Mother of the Year? Seriously? Do You Actually READ My Blog?!?

My new friend Melissa over at Saving Cents with Sense has nominated me as Mother of the Year. While flattered, I had to stop for minute and think about what in the world she read on this blog that made her think I might qualify for the award, 'cause frankly, I wonder myself some days how my kids are even still alive and normal. That's not to say anyone needs to call CPS, I take good care of my kids. I just think that I could be doing so much better at helping them develop into really great people. Anyway, thanks to Melissa for thinking I have done something worthy of receiving her award. Here are the rules I have to follow in order to receive the award:

Admit one thing you feel awful about involving being a mom. Get it off your shoulders. Once you've written it down, you are No Longer allowed to feel bad. It's over with, it's in the past. Remember, you're a good mom!

I yell too much. When my kids lose their minds I try to stay calm, but there are times when I lose it too and I yell. Not good. I hate that about myself. I'm working on changing that. My kids deserve a better example of how to deal with conflict and stress.

•Remind yourself you are a good mom, list seven things you love about your kids, you love doing with your kids, or that your kids love about you. These are the things to remind yourself everyday that you Rock!

I love hugging my kids, I love telling stories at night with them, I love taking walks with them, I love dancing with them, I love playing games with them, I love picking them up from school, I love smelling their clean hair after baths.

•Send this to five other Mom's of the year that deserve credit for being great moms and remind them that they are the best moms they can be!! Remember to send them a note to let them know you've selected them, and add a link to the person who nominated you.

For the Mom of the Year award, I nominate the following moms, because I find them to be some of the best examples I could hope to follow when it comes to truly loving and caring for their children:

Life at Our Zoo
Johnson Team Mom
Hope from the Edge
You Don't Have to Like Me
Two Times the Fun
Kuntz Family

Go forth Great Moms, and nominate other Great Moms, that we may multiply and prosper!

Disney On Ice Winner!!

We have a winner, folks!

I assigned each eligible post a number, as follows:

1 - Whatcott Family
2 - Marshmallow Circus
3 - Johnson Team Mom
4 - momelo
5 - Sensible Mama

Here are the results from random.org:
Congratulations Whatcott Family! Hope you have a great time! I will be contacting the winner by email with instructions about picking up tickets. Remember, if you didn't win you can still get discounted tickets by logging into ticketmaster.com and entering coupon code MOM.

It's Called Sarcasm

A few days ago one of my loyal readers expressed concern about some of my posts. She was worried that I was depressed and not doing well and pointed to a few posts that led her to believe that things weren't going so well. She was a little concerned that maybe some of my comments were not very appropriate to put on a public forum like a blog.

I'm gonna weigh in on this...'cause it's my blog and I can.

At first I was like, "What the heck is she talking about?"

I called a few close friends and asked them what they thought, they assured me that there was nothing inappropriate or weird (noting that while some people are not comfortable talking about bodily functions, I have always been vocal about that subject, so NO, they did not find that weird coming from me). They assured me that they took my posts in the mostly sarcastic vein in which they were written. Just to make sure, I read through a few of the posts and realized that this person doesn't know me like some of my other readers do and I can see how maybe she would take some of my comments too seriously or out of context.

I guess it never occured to me that sarcasm doesn't always translate in the context of the written word. I just assumed everyone would know that I am sarcastic by nature and that I deal with life's issues in one of 2 ways: I sourround myself with the problem by literally living in it and talking about it until I am so overwhelmed by it that I finally extract myself from it and run away like a kicked dog, OR

I mock the problem by pointing out the absurdity of the situation in great detail. It's called sarcasm. It's what I do. Why? Mostly cause I have no other coping skills. The few I used to have (humor - like bust a gut, laughing really hard, true, funny kind of humor) and patience flew out the window a long time ago, when I naively decided to let other people be involved in my life. Some of you know those people. They are called husband and kids. Life changing, those people. What's really hilarious? They have NO idea! They just think I woke up grumpy one day. Gotta love 'em.

So lack of coping skills leaves me with sarcasm. I thought you knew this about me! I thought my writing made it clear that I mock things sometimes because I don't know what else to do. And because life is pretty funny in an ironic way. When I am really depressed and needing help I usually scream it out here on my blog pretty clearly. Because when I am really depressed I need those comments that help me know that I am not alone.

So the post where I was sick and self medicating with apple juice to fix a gall bladder problem? The one titled Why I am not a Doctor? That was sarcasm. Obviously I would suck as a doctor because I was doing the wrong thing to help myself. And I went into great detail about all of my symptoms because I wanted my readers to really appreciate the misery I was feeling with all of my cold/allergy symptoms, ON TOP of having a kidney issue. That's how I write. I want my readers to be drawn into the situation. Mud, blood, guts, poop, emotions and all. My hope is that when they fully immerse themselves in the details, they will recognize that we all go through the same stupid stuff and they are not alone. My hope is that they will feel something when they read. My hope is that they will see the humor in the ridiculous, sick details.

Maybe the humor in that last post didn't come across like I thought it did. Gimme a break, I was ill! But now you know. If I'm depressed and sick and not laughing about it and feeling trapped? I'll tell you. Seriously...do I sound like someone who holds anything back?

So remember...it's called sarcasm. It's what I do. Kind of. Sometimes. When it translates well. When I'm not sick or depressed.

Ultimate Blog Party 2009

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I'm a Little late, but that's usual for me. I decided to join the Ultimate Blog Party 2009 going on at 5 Minutes for Mom and meet a few more bloggers this year! Check it out, there are links to tons of blogs and you can win lots 'o prizes!

There are so many cool prizes to be won at this year’s Ultimate Blog Party, but my top three picks would be:

USC 60 — $178 in PR Training for Moms from PR in Your Pajamas
Provided by: Elena Verlee, PR in Your Pajamas

58 – Kitchen Aid Artisan Stand MixerProvided by: Moms Who ThinkPrize details: From Amish Friendship Bread to Decadent Cheesecake

INTL 19 — $130 Sponsor spot on Tip JunkieProvided by: Tip JunkiePrize details: Promote your blog, company, and/or products! Tip Junkie

And if my top three picks are already chosen, I’d love any of the following (in order of preference):

50, INTL 1, INTL 23, INTL 36, 10, 11, 19, 21 or anything else that might help transform the look of my blog into something Boy Cool!

I'm in a partyin' mood! See you at the UBP!

PS - If you live in Phoenix, don't forget to enter to win 4 Disney on Ice tickets for April 9th!! Click here to enter!

Mr. Incredible Ice Skates?!? Win Tickets!!

Disney On Ice is coming to Phoenix! I can't wait to see how Mr. Incredible does on those thin little blades! Isn't ice skating Frozone's thang!?

I actually love ice skating, but really don't do it well. The whole weak ankle thing gets in the way, which is really amazing if you've ever seen my ankles. They are very manly looking ankles. They look like they were made to withstand the milleniums. Not feminine or small or nice looking in any way, shape or form. Which is kind of a bummer, since I am a girl.

Anyway, I love to watch ice skating and am excited to go see the show. Disney does everything with a bang, I know it will be a great time!

If you live in Phoenix (tickets are only good for Phoenix, folks!) and wanna win 4 tickets for the opening night show on April 9th, you have to leave me some comment love. Contest will end at 12 Midnight MST on March 29th.

If you don't win and still wanna go you can purchase a 4-pack of tickets for only $44 by logging into ticketmaster.com and entering coupon code MOM.

I Am ReviewMom Needs Some Love, People!

Don't forget to check out my Review and Contest Page! Lots of cool contests taking place on the blogosphere and many new products to read about!

Spring Break

We've been on Spring Break this week. It's been nice to slow down a little and relax. I'm not good with rigid schedules, but school forces me to be more structured with my time for 9 months out of the year. Something inside me really struggles with being forced into a routine and so the breaks throughout the year give me a chance to let down so my wierd, structure-fighting, inner rebel can breathe easy for a few days. I like to sleep til 7 or 7:30 (if Little Man will let me) during these breaks and ease into my morning instead of having to jump up and hit the floor running at 6 a.m. Big Brother LOVES him some sleeping in too, I have to wake him or he would sleep til 10 or 11 a.m.!

We get 2 weeks for Spring Break, so this week we did doctor appointments and had friends over. Next week we'll hit the zoo or a movie or the Air Force show and have some fun. Then it's back to the grind and the structure and it will take a week after that to shove my rebeling spirit back into its place for a few more months.

By the time summer hits my regimen hating, Martha Stewart eschewing alter ego comes out full force because it's too freakin' hot to even think about structure or organization. I go into full-on combat survival mode and just focus on trying not to use foul language everytime I walk out the door as the heat hits me in the face like a blast furnace! I can't talk about it anymore...war memories.

One more week to enjoy the beautiful weather, to enjoy my kids, to enjoy being. I'm lettin' the Organizationally Challenged freak flag fly this week folks.

Blackie Chan is NOT Living Up to His Name!

I'm beginning to wonder about the implied Ninja skills that Blackie Chan exhibited when he was a kitten. I think he faked us out so we would keep him. Because I am becoming painfully aware, as is Blackie Chan, that his Ninja skills are...lame.

Blackie Chan's nights out have come to a screeching halt for a few days and maybe forever. I found him sitting at the back door the other night just staring in. Not even a meow. Just staring. So I opened the door, he walked in and immediately laid down on the carpet. The first thing I noticed is that he was absolutley covered with dirt and breathing really hard. He looked weird. When I went to roll him over he hissed and swiped at me. What the heck? Dude! I feed you! Then I noticed that his eyes and nose were packed with dirt. When he got up to go get a drink he was moving very slowly and it was obvious he was in pain. That's when I saw that he was covered with bite marks and little tufts of hair were falling off of him! OH MY GOSH!

It was apparent that Blackie Chan had been on the losing end of some kind of a fight. I don't think it was a cat fight, there were no scratches, just lots of little bite marks. None of them were really deep, it was like they just scraped the fur and skin off. But they were everywhere around his neck and upper back! Something gnawed on him pretty good! I'm thinking maybe it was a really old dog or coyote with bad teeth!

So we put him in the shower, which he hated and had to pour cups of water over him to get enough dirt off to see what happened. In the end, he wasn't hurt really bad, just kind of skinned up. No open cuts or scratches. But he was definitely sore, he slept for 2 days and would not let us hold him.

Blackie Chan has to face the fact that he has no skills to be an outside cat. All of his Ninja moves are strictly for show. He's one of those cats that talks a good game but can't back it up! Then again, maybe I'm wrong and his Ninja skills are what helped him escape! Maybe he used his kitty nunchucks to distract and inflict pain, thereby escaping a whole pack of Cryp Gang Coyotes! Maybe he was doing some wicked Ninja moves while he was walking along the fence and fell into the back yard of those 2 mean dogs that live next to the girly cat house and he had to go all Chuck Norris on their butts to get out alive.

But looking at those bite marks, I can't help but wonder if I am giving him too much credit. He probably just went over to tease Eddie the Weiner Dog and got caught unaware when he was showing off because Eddie's stuck in the back yard all the time. You know, doing the "Im in your yard, I'm outta your yard. In the yard, out of the yard. In. Out" thing. Eddie probably jumped him from behind because he was tired of BC running his mouth. Since Weiner Dogs have no skills, the only thing he could do was gnaw at Blackie Chan with those little Weiner Dog teeth. Blackie Chan probably couldn't find his way out from under Eddie's mile long body and panicked and started rolling around in the dirt trying to get away, instead of letting his Ninja training take over. I'm sure eventually, Blackie Chan finally begged for Eddie to let him up. "Okay, dude! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! You are NOT a meat substitute or a dog by-product. Weiner dogs...OW!! OW!! Okay, sorry! DACHSHUNDS...are valuable and important members of the animal kingdom! Now can you please let me up?"

I am sure that when Eddie let him up Blackie Chan ran to the edge of the fence and hollered back something to the effect of "Whatever, Loser!" because he couldn't think of anything clever to say (neither can I at the moment). Humiliated by a weiner dog, he slunk across the yard to the back door, which is where this post started.

So he must be over the embarassment, because he's standing at the back door ready to head out again today. Maybe's he's been formulating an awesome Ninja attack to get back at the gang who rolled him the other night. Or maybe he has a really awesome verbal assault ready for Eddie. Or maybe he's just stupid and didn't learn his lesson about nature.

I'm not sure Blackie Chan can handle the rigors of outdoor life. I haven't decided if he will get to go outside again. I have decided that he is definitely wearing a flea collar though and in the next few weeks he will finally be minus his furry little man parts that make him want to seek out creatures of the night. Maybe they get in his way when he is trying to use his awesome Ninja Prowess to outwit and outmaneuver the enemy. Yeah. I'm sure that's what it is.

Why I am NOT a Doctor

So I've had problems the last few years with my gall bladder and have to kind of watch what I eat...nothing really greasy or cheesy. I do okay for about three weeks, until my hubby brings home pizza and then all bets are off and I just know that the next day I will pay for it. I know...stupid. I do a lot of stupid things when it comes to food, which is why I am still fat after 30 years of trying to lose weight.

Anywhoo...a few days ago, I felt the familiar ache under my ribs that usually means my gall bladder is acting up, so I went to Sprouts and bought a huge gallon of organic, non-filtered apple juice and a boatload of radishes and some green apples, all of which are supposed to flush the heck of my gall bladder and then I'm usually good for 6 months or so. By the way, not the greatest taste combination, those 3 things.

On the second day of apple juice, I notice the pain is getting worse and I was eliminating (you know...eliminating!) a LOT of weird stuff. OH YEAH! I forgot to mention that while all of this is happening I am also suffering from the mother of all pollen induced cold/flu attacks that goes around this time of year here in Phoenix when the desert starts to bloom. So I can't breathe, my glands are swollen, my throat is scratchy and dry and I am coughing so hard it makes me pee. And I completely lost my voice from the headlock the phlegm has my vocal cords wrapped in. Not asking for sympathy, just giving you a clear picture of exactly how miserable I am before the side ache thing. Are ya feelin' it with me yet? Okay.

So today is the third day and I wake up tired and grumpy from lack of sleep, because of my stuffed up nose that, although stuffed, was running like a hose and my achy side. I figured I would kill what was left of the apple juice and see what happened. I slugged down a huge glass, and about 2 hours later I was seriously wondering if I was gonna have to go to Urgent Care.

My friend came over and I was telling her about it and she asked if maybe it was my kidneys and not my gall bladder. That made me think. Hmmm...last time I had a kidney attack about 20 years ago it kind of started like this.

A few minutes later hubby came home and I was talking to him and he asked the same thing. Then he asked me when the last time was that I drank any water. "

Ummm...about 3 days ago. I've been driniking apple juice for 3 days."

"And before that?" he asks.

"Not very much, I've kinda not been eating or drinking much at all this week because of the cold thing and then I started the juice."

Apple juice, my husband informs me is VERY hard on the kidneys if your kidneys are unhealthy or if your kidneys are suffering from dehydration. Because it helps flush them. And if there is no water to help flush them the kidneys have to work extra hard and they get all mad trying to process this unfiltered apple juice, which is VERY cleansing.

Then he orders me to go drink about 8 gallons of water. I filled up a Big Gulp Bucket and started sipping, then gulping and within 15 minutes, the pain lessened. I kind of wasn't sure if it was coincidence, so I did some Googling to check on apple juice and kidneys. After another 44 ounce cup of water and some walking around, still less pain. Another bucket of water and 3 hours later, I think I am going to live.

But DANG IT! I hate when he's right!

Wordless Wednesday

I need to be on the beach this week, watching the seals. Wanna come?

Blackie Chan's Big Night Out

Blackie Chan, a.k.a. Psycho Ninja Cat, has made the transition from indoor cat to indoor/outdoor cat. It was not an easy choice because I don't happen to like parasites and I am afraid him being outside a lot will bring fleas and other weird little things into my house. I already have enough weird little things in here! And I'm not sure he's smart enough to avoid the coyotes.

After a full month of his constant yowling and whining (yeah...He WHINES!), I finally had enough and let him out. He was gone the whole night and I figured it was over and I had lost my cat. When he showed up at the backdoor the next morning he was MORE than ready to come in. He ate and slept and we did not hear ONE peep out of him for 3 days.

So here's my theory of what happened that night:

Cat: Wow! Freedom! Later, lady...I am SO out of here. Gonna go find some ack-shun.

Jumps fence, heads toward neighbor's house. Meets Eddie, the weiner dog.

"Eddie! My weiner man! Whazzuup! I'm out man, let's hang!

Eddie: "Back off, you freak of nature. I don't "hang" with cats, and certainly not with wanna-be, whimpy HOUSE cats like you. You are so weak, dude! Actin' like you're all about somethin' now because you're outside. Lame, bruthuh...lame."

Cat: "Whatever, Weinerman...all I know is I'm outside walkin' the hood and you're still behind that gate, so who's the lame one now, bro! OH! How ya like me now, Hot Dog? How ya like me now?"

Continues the walk down the road toward the house that smells all girly. Finds out the house before the girly house has BIG dogs in the backyard!

Cat: "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey guys! What's up? Didn't know you guys lived here, I'm kinda new in the neighborhood. Well, not new, just new to being out IN the neighborhood, ya know? So anyway, sorry to disturb you guys, my name's BC. Who are you guys?"

Dogs: "PUNK! Don't you know who yo messin' wif, yo? Punk thinks we wanna make friends, all up in our space actin' like he gonna be friends! I eat punks like you for dinner, man. Get you cat-butt outta here before we use you fo a chew toy! (talking to other dog...You believe that shizzle? Come up in OUR yard talkin' like he gonna hang wit' us.)"

Cat walks off with his tail puffed up like a bottle cleaner, all arched and trying to look tough, even though his legs are shaking like jello.

Thinks to self: "Duhammn! Those dogs was rough! I'll be takin' the LONG way around that place, I almost peed they scared me so bad. Well, you know, not like scared scared, just a little uptight, you know, like I might hafta get ready to defend myself or suh-in. Now where is that hot lil kitten I smell? Gotsta find that girl and make a booty call! "

Just then BC hears a little girly meow: "Hey girl! How you doin'? I been lookin' for you. Almost got my tail ate off by some big ole' canines trying to track you down. So, you know, I'm thinkin' maybe we should get together...what choo think, girl? You wanna hang with Blackie Chan? Cuz you know, I got it goin' on, girl.

A dark menacing coyote suddenly steps out of the desert to check out the scene, scaring the beejeezus out of Blackie Chan, leading him to scream at the top of his lungs and trample girl cat while trying to run home. No awesome cat ninja moves, no kitty roundhouse to the coyote's snout, just a streak of black and white fur flying through the night, passed Eddie the weinerdog and over the fence to the safety of the back yard.

Cat: "Holy CRAP where did that guy come from?! All the sudden I saw coyote and freaked, man! Ohhhh, fetch. I think I laid tracks on that girl's tail, man! How'm I gonna talk to her now? She ain't never gonna forget this, I bet she's home now tellin' all her girls, tellin' them mean dogs that I ain't nuh-in. Whatever. SHUT UP EDDIE! I hear you laughin! Shut up! You didn't see that coyote, man. The dude was scary, Eddie. Like movie freaky scary, Eddie. You don't know, man. Shut up! Where is that woman who opens the door? I 'bout had me enough of this outside stuff, yo. I'm ready to just grab me some kibble and catch a nap, man. You know...chill. Unpuff my tail. Where is that bi...FINALLY! I been runnin' for my life, woman! Where you been? Just gimme some food and leave me be, I gotsta process. House is lookin' pretty good right now, man. Pretty good. Yeah. That's what I'm sayin'. "

That's how it played out in my mind anway, as I watched BC sleep the last few days. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he had a great time and is sleeping off a hangover. Maybe I need more excitement in my life. 'Cause I just made up a ridiculous story about my cat for entertainment.