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Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts

Thursday, August 15, 2019

My ManCub Isn't a Cub Anymore.


My kiddo isn't a kid any more! Twenty years ago he came into the world and I became a mother. He has blessed our lives with his happy and calm spirit every day since then.


He is hilarious, handsome, kind, intelligent and weirdly wise for a young man of his age. 


Tanner is an old soul.  His spirit sees and understands things far beyond his earthly years.


He's a deep thinker, this one. And those thoughts can lead to some pretty profound conclusions sometimes.


His capacity to love and forgive make me try harder to be a better person every day. Most days I feel like parenting through the lens of trauma that I still work through has wrecked my boys.


But then my oldest - my Golden Bear - he shows up with his kind and gentle ways and I get to see that, despite my messy guidance, he's growing up to be a really amazing person. 


And I feel some redemption. Happy Birthday, Tanner! Thanks for 20 years of unconditional love and joy! ❤

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Celebrate Mother's Day with a Mom's Night Out

Sometimes as moms we get so busy and wrapped up in the care of our family that we forget to take care of ourselves.  And when we start to feel tired and burned out, maybe we start feeling guilty about wanting a little down time.  What helps me when I get to that place?  Is being reminded that I am not alone in the struggle to keep from feeling that I'm not doing a good enough job of raising my kids.

So when something comes along that lifts me up and helps me soldier on in the parenting department and maybe even makes me laugh about it? I wanna share!

Mother's Day is just a month away and this year Moms can celebrate the ups and downs of motherhood by seeing Mom's Night Out, a movie by Provident Films.  It opens in theaters on Friday May 9th, making it the perfect way to take the night off with a group of mom friends for a night of fun!!

The movie stars favorite TV mom Patricia Heaton, beautiful Sarah Drew, Sean Aston and Trace Adkins.  I was privileged to see a special screening of the movie a few months ago and I found it both hilarious and heartwarming.  But more importantly?  The movie reminded me that the most important work I will ever do is within the walls of my own home and that I need to not judge myself so harshly when I feel like the job is hard and frustrating and overwhelming.  Because sometimes it is all those things.  Seriously.  Go see the movie.  You will leave the theater feeling so much better about the work you do in your home.

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Thursday, August 23, 2012

Why I Watch the Olympics

My husband and boys were not very interested in watching the Olympics this year. They don't get my obssession with watching the games. They sat and watched a few events, like Phelps racing Lochte or a few gymnastics events, but by and large, they didn't pay too much attention to the whole Olympic thing.

I, on the other hand, LOVE watching the Olympics.  At least I used to, before NBC's crappy coverage this year.  Back in the day they used to show as many of the sports as possible.  Now they only show the few they think will give them the best ratings.  Which is sad.  Because we miss out on some really compelling and moving stories and competitions from lesser known sports and athletes.  I get that shooting and fencing might not make for the most interesting TV, but the athletes have unique and inspiring stories and their struggle for gold is no less real or difficult than the athletes who play basketball or swim.  I'm just saying, it would be nice to get a greater cross section of coverage for the games that showcase the best of the best.  Okay...enough of my rant.  I actually have a point to be made here.

Part of the draw of the Olympics, for me anyway, is the chance to see people who have overcome the odds just to participate in the games.  For them, win or lose, it's all about the journey.  I am always so impressed and amazed by people who have the discipline and determination needed to push themselves beyond the challenges and obstacles that might keep them from becoming world class athletes.  I think I admire them because I struggle with those characteristics.  Discipline does not come naturally for me.  So I love watching athletes who have given all they have, both physically and mentally, for a shot at being the best in their field. 
 
It gives me hope I suppose, to see Kieran Behan,  the gymnast from Ireland, the guy who was told he would never walk again, step onto the mat and do an amazing floor routine.  Did he win a medal?  Nope.  Not even close.  But he won my heart.  Because he proved that the human spirit is always stronger than we think. 

Kieran Behan - Photo credit: Ian Walton/Getty
 
A tumor, broken bones, torn ligaments and a traumatic brain injury threatened not only his athletic career, but his very existence on more than one occasion.  You can read more details about him here and here.  Somehow Kieran pushed through the pain and obstacles and in 2011, his perseverance finally paid off.  He won three World Cup medals, becoming Ireland's first World Cup gold medalist in the floor exercise.  Then he won a spot in the Olympics.   And he did all this with no sponsors!  There were no corporate conglomerates like Guiness or some sports drink to back him.  His mom and dad held bake sales and fundraisers and he worked to earn the money he needed to compete and travel.  All of this sacrifice and effort...because the boy who saw his first Olympics when he was maybe 6 years old wanted to be an Olympic gymanst himself.  In my eyes, he was a winner before he ever stepped into the Olympic Stadium. And I wish I had his courage.        

