Tuesday, July 1, 2008

This Little Piggy Went...Nowhere, Which Created a Problem.

WARNING!! The following picture is graphic in nature. It may make some people queasy. It made me queasy and it also made me cry. Because it HURT! Like Hades!! It made me cuss in front of God and my kids. Wanna see it? I don't know, it's pretty bad.'s nasty. I just want to prepare ya'll.

Maybe this is bad blog protocol. Do people post pics of their injuries? Well, in the interest of completely candid and honest blogging, I will test the waters with my photo. Then you can all blast me and I will know not to ever do it again. That's me, always pushing the envelope...then cutting my tongue on it.

First, let me explain how it came to be that I no longer have a toenail on my big toe. It's my husband's fault. Seriously. I remind him of that several times a day when I wince with pain every time someone comes near my foot.

Okay, really it was my fault. I have this issue with shoes. I don't like them. So I wear sandals. All of the time. Everywhere. I own tennis shoes, I just don't wear them often. By the way, they are the slide on type too - mules. I also live in the desert, so sandals work, like 360 days out of the year.

What do shoes and my toe have to do with each other? I'm getting to that in a really round-about way.

My husband asked me to help him move this really heavy fiberglass tub thing. It was hot and we were grumpy and not working together in sync. And I was wearing sandals. He said Go! and pushed before I was ready and the tub caught my sloth-like foot, specifically my big toe. And ripped the toenail right off. Can you say $%#@%*+! and *^@#$%$!#@ ? That's what I said. Then I cried. Then I did that pain dance thing that everybody does when they kill their toe. Then I got myself under control.

Then my husband turned the hose on it and I said something like "OOWWWWW! Turn that @$#%@ thing off! Owwweee!" Not only was my toe bleeding and raw, the water was boiling lava hot! Hello, Lab Partner!!! It's like 115 degrees such thing as cool water here! Then I cried again for a minute and finally sat down to look at it.

Not as bad as I thought. At least it was a clean sweep, only one little place where the skin was ripped. No stitches, I didn't go the ER, just slathered it up with Neosporin and a Bandaid. It hurts, but not as bad as I thought it would. So, I did get to take a break the rest of the day. I sat with my foot up and played UNO with the kids. It was actually kind of nice. I think if I paint the rest of my nails red no one will even notice.

By the way, I know what some of you are thinking. Her foot looks kind of fat. It is. It's also swollen from retaining water, which I do every summer, but it's a fat foot. Because I'm fat. That's kind of how it works. I think my feet will look fat even when I'm thin (no specific date on when that will take place...I'll get back to you on that). I don't have sexy feet. I have big, fat, sturdy, pioneer stock feet that will offer me great strength and balance if I ever have to pull a handcart. Not sexy, but very practical. And now mangled.


I am Boymom said...

I think it is REALLY funny that in the labels section of this post it has "cussing" and "family time" right next to each other. That is not how I grouped it...we are NOT the Osbornes!!

Pikes Pickles said...

How is it doing now?

Bandanamom said...

I know it's not funny Geri but this totally made me laugh. Do you know how rare it is that someone can make me laugh on a blog? Usually I just think to myself "that was amusing". But this was an audible laugh (I REFUSE to say lol or laugh out loud because I think it's such a retarded saying). Sorry about your toe, but thanks for the laugh - calling Chris your lab partner did me in.

Miss Hope said...

Sweet Joseph and the baby lambs. I'm hurting for you all the way over here. Did not that husband of yours give you ammunition to last through the years in a nursing home?


Limp as long as you can.

Choppzs said...

Oh gosh, that must have hurt like hell! Ugh, not fun!

And and as for posting injuries and stuff, have at it! lol

I think your piggies look like little kid's toes! Cute and chubby! lol

Tanner said...

Hey, now add a picture of your Mother's maimed,distorted finger on her man hand and you can demonstrate some more of our family physical traits. Including the tree stump legs.

I am Boymom said...

Pickles - A little better, just icky and well...I won't share the details. But not too bad in the pain department...I'm surprised!

Bandana Mom - It isn't funny, thanks for mocking my pain. Kidding! I'm glad my post made you laugh, that is what I intended it to do...if I look at it with humor, I won't call my husband bad Idiot Toe Wrecker.

Hope - He's pouting today cause he thinks I ratted him out to all my blog friends. I told him I accepted partial responsibility, but he thinks I'm wrecking his good guy image...ummm...he has an image to uphold? Okay.

Choppz - my toes are like kids toes! Which goes with my little kid mentality most days!

Tanner - Maimed fingers and Man hands, broken and bloody toes, cankles and fat knees...true signs of beauty in our family! Don't forget Chattering false teeth and the female pattern baldness. Dang...who WOULDN"T want to hang with the women in our family...we are FINE!

Sue said...

As we used to say when we were kids: ouchie-wow-wow!

Sista, my feet still have your feet beat in the unattractive dept. I'm talking BUNIONS. Run away!!!

Anonymous said...

Hey!! You didn't have to bring up ALL the family physical traiats!! People are going to have nightmares!!! You might mention we are very adept at covering these flaws,altho I only sold one of my old hairpieces at the yard sale Saturday. HA! Do they make a bunion cover? Like maybe a daisy with a place for the bunion to be in the center. Kinda like a Black Eyed Susan effect.

Dana said...

Holy Cow! That looks more than a little painful! I think I would have been cussing up a storm too! I hope it's feeling better sooner rather than later but I know toenails take a LONG time to grow back....

Amie said...


Kristi said...

That is a freakin nightmare! AT least you got the day of though. :)

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