom at this particular time is called "When Things Fall Apart".  

"Then, they enter puberty and somehow we feel as though we've hit a wall.  We are exhausted; we've lost all confidence in ourselves, in our future, in our ability to mother with the wisdom and pleasure we once had.  What happened, we ask ourselves.  Nothing much - unless you notice that our own lives are convulsing too.  One might think that Mother Nature is playing a terrible joke when we stop to realize that our kids' teenage years are taking place alongside the emergence of our own midlife issues that can exacerbate the stresses we feel with our children."

BOOM!  Someone just defined exactly how I am feeling!!  How relieved am I to know that a) I am not the only person who does not feel at all prepared to deal with teenagers at this particular juncture of my own messed up life and b) that this midlife crisis thing that I feel like I have been going through for-freaking-EVER is also a somewhat normal, albeit unpleasant, part of the parenting journey?!?  I don't know that this realization will make this part of the process any easier, but at least now I have a definition of what the problem is so I can work on developing the parenting tools I will need to make sure my family survives this period of growth.

It is truly amazing to me how things and people come into our lives when we need them the most.  This is the second book I have read in the last few weeks that has spoken directly to the issues I am facing as a mother trying to hold her family together during a difficult time and as a woman looking for fulfillment in her personal life.

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms reminded me that I'm not going to get everything right when it comes to raising my boys.  I know that, but it's hard to let go of the warped idea that just maybe, if I try hard enough, things might go exactly as planned and my two boys might have a shot at being amazing people.  I get too uptight when things go wrong, which seems to happen a lot the last few years.  And knowing how it feels to be on the receiving end of someone else's poor choices or mistakes, it causes me great pain to think that I might wreck their lives because of choices I make.  So I try to control everything and I fail miserably and we all end up depressed.  As Kristine says, "there's no such thing as a perfect mom."  As much as I want their childhood to be safe and happy, things are going to happen that will be difficult for our family to navigate and no amount of micromanaging is going to change the fact that life is messy and my kids might get a little dirtied up trying to figure it all out.  The best gift I can give them is to let go of the "small stuff" that undermines my confidence and find a way to be happy with who I am.  When I can learn to do that, I will be free to create a home that allows them to feel safe and loved while they figure out who they are and what they want from their own lives.

So...now that you know my thoughts about Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms, wanna win a copy of your own?  To enter, leave a comment that tells us some of the best parenting advice you've recieved.  Contest will end on June 9th @ 12 pm MST.  Winners will be chosen at random and notified by email or announced on this blog.

To extra entries you can do any of the following, just leave a comment letting me know what you did:

• Follow I Am Boymom on this Blog, Twitter and Facebook
• Connect with the Don’t Sweat Moms:
  • Facebook ~ Facebook.com/DontSweatMoms
  • Twitter ~ Twitter.com/DontSweatMoms
  • YouTube ~ YouTube.com/user/dontsweatmoms
  • Pinterest ~ Pinterest.com/dontsweatmoms

Didn't win the giveaway?  Don't sweat it!!  (Did ya see what I just did there?  Sorry, couldn't resist.) Everyone's a winner here! You can still get a free gift!  Kristine is giving moms a chance to get the first chapter of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms for FREE!!  Woot!  Just click the link below.

**Disclosure:  I received a free copy of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms to facilitate this book review.  My thoughts and opinions about the book are honest and are my own.**

Help! I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up!!

It's the New Year and I wanted to write this really great, funny, uplifting post today, but I'm afraid it's just not in me. I am struggling. It may have something to do with the fact that I have had the flu/cold twice now in a month. All I know is it's January 4th and I still don't have a clear direction for my family this year. We spent the entire year of 2008 struggling just to survive and I didn't want to start another year without some goals and direction. I shouldn't say we have no direction, we have some general ideas, but nothing concrete.

If you've been reading my blog for the last 6 months or if you happen to know me, you know that I am one of those people who is incomprehensively emotional. I attribute it to my wierd childhood and all of my "issues." Maybe that's an excuse. Maybe I would have been like this regardless of how I grew up. All I know is right now I feel retarded. I feel incapable. I feel like I have lost my ability to rise above the - whatever it is you are supposed to rise above - and move forward. We are stuck. My husband is stuck, I am stuck, we are stuck. Has anyone ever been in this place before? How did you get past it? 'Cause truthfully? I feel like if I don't find something soon, my head is going to explode!

Being here, stuck in this unproductive place, is causing me physical pain. It's like all of the sudden I am 8 years old again and I am being thrust into an adult world and being told to figure it out. Why aren't my coping skills kicking in? Why isn't my sense of logic and my desire to succeed pushing me past my fear and worry? Why can't I put together some kind of plan to help me and my family out of the mess we are in? Where has my confidence gone? WHERE IS THE ADULT ME WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE STEPPING IN TO RESCUE THE KID ME RIGHT NOW?!?!?!

My husband, who is a good man but who is lost himself, is no help. If I have a carload of baggage, this man has a trainload. Not a full boxcar, an entire TRAIN. FULL. So yeah...unless some kind of miracle happens, which it could, I'm pretty much on my own here.