Stories like this are why I look forward to the Olympics.  I wanna hear about the kid from nowhere who bursts onto the scene and makes a name for herself.  Or the 71 year old Japanese equestrian who competed in dressage this year.  I get caught up in the drama as the competition unfolds and I have to decide whether to root for the underdog or the defending champion.

But my enthusiasm for the games is also emotional and sometimes brings on a bout of depression.  Because I want to me more like the Olympians I watch.   I want to be better about developing characteristics that propel me forward in life, rather than wallowing in the emotional baggage that keeps me trapped. I want to be better at facing and overcoming challenge and adversity.  I want to believe in myself to the point that I am willing to push beyond my preconcieved notions of my own capabilities.

This year as I sat and watched the gymnast from Ireland, I wondered out loud what has to happen in my life to motivate me enough to set some clearly defined goals and pursue them with Olympian style passion?  Why is there nothing in me that screams so loud that it forces me off of the couch and out of the house toward the successful completeion of something great?  Where is that drive?

I am 48 years old and the mother of 2 boys who rely on me to instill in them the qualities and characteristics they will need to be happy, successful, functional adults.  I want them to have the kind of determination and discipline required to overcome setbacks and succeed in life.  How can I teach them what I don't have?
 
So I decided to have my own closing ceremony this year when the Olympics ended.  I want to close the door on my past.  I wanna quit wondering and analyzing how I got so screwed up and walk away from my insecurities and self doubt.   I want to find my path and walk it, regardless of the challenges that are presented along the way.  So I wrote down a list of things I want to work on for the rest of the year.  Then I created an Olympic torch that looked a lot like my backyard BBQ, ran a really lame lap around my tiny backyard and then dropped some little pieces of paper with fears and doubts written on them into the fire and watched them burn.  Then I cried.  A lot.  I don't know why.  I wish Kieran Behan was here so I could ask him what to do next. 

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms Review and Giveaway

About a month ago I was honored to be chosen as a "Don't Sweat" Mom.  The title doesn't come with a cool tiara or a guest spot on Ellen or anything like that.  What it does come with is an opportunity to share some insights and support with lots of other moms out there, many of whom have held me up during more than one difficult parenting situation. It also comes with an awesome new book called Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms, by Kristine Carlson.


Kristine Carlson is a mother and grandmother and the wife of the late Dr. Richard Carlson who authored the highly successful "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" series.  Kristine created her own very successful Don't Sweat series by writing 3 bestsellers of her own, including Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in Love and Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Women.  

In her latest book, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms, Kristine talks to moms about finding joy in everyday parenting and reveals how to:                                                          
  • be a mom (not a friend)
  • balance being a woman and a mom
  • pursue your passion (but not at the expense of your children)
  • and reclaim your family time.                                                                                   

Personally, as a mother, I tend to be a "sweater."  I DO sweat the small stuff.  Everyday.  All of the time.  I know why I'm that way.  I have this overexaggerated need to make sure that my kids have a home life that is very different from the kind of home life (or lack thereof) that I experienced.  Many times though, that drive creates the opposite effect and my micromanaging makes things very unenjoyable at home, for ALL OF US!  So it's been good for me to step back and get some input from other women who have figured it out, ya know? 

Kristine's book lays out some good advice, in short concise chapters, that helps busy and stressed out moms gain some perspective as they navigate the daily challenges that sometimes prevent us from enjoying our families more. One of the most helpful chapters for me as a mom at this particular time is called "When Things Fall Apart".  
"Then, they enter puberty and somehow we feel as though we've hit a wall.  We are exhausted; we've lost all confidence in ourselves, in our future, in our ability to mother with the wisdom and pleasure we once had.  What happened, we ask ourselves.  Nothing much - unless you notice that our own lives are convulsing too.  One might think that Mother Nature is playing a terrible joke when we stop to realize that our kids' teenage years are taking place alongside the emergence of our own midlife issues that can exacerbate the stresses we feel with our children."

BOOM!  Someone just defined exactly how I am feeling!!  How relieved am I to know that a) I am not the only person who does not feel at all prepared to deal with teenagers at this particular juncture of my own messed up life and b) that this midlife crisis thing that I feel like I have been going through for-freaking-EVER is also a somewhat normal, albeit unpleasant, part of the parenting journey?!?  I don't know that this realization will make this part of the process any easier, but at least now I have a definition of what the problem is so I can work on developing the parenting tools I will need to make sure my family survives this period of growth.

It is truly amazing to me how things and people come into our lives when we need them the most.  This is the second book I have read in the last few weeks that has spoken directly to the issues I am facing as a mother trying to hold her family together during a difficult time and as a woman looking for fulfillment in her personal life.

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms reminded me that I'm not going to get everything right when it comes to raising my boys.  I know that, but it's hard to let go of the warped idea that just maybe, if I try hard enough, things might go exactly as planned and my two boys might have a shot at being amazing people.  I get too uptight when things go wrong, which seems to happen a lot the last few years.  And knowing how it feels to be on the receiving end of someone else's poor choices or mistakes, it causes me great pain to think that I might wreck their lives because of choices I make.  So I try to control everything and I fail miserably and we all end up depressed.  As Kristine says, "there's no such thing as a perfect mom."  As much as I want their childhood to be safe and happy, things are going to happen that will be difficult for our family to navigate and no amount of micromanaging is going to change the fact that life is messy and my kids might get a little dirtied up trying to figure it all out.  The best gift I can give them is to let go of the "small stuff" that undermines my confidence and find a way to be happy with who I am.  When I can learn to do that, I will be free to create a home that allows them to feel safe and loved while they figure out who they are and what they want from their own lives.

So...now that you know my thoughts about Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms, wanna win a copy of your own?  To enter, leave a comment that tells us some of the best parenting advice you've recieved.  Contest will end on June 9th @ 12 pm MST.  Winners will be chosen at random and notified by email or announced on this blog.

To extra entries you can do any of the following, just leave a comment letting me know what you did:

Didn't win the giveaway?  Don't sweat it!!  (Did ya see what I just did there?  Sorry, couldn't resist.) Everyone's a winner here! You can still get a free gift!  Kristine is giving moms a chance to get the first chapter of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms for FREE!!  Woot!  Just click the link below.



**Disclosure:  I received a free copy of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms to facilitate this book review.  My thoughts and opinions about the book are honest and are my own.**

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Here, Home, Hope Book Review

Thanks to One2One Network, I was able to actually sit down and read a book this last week, for the first time in a very long time.  I love reading, it used to sustain me when I was a kid looking for an escape from my weird, dysfunctional life.  I forgot how much I loved the process of getting to know the characters and really trying to put myself into the story. 


Here, Home, Hope is a "chick lit" novel written by Kaira Rouda.  The whole story revolves around main character Kelly Mills Johnson, a stay-at-home mom  living in an up-scale suburban neighborhood called Grandville.  39-year old Kelly has a successful lawyer husband, well-behaved kids and beautiful friends with whom she shares her life, but she finds herself feeling restless and depressed after a breast cancer scare.  When her boys go off to summer camp she finds herself feeling even more lonely and directionless, so  she decides change is in order and embarks on a "Things to Change (T2C)" campaign to improve her life.  The fact that Post-It Notes became part of that campaign immediately caught my attention and made me laugh, because I am seriously THE Post-It Queen. 

As Kelly puts her T2C Plan into motion, she quickly learns that things are seldom as cut and dry as they may seem.  The two perfectly put together, succesful friends she admires so much are not as perfect and put together as she had assumed and have issues of their own that end up becoming issues for Kelly too!   The rest of the book winds its way through Kelly's attempts to make sense of her life and make the changes she needs to make, while dealing with the changes going on in the lives of those around her. 

I read Here, Home, Hope in two days and although I enjoyed the book and definitely  identified with the character's need for growth and fulfillment  as she transitioned from mother of small children to mother of more self-sufficient teens, there were parts of Kelly's life that I could not necessarily come to terms with.  Maybe it was the $300 hair cut and the shopping trip to the high end boutique.  Or the perfect husband who always says and does the right thing at just the right moment.  Or the perfect suburban neighborhood that Kelly describes as her home.  I don't know anyone who lives like that, so that's not real life...to me.  But then again, I 'spose it is real for some people...I just never ran with the "Country Club" crowd, so my version of reality comes from a whole different place.

The book really is a nice, easy read and there was much to enjoy about Kelly's journey to peace and happiness.  I think it does address some very real issues for women.  Trying to be everything to everybody is something with which most of the women I know struggle.  Here, Home, Hope addresses the feelings and frustrations we all feel when we try to bring more joy and fulfillment to our lives.  It also addresses the reality that not everybody deals with their problems the same way, hence marriages end, families fall apart, people inflict pain on themselves and life gets messy.  And as humans, we tend to be judgemental about people's problem solving skills and choices.  I liked the sense of empowerment that author Kaira Rouda tried to bring out in her female characters throughout the storyline.  I loved that the underlying message is one of support and nuturing, rather than criticizing.   And honesly...I loved the T2C Post-Its and Kelly's T2C List.  I have a few T2C's on my walls now.

Here, Home, Hope was a decent, light, quick read that did give me some ideas, some motivation and some hope that I can make the transisitions I need to make in my own life as I struggle to find "my place" in the Universe.  And it reminded me that while I am on my journey, I need to feed and care for my sister friends (T2C #5) without judgement.

Sending lots of love out to all of you who continue to support me as I work through my issues and find my path to fulfillment!

