Friday, April 17, 2009

I Know. I KNOW!! I Have Issues!

By now most of you know I have issues. I struggle with depression, organization, hormones, whatever. My issues revolve around handling life's challenges. So here's the thing. I'm having issues about having issues. I don't want to be a person who has major issues anymore. I don't want to be the person that everyone shakes their head about when I walk away, wondering if I'll ever get it together. I don't want to keep wondering if I'll ever get it together. I want to be free from issues. Issueless, if you will.

I realize that is a lofty goal, especially when I have kind of defined myself by my issues. So I am making a list of ways I might attack the problem of dealing with my issues. Some are practical, some are not. Let me know what you think.

Ways I might deal with my issues:
  • Be on the Dr. Phil Show - He's always good for a dose of reality and some free counseling.
  • Join an Issues Anonymous Program - 12 steps to an Issue-free life.
  • Ask Congress for a grant for the study of how to release my Issues.
  • Start blaming Blackie Chan the Ninja Cat for my Issues.
  • Pretend like my Issues don't exist and walk through life in denial while treating everyone around me like crap (yeah - we all know of few of these people, right?)
  • Buy one of the many miracle cures for Issues from a TV infomercial.
  • Watch a gazillion movies, one after another, about people whose lives seriously sucked so I can feel better about my own Issues.
  • Rat out a mob boss so I can be put into the Witness Protection Program and gain a new identity - preferably an identity with NO ISSUES!
  • Talk to Britney Spears about her Issues, thereby numbing my brain to my own set of ridiculous problems.
  • Eat a lot of stuff with Mercury and Aluminum in it so I will get Alzheimers and not remember I ever had Issues in the first place. (Not mocking Alzheimers - I know it is a horrible disease!)
  • Go on the Jerry Springer show and throw a chair at someone who I think may be the cause of some of my Issues, then call the audience names and walk off the set.
  • Become a politician - they seem to lose all grasp of reality when they get elected anyway, so maybe my Issues will disappear with my rationality and good sense once I hit Washington.
  • Become an actress - see explanation for politicians, but substitute Washington for Hollywood.
  • Just let them go. Look the Issues in the eye, acknowledge why they exist and then just let them go. Sounds too easy. But I'll keep it on the list.


The family said...

NOW...I know why I love your blog so much. Birds of a feather flock together =0)

Melanie said...

You may have "issues", but you definitely do not lack a sense of humor! This post had me giggling!!

Rachael said...

These are all great ideas! I love it!

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