In fact, the whole reason we are here is because his issues attacked him and he shut down, which led mine to attack me and it's all I can do not to shut down and so we sit and pretend to have a conversation and try to make a plan, but neither one of us can actually shake loose long enough to put anything of real value into action. We just kind of go through the motions. Mostly I go through the motions. He is just kind of existing right now. I feel bad, I have nothing left to offer him. I can't help him...I can barely help myself and keep things going for the kids.

Wow! What a bummer of a post this is! Hey Internets, if you have nothing to feel bad about going into the new year, be sure and stop by Boymom's Blog. She'll complain at you until you feel just as depressed as she feels! Sorry. I am not trying to be Debbie Downer. I always said I would write what I feel on my blog though, so I will let the post stand for now, as this is my reality today.

So...I guess I'm asking for advice. Praying is always part of my process. So far, I am not hearing much back in that department, at least that I am recognizing. I feel completely paralyzed and lost. I know some of you won't get that. My mom is one of those people who never lets life get the best of her. I wish I could be more like that. She's able to keep her emotions from overcoming her to the point that she can't function. I don't know why I struggle with that. Mine seem to consume me. And now I am being drowned by them.

I would love to hear from any and all of you how you get through very difficult, uncertain circumstances without being so overwhelmed that you shut down. Seriously. Give me your secrets, your thoughts, your jokes, your pep talks, your butt chewings - whatever ya got. I'll read them all and be thankful for the efforts you make to share. Then I'll pull myself up by the bootstraps (Now I remembered that one, why can't I remember the rise above it thing?), even though I own no boots, and try to post something more positive this week!

Thanks for listening bloggy friends.

Google Ads is My Mother in Disguise!!

I haven't posted for a few days, because truthfully, I have been in a fit of depression over the whole finding a job thing. So when I finally climbed out of the pit of despair today and checked my blog, I saw that Google Ads has a few "Stop Procrastinating" and "Need a cute Apron?"ads on my blog!! So, what are you sayin', Google? Are you questioning my housekeeping skills and priorities?



What I want to know is when did Google Ads become my mother? It's one thing for your mom to give you advice and counsel and a motherly nudge in the right direction, but it's a completely different story to have some faceless ad repeat itself over and over on your blog, mocking you, chastising you, daring you to walk away from your computer and do something more productive with your time!

Frankly, I'm a little miffed over this! I mean, do I succumb to marketing tactics and let Google Ads win or do I play hard ball and prove that I am my own woman and will do what I want, when I want and how I want, thank you very much!

And another thing, Google! I don't appreciate your tone! I didn't ask you for advice and I don't think you know me well enough to be making judgements about how I spend my time! Who do you think you are, anyway? Look, it it weren't for me and this blog, no one would even see your ads, so now what! I don't need no stinkin' ad links! Yeah, I went there, I said it, 'cause that's how I roll! Ha, ha, ha....what? You have ads on other blog sites? You don't really care if I use your ads or not? You just wanted to remind me that I have other things to do besides hang out on the computer all day? Whatever. Guess I'll just go...do some dishes or vacuum or something. Stupid Google Ads.

****Edit: I noticed my Google Ads have changed...one is about bathrooms and the other keeps changing from "Sexy Singles" to "Spyware" stuff. Maybe Google Ads got the hint. Or maybe I finally got my dishes done and Google won and knows it won and is sitting there with a patronizing smirk on it's face, eating a cookie and drinking a mocha cappaccino.****

You had me at Hello.

One of the reasons I decided to start a blog was that I want to feel more connected to the world outside my door, my town, my realm of reality. I also wanted to be able to express my thoughts and feelings in a way that others might find interesting and maybe helpful on some level. I guess truth be told, it's my way of trying to be part of something bigger than myself, but still indulge my ego!

At first I kind of freaked out, because I started to find all of these wonderfully creative and funny blogs which were wonderfully designed with all kinds of little doodads and chachkis. Mine felt plain and amateurish and I felt out of touch and kind of inadequate. I used to think I was a pretty creative, funny person. For some reason, I forgot that there are other funny, creative people out there too and now How am I going to shine and stand out in the crowd!?! DANG!!! The doubt and frustration set in and I wondered if this was even worth the effort. Which made me really start to think about what it is I am trying to achieve here by blogging.

In the meantime, while I was all wrapped up in deep thought, I posted a kind of bummer post about feeling lost. Then something happened. Instead of me being the one to offer all of this great, hard-earned wisdom and advice, I have found myself on the receiving end of some really caring and kind words from other Bloggers out there. THIS is why I love the internet. THIS is why I find myself scouring other blogs, looking for a semblance of normalcy in my life by comparing my experiences with others out there who are willing to share theirs. THIS is what I am hoping to achieve by starting mine. I guess I really hope that at some point, someone out there who is struggling will run across my blog and read something that makes them laugh or cry or think or do whatever it is they need to do that day to feel okay and feel like they can cope with one more stupid issue that life hands them. Because that's what so many of you do for me. And for being yourselves, and sharing your experiences and offering words of encouragement, I thank all of you Bloggers and Forum friends out there (gives overzealous hugs...awkward silence). Umm...okay, then. I'll...just go...now.