***Disclosure:  I was not compensated for this review and the opinions expressed are my own.  I did recieve a digital copy of Here, Home, Hope from One 2 One Network in order to facilitate this review. ***    

Thursday, March 31, 2011

I Want Another BABY!

I love this video.  It reminds me of when my boys were little and how much I loved to watch them when they play together. 



OMG!  Have I been bitten by the baby bug?!?  I think I have!  I am so missing my little boys!  I just caught myself wishing I could have another one!!  Aauuggghhhhh!! 

Curse these blasted hormones and their mixed messages!  First they tell my reproductive system to go into shutdown mode because I'm too old to deal with childbirth again, THEN they go all crazy and make me want more babies!!  I don't have the energy for this.  Guess I'll go dig through my boys' baby pictures and reminisce to fill the void. 

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Big Brother is Growing Up

Big Brother turned 10 yesterday. It was a good birthday. We spent the day together with his friends seeing a movie with lots of military guys and explosions. His kind of flick. Then we ate pizza. His kind of food. And to finish the day, the boys had a big afternoon at the pool. His kind of exercise. So it was easy for me. My kind of party.

As I watched him throughout the day, my mind was flooded with memories of him from the last 10 years. Here are a few of my favorites:

  • Big Brother loved his Winnie the Pooh Bear. We had it in his crib when he was born and he immediately bonded with that bear. He loved it, he hugged it, he talked to it, he needed it. When the bear got left somewhere, we had to go back and get it. He rubbed part of the fur off of the paw because he would rub his mouth and nose with the paw to relax or go to sleep. Bear was his stress relief. We loved bear too. Bear was the embodiment of Big Brother. Bear was cuddly and soft and happy and comforting. Just like Big Brother. They were a package deal...where there was one, there was the other. When Little Man came along and started to be aware of Bear, he was always "borrowing" him. The problem was that Little Man did not necessarily care about where he left Bear when he was done with him. One day we took a wagon ride, with Big Brother pulling and Little Man riding in the wagon with Bear. Somehow, somewhere during the ride, Little Man tossed Bear out of the wagon. We didn't notice until that afternoon that Bear was gone. When we finally realized what had happened and feverishly retraced our path, Bear was nowhere to be found. We even put up "missing" posters with Bear's picture. Bear was never recovered. Big Brother shed a few tears and we gave him a stuffed rabbit to sleep with that night and he got over the whole thing in a matter of a day or two. Big Man and I however, still mourn the loss of Bear. It was like we lost part of Big Brother when we lost Bear.
  • When Big Brother was little, I was always worried about him choking on his food. He would eat fast and not always chew good. So sometimes he would kind of cough or gag on a big bite and I would always panic and ask him if he was choking. (My husband teases me about the asking thing, but I was trained in CPR as a hostess at a steakhouse - people always choke on meat! - and that's one of the first things they teach is ask the person if they are choking before you do anything. Google it. Anyway, like a toddler would know or even answer, but it's what I did and I was a new mom, so give me a break!) So apparently I asked him if he was choking alot because one day we stopped to get an Icee while we were driving home and I looked over to see Big Brother holding his head and making these twisted, painful faces. "You okay, buddy?" I asked. He looks up at me with this squished up face and says "I choking. I choking. My head, Mommy! I choking." I immediately recognized the signs of Brain Freeze and busted up laughing. He looked back at me, kind of puzzled..."I okay?"
Yep Big Brother. Yer better than okay. You are the most amazing boy any mother could ask for and you have brought me more joy in 10 short years than I have experienced in my entire 45 years of life. Because of you, I am a better person (and yes, a little fatter...you forgot to take your house - my stretched out belly - with you when you were born). I try harder and I love deeper. You are kind and forgiving and accepting and loving and funny and you light up the world when you smile. While I have had the greatest honor of bringing you into this world, you have given me so much more...You gave me life, son.

Happy Birthday Big Brother.

Monday, July 27, 2009

I Have Good Boys


Sometimes I look at my boys and wonder how I ever got so blessed to have two such fantastic creatures in my life. I have good boys. Big Brother has this wonderful gift of laughter that is so infectious and when he smiles the world smiles. Little Man has an extraordinarily advanced sense of humor that causes fits of giggles from all of us at the most inappropriate times, like in the middle of church. When I relax and just enjoy being around them? I feel blessed and happy. I see them for who they really are. I love them deeply. When I am in that relaxed place I forget the messes they made with the paint on the table and the fact that they still have not done the 3 tasks that I've asked them to do 6 times today. I forget the arguing and the talking back. And I forget that I am trying too hard to make them fit into my idea of who I think they should be. Just for a moment, I let them be who they are. When I let them be who they are I can be who I want to be...the sane, happy and well-adjusted mother I want so badly for them to have. It's not who they have most days right now. And I am sad for them. My lack of happiness is not their fault. It's just life and my lack of coping skills. They are good boys. They deserve better. And I am blessed to have them in my life.