So my washer broke last week. What I found in my life about broken washers is this: they always break when they are full of water and wet clothes. And they never break when you have money or time to fix or replace them. A broken washer is a huge inconvenience. Huge. Huuuuuuuuuuuge (Say that in your best Donald Trump voice).
As per broken washer rules, mine broke true to form when I was awash in worry about hormonal imbalances that are wreaking havoc with my body, financial issues that make my head hurt, work schedules that do not accommodate my family needs and various other concerns that have me feeling overwhelmed and less than able to cope. So yeah...it picked the perfect time to break if its goal was to push me over the Cliffs of Insanity.
After a few moments of troubleshooting and a call to two different repair guys, the consensus was that I needed to get a new washer. Great. A $500 hit to our pretty much depleted budget. With that dose of reality came copious amounts of stress and worry, because that's how I roll. Soon I found myself near tears and on my knees, praying for help, relief, strength, anything as I searched for non-existent coping skills that would not kick in. Then we ran out of clean towels and underwear so I started looking at new washers.
There were lots of new, shiny washers to look at, so I should have been excited about finding something awesome that would make my clothes come out cleaned and neatly folded. But I didn't feel excited. I felt anxious and frustrated and out of sorts and worried about making the purchase. And always, every time I started to shop, I kept having this feeling that I should try to fix my old washer. To which I replied, "Ummm, NO! Too hard, too much time, too old (me and the washer), just no." To which the feeling replied, "It will be okay. You can do this. It will save you a lot of money. Seriously. You should just fix it." To which I replied, "But I don't want to fix it, that option seems really hard and time consuming. Plus, I slammed my thumb in the car door three days ago and it still hurts and the cuticle is all mangled and I don't want to hurt it more. So no" To which the feeling replied, "I think you should think about it. It's a good way to go."
So I thought about it for two more days. And while I was thinking another hard, stupid thing happened and the stress and worry about everything that had occurred over the last few weeks came crashing down. My co-workers were awesome and helped me keep it together when I was on the verge of tears at work, but when I got in the car to come home, I broke down and sobbed. I cried all the way home. And while I cried, I prayed. I prayed for peace, for money, for wisdom, for strength, for love, for hope, for insight and understanding, for someone else to cook dinner and for help with that stupid, stupid washing machine that I loved and needed so I could wash clothes. And after I prayed, the feeling said "You should fix it yourself." To which I replied, "You know what? Fine."
Now you probably know this, but something happens when you finally give in to a feeling or a thought that has been bugging you for awhile. Things just start to fall into place. I came home, googled the problem and darned if I didn't find a whole new forum that had every answer I needed to fix the washer. Why do you suppose that answer never came up the first 6 times I scoured the internet for answers? Then I tore into the washer, found a parts store today that had everything I needed and $100 later? My washer is fixed. I'm washing towels in it right now. Okay, so I forgot to check the belt and found out it has a big tear in it, so I will have to replace that tomorrow, but for now, the washer is working. And I am overjoyed! I am also pretty freaking awesome!
While I was watching my handiwork on action, I finally stepped down from my fix-it high for a moment and realized something. That feeling that I had been fighting all week? Was the help I had been asking for. And in my typical child-like fashion, I was too busy having a meltdown to stop and think about where the thoughts and feelings were coming from long enough to calm down and accept the help that was being offered. Because that's how I roll. I'm all about the brick wall experience.
Maybe this doesn't seem like a big deal to people. That's okay. I get it. Lots of drama over nothing. But to me? It's HUUUUUUUUGE (Trump it up)! Having this one thing off of my plate took just enough weight off of my shoulders that I can think and breathe again. I sooooo needed this break.
So tonight, I sit here at my computer filled to the core with gratitude for the answer to my prayers. Some of you may call what happened intuition or coincidence or something completely different and that's fine with me. I call it divine help from a loving Heavenly Father who heard His daughter's plea for relief. For the first time in weeks, my soul feels peace. How can I not love a Father who extended His hand to lift me up and help me in a way that not only shows me his kindness and concern, but also gives me confidence in my ability to solve problems and overcome challenges. I feel so blessed to be the Child of God. He took this:
(No idea who this poor little "Snot Baby" is, but I was so feelin' it!)
And turned me into this: