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Thursday, May 22, 2008

Wandering in the desert


I am struggling today, not wanting to post anything, because truthfully, it has just been a brutal freakin' week. And I just don't feel like I can go into detail and share it with everyone, but I still feel the need to post something, so I guess this is as good as it gets. Really, the problem is...my family is struggling to find our path, I guess. We've had a lot of changes in our lives recently and we've kind of had our foundation rocked a bit. It has left us wondering what to do, where to go, how to proceed. It's scary and worrisome and honestly, it's more stress than I want to deal with right now. It's more stress than my husband wants to deal with too. So we just walk around trying not to irritate each other. I'm left feeling guilty because I feel like the stress drains me of my energy and I am not fully engaged with the boys like I need to be. I am going through the motions, barely, and I know they feel it. The thing is...I don't know what to do to change the situation. We are just - LOST. That's it...don't know what else to say. Hope things look better tomorrow, I could use a moment of joy. On a happier note, so as not to end this post in a depressing fog, it was only like 75 degrees today, it was supposed to rain. No rain on our end of town, but lots of cool wind. So I guess that's something, I didn't have to spend the entire day stressed AND sweating.

4 Comments:

Law said...

Don't worry too much, things work themselves out. After all, a wise man once said "If you don't travel through the dark and foreboding clouds, how will you ever see the sunlight above?"

Or something to that effect, anyway.

amy said...

Just found you. You have to look at my site www.boymomdesigns.com. We have ALOT in common.

Hope you are better today.

Drop me a line after reading the story on my site.

Your sister in boymomness

Patricia said...

What can I say? (regardless that this comment is posted really LATE)
I now what you mean, I think we have had almost every kind of trial during our 14 years of marriage. I have, sometimes, felt totally lost. And I sure was.
I have also felt sick of worryness (can you say that?)out of responsibility for my kids, the future, my marriage, the future, my kids, my kids, my kids...
May God bless you and show you the path my dear friend!!!

I am Boymom said...

Thanks Patricia. It seems like we need some dark days once in awhile to help us remember to appreciate the good days. I just hate not knowing, ya know? It's one thing to have a bad day. It's another thing to not know what to do about it, which is where my fear comes in. I'm sure our path will be revealed shortly, I'm just not good with waiting.